On the Other Side of the Treatment

Yesterday Lee-Anne went in for probably the most intensive treatment she'll need in her epilepsy journey. I've resisted going into detail about it, but I suppose its time.

A while back, we went to see a neurosurgeon to discuss the results of last year's intracranial examination and the available options. I think I've mentioned that the most surprising thing we learned was that her seizures weren't coming from the left temporal lobe, but rather from a place called the insula, just a bit beneath it.

Because the activity was ocurring somewhere deeper than expected, this meant that traditional surgery was not an option. Instead, they would have to use a laser, called LIT.

The machine for this is rare. I can't remember if it's the only one in the country, province, city, or hospital. But whatever the parameters, it was the only one within them.

For this reason, it only gets used once a month, and only by a very specialized professional. The positive side to this is that, due to the rarity of her epilepsy, she gets special access to this sophisticated procedure that is more precise and with less chance of side effects.

The negative side is that, unlike human fingers, lasers can only move in straight lines. This means that it doesn't have the same dexterity, causing a drop in chance of success. So its' more low risk but also low reward compared to traditional surgery.

 Experientially this procedure should be less uncomfortable than the intracranial examination. Most of the pain comes from the incisions in the skull. Last year they had to do 11, this time it was only one or two, and instead of being stuck in the hospital for 19 days, she should be out much sooner.

Existentially it's creepier, because the science is that the treatment works by heating up the effected part of the brain until it burns a little bit of it off. The laser sounds so elegant until you hear the details.

She will likely need another visit for the final operation after a waiting period, but there's a small chance that she will fully recover from her epilepsy without further intevention. However, regardless of the efficacy of the surgery, there's a chance that it will cause an uptick in seizures over the next two weeks. I hate when treatments cause an increase in the thing they're supposed to get rid of. Like every depression or anxiety med with a potential side effect of increasing stress and anxiety.

But I've seen Lee-Anne on the other side of the surgery now, awake and feeling well enough. I took a couple days off to stay in Brampton at her parents' place so that we could visit her.

Purple Shirt Day 2025

This past Wednesday was Purple Shirt Day, AKA Epilepsy Awareness Day. Last year Lee-Anne spent it getting an intra-cranial exam for her seizures, which even the surgeon called "auspicious" timing. 

She was offered to have her first procedure done on the same day this year, which felt like fate. However, due to the short notice and some things happening on our end, she felt she couldn't do it at the time. Didn't take much speed out of things, it just got scheduled a week later. 

Obviously I've been supportive in her taking the lead on how this is managed. Still, a small part of me wished it would happen on Epilepsy Awareness Day. I'm a little superstitious, and the fact that she would be getting treatment for her seizures on such a day twice in a row seemed like a writer's choice. Even taking the aspect of fate out of it, there might be a psychological component. No doctor wants to screw up a treatment for a condition on the day its dedicated to.

But she still spent March 27th doing epilepsy-adjacent things. Before the big event happening this coming week, she needed to have a few tests done to make sure she's in condition to do it. This means that she travelled up to Brampton to stay with her parents on Wednesday so that she could transport herself to the hospital in Toronto on Thursday and Friday.

I wore my tie-dyed purple shirt for Epilepsy Awareness Day. I forgot to remind people at work about it so participation wound up low. A few of the members did wear purple though. When one of them saw what I was wearing, he even said "Epilepsy Day!" He definitely made an intentional outfit choice. 

However, another member saw that he matched us and chimed in to announce his contribution. I asked him why he was wearing purple. He threw up his hands and shouted "It's Wednesday!"

Physical Gryphood

I made a hard copy of my food blog.

This is the second edition. My first one was in a binder that I got from a Rexall drug store.  At the time, we only had a black-and-white printer that could only print one-sided. I hand-wrote the title and "laminated" it onto the front with Scotch tape. 

It had a sort of "hand-made" appeal and still felt like a step up from looking at the blog directly. Don't have to worry about the battery dying on a hard copy, or it powering down while you're cooking and needing to input the password again.

However, eventually the pages began to fray from constant flipping. I ordered some hole reinforcers and that was my solution for a time.

Later, we were at Staples for something and I saw plastic page protectors. I thought that would be even better. Lee-Anne was enthusiastic by the idea and pointed out some binders she used to have in school. These were larger and featured a plastic sheath on the front, which I've used to insert a title page. 

At this point we also had a colour printer that could do double sided. I thought this meant that I would use half as much space, but what I didn't account for was that the page protectors added some bulk of their own. So instead of reducing by 50%, I increased by like, 33%. Didn't really cause an issue.

I'd also bought some dividers to separate it into food categories. However, they attached directly to the metal rungs of the binder unlike the page protectors, which had an extra strip of plastic that connected to them. So the dividers didn't protrude over the recipes, ruining their visibility. If I could have put them in page protectors it would have solved the issue, but they have a little paper tab that is supposed to indicate their category, which meant they didn't fit.

Lee-Anne found some old dividers that are large enough to use, but she only has a set of four. I'll need a lot more if I go that route. In the meanwhile, I'm just using sticky notes.

Right now the categories are:

• Rice
• Noodles
• Oven Bakes
• 3-Piece Mains
• Soups
• Stews
• Curries
• Dips and Sauces
• Sides
• Salads
• Breads
• Dessert
• Breakfast
• Kitchen Care

This covers 86 recipes. Potentially too many categories. I could put rice and noodles together under "Bowls". I could amalgamate soups, stews, and curries. I could combine sides and salads. I didn't have much of a method, I just went through my recipes and sorted them in a way that felt natural.

On the front page, starting from top left, I've got cheesesteaks with sweet potato fries. I do have a sweet potato fry recipe but I don't think the ones in the picture are homemade. Then I've got blueberry tarts, pretzels, fattoush salad with souvlaki skewers in the back, and Irish stew with soda bread and a Guiness in the background.

Originally I used a picture of butternut squash soup instead of the cheesesteaks, but the Irish stew already looked kind of soupy and I didn't want to look repetetive. I also considered using my quick pickles.

The font is Garamond. I remembered a friend of mine in college recommending it based on what he thought I'd like. It's what I used for my resumes. I hadn't thought about fonts for awhile, but the default Arial looked a little too plain for a cover. I thought I had been overenthusiastic about Garamond back in the day due to the friend recommendation, but after some exploring it's what I landed on again.

Lee-Anne's Grandma Passed

I should mention that Lee-Anne's grandmother passed away. She was 97 years old. She was in the hospital with her daughters as it happened. Lee-Anne and one of her brothers were able to talk to her before she moved on.

She'd lived on a farm until she was 93. She outlived her husband by a good length of time and was able to rely on her network for support as she aged. Eventually, she moved into a retirement facility.

She was sort of the centre of the family that kept everyone connected. Christmases, Thanksgivings, and the like were done knowing that it should be done as long as she was with us. This kind of reminds me of my great-grammy, who hosted family reunions until she passed. When that happened, it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I wasnt super connected with that side of the family, she was over 100 years old, and passed in a very peaceful way.

But there was a feeling of stability in that, while the world changed, she always seemed the same. And while I wasn't too attached to the people at family reunions, as long as Great-Grammy was around, there was always the option to reconnect with my roots. Sometimes, even when the world is gracious and fair, a loss can still hit hard.

I wasn't as close with Lee-Anne's grandmother, but I was at many of the family gatherings hosted in her honour. She was bright until the end. I remember showing her some of our wedding photos, and she recalled having taken one with us and requested a copy.

She was the inspiration for one of her grandsons going into farming.

She passed almost exactly one month after my granddad. I find that funerals usually happen shockingly quick, but hers was postponed until the minister that oversaw mine and Lee-Anne's wedding could host it. We went to it a couple weeks ago. I'm late in making this post.

In other news, I'd mentioned that me and Lee-Anne were going to talk to a neurosurgeon. We did, and this time it actually yielded what felt like a more substantive path forward. We were told what our options were, we chose one, and now we're waiting to have it scheduled. Still an annoying wait period, but based on previous experience I was worried that we'd be told to consult someone else, and then need to have some time allocated to making a decision. She could begin her treatment in two months, at earliest.

I'm not going to talk on the treatment right now, because all the options are icky and I'm just not ready for a public discussion. But I will likely talk about it as it gets closer to happening.

Now I will show more images of this absurd amount of snow that we've had

Buried fire hydrants actually seems like a safety issues. Yes, for that first photo to be possible, I have to be standing above it. There are paths of tamped down snow made by people traveling over unplowed sidewalks.

Romantic Shawarma

Last year on Valentine's Day, Relish Shawarma opened in Belmont Village. It was the successor of Bossman Shawarma, and Sam's Shawarma before that. Despite Kitchener having a plethora of options for the cuisine, both of those locations closed exactly a year out from their opening day. When Relish opened, we were skeptical that such a franchise could be successful in the neighbourhood. It appeared we were living in a shawarma dry zone. Which is too bad, as it is full-stop my favourite food.

As we made our first order, the owner was very friendly and shared that their opening day had been strategically placed for the Valentine's Day rush. This made us further pessimistic about their business sense, as it didn't seem intuitive that this would be a draw for shawarma.

It wouldn't be their only peculiar decision. For the past year, they've persistently kept their open hours far beyond the time everything else in Belmont Village closes. They've asked us for our opinions on their food and service, and if they should make any changes. They added a Philly cheesesteak to their menu, which felt like a move of desperation. 

Since moving into the neighbourhood, my mother's fallen in love with the place. I've told her not to get attached.

Me and Lee-Anne decided that, if they were still open, we would go there for Valentine's Day. I told someone from the neighbourhood this, and he made a light jab at the obsurdity of getting Middle Eastern food for such an occasion.

Not only were they open, they had a one year anniversary Valentine's Day special! Mom went before us and said she asked them how business wass. They said things were going well. When we went, the place had a good amount of traffic. I overheard someone mention to one of the workers that they seemed busy. He responded "Of course! It's Valentine's Day!"

Well. It appears that some of their unorthodox moves were wise beyond my understanding. While it doesn't seem obvious to me that shawarma is a romantic food, I'm ready to lean into it.

We had a more traditional celebration the day before. There's an Italian grocery near us called Vincenzo's. I've eaten food from there many times, but rarely have I been in. My coworkers sometimes go on sandwich runs, and because I don't drive, I'm not usually doing pick up. Once during the Summer Program, I helped take an order, and one time when I was a Direct Support Worker, me and someone I supported poked our heads in.

But I'd never been in since moving into the neighbourhood. Apparently Lee-Anne had once, and even Mom has at this point. During our wedding shower, one of the things we received was a Vincenzo's gift card. So we finally took the opportunity to use it.

We got a baguette, some camembert, chorizo, a few dips and spreads, and cannolis for dessert. We made a little charcuterie board. 

Also, they had marmite and vegemite. I always hear about how repulsive those are to people that don't grow up with it, so we got some of the latter since a quick Google said that it was the more intense of the two. We tried it, and it was fine. Just a savoury spread, kind of pleasant even. Don't know why people make such as fuss.

This doesn't fit in with the theme of the rest of the post, but I feel like I have to mention how much it's been snowing here.

Here's a picket fence

Here's a bench

Year of the Wood Snake

Happy Year of the Snake! Me, my mother, and my grandmother share this sign in the Chinese Zodiac, so the three of us should expect good fortune. Moreover, it's the Year of the Wood Snake. This is specifically Mom's element, so things should be even better for her. I'm Ground and Grandma is Metal.

Since my brother has an interest in reptiles, I asked him to match us with snake species, taking our elements into consideration. He said I'd be a Woma Python, a type of large burrowing snake, adept at crossing hot sand. He gave Mom the Brown Tree Snake, known for their cat like eyes and mouths, capable in the canopy as well as the forest floor. Grandma got Grey Ratsnake, their colouration meeting her element of Metal, as well as the fact that they inhabit places similar to where she lives.

My brother's a Water Monkey so I said he could be a Japanese Macaque, the only primate, save humans, to live so far North. They enjoy bathing in natural hotsprings, which relieves them of the cold of their snowy habitat.

Usually I do a Year in Review. My final post of 2024 was basically a review of every year except this past one, so it kind of turned me off the concept. Now we're almost through January, so we can just say I'm reflecting on this past Year of the Dragon instead. I'll probably still use Western chronology...

Previously, I'd said that the theme of 2020 was COVID. 2021 was learning to live with Lee-Anne. In my 1000th post, I'd noted that 2021 had my lowest count for entries, and fewer personal events than any other year of my life. The only thing of note was us adopting Finn. We hadn't even moved in together in 2021, we did that late 2020. But the theme of the year was creating a household together during the languishing period of COVID.

In 2022 I got my diabetes diagnosis and managed a surprisingly strong recovery. In 2023 me and Lee-Anne got married. For 2024, since she was slotted to have her intra-cranial exam for her seizures, I figured that year would be about Lee-Anne's epilepsy options.

Well, that didn't get to be as much of a focus as we would have liked. She did have the intra-cranial exam, followed by a meeting with a neurosurgeon. But they hadn't processed her data, so we had to wait for that. After that came in, we got to see the report, but we needed to wait for a neurologist to read it to us. Then we needed to schedule a meeting with the neurosurgeon again. This all took about a year. We've got a meeting coming up next week. It's always tough, because the opportunity to proceed with treatment is scary, but the constant postponements are disappointing.

In addition to this, 2024 was a real crapshoot. My mom and brother's house burned down. We had to evacuate their stuff, they had to move into our two bedroom apartment with us, we found a new place for them in our neighbourhood, and we helped them rebuild their household.

My granddad died. Trump won the US election with all manner of sinister promises.

We did get to visit my grandparents that live in Northern Ontario, which I hadn't managed for a long time. That was nice.

2025 New Year's Resolutions

 Last year I resolved to:

• Reach post 1000 on The Gryphon's Perch by adding 42 entries
• Make 60 posts total including the satelite blogs
• Walk 40 km on average weekly
• Do two strength trainings on average weekly
• Find a way to feel valuable

Let's see how I did:

Reach post 1000 on The Gryphon's Perch by adding 42 entries

I achieved this one! On December 31st, I made my 1000th post, which was a summary of the main events that happened each year that the blog has been active. Reading 14 & 1/4 years of my life to prep for it was trippy.

Make 60 posts total including the satelite blogs

I updated my food blog 20 times, with recipes for: General Tso's chicken, pork schnitzel, cream of broccoli soup, energy balls, chicken tortilla soup, Caribbean rice & beans, cheesesteaks, fresh pasta, zucchini fritters, quickles, jambalaya, fried okra, broccoli salad, dahl, macaroni corn casserole, tourtiere, chicken cacciatori, the "Do the Brussel" burger, fried green tomatoes, and loco moco.

Just by adding my food entries, this brings me to a total of 62, fulfilling my resolution. But I also made 5 reviews and I posted twice to my gallery. This brings my total to 69.

The gallery posts were both photos-based, one of Kenabeek and one of Victoria Park. I didn't do any paintings I felt were worth making their own posts for, but I did do these:

I also made a few attempts at an aurora borealis that didn't quite work out and another version of the tarot-style sun/moon with colour gradient. I tried drawing the tree in our backyard with coloured pencils too

Walk 40 km on average weekly

My average for 2024 was 44.3. Ever since 2021 when my goal was 25, I've been increasing it by 5 annually. I managed to get close enough to the next interval that I feel obligated to increase it again. I don't want to at the moment though. I was sick this week and wasn't able to do much walking, and we have a polar vortex going on, which is discouraging to go outside. I'll still make it a resolution to walk 45 km average weekly in 2025. My mom always aims for 50, so maybe I'll settle at that number when I get to it, having doubled my original goal.

Do two strength trainings on average weekly

I went long stretches where this was true. I came up with a game, where I have a character on an adventure that he only gets to progress if I exercise. I'd write a new entry every time I worked out.

After my mother and brother lost their house in the fire and moved in with us, it cut down on floor space, making it difficult to do strength trainings. After they left, I found it challenging to get back into a routine. So I'll make the same resolution this year, in the hopes that we don't have to host anyone this time

Find a way to feel valuable

I made this one because I'd watched a "How to ADHD" video explaining that people often fall out of allignment with their goals. She suggested that instead of asking yourself "What do I want to accomplish", you should ask "How do I want to feel?". I thought this was intriguing, and decided to try it for at least one resolution. I was able to identify that I wanted to feel valuable, but I couldn't find a way to do that, so I just left it as a goal to try and figure it out.

To be honest, I remember all this now, but I forgot to try and fulfill it shortly after the post. I suppose I proved my value incidentally after the fire, just by being able to provide shelter, help with documents, use my network and such, but meh. I don't really think I achieved this one.

I'll say I succeeded at 3 out of 5 of my resolutions.

Resolutions

I'm going to relax my posting schedule. I'd been wanting those 1000 posts for a long time. I don't want to give this blog up completely though. Previously, I'd set a minimum of 35 posts anually when I hit an all-time low in 2021. I kind of forgive myself for that particular year though. After doing my summary of the entire blog, I realized that 2021 was the least eventful. My brother pointed out that while we remember 2020 as the year of COVID, everything was still new and strange. The year following was when panic transitioned to languishing, so it makes sense that my inspiration was low at that time. We did get Finn that year.

Anyway, I'll return to previous years targets, and just say minimum 35 for this blog, 50 spread over the satelites.

As I said before, I'll increase my walking goal to 45 km weekly, and I'll try again for two strength trainings on average.

As far as health-based resolutions go, I found success in an area that was a surprise. After being diagnosed diabetic a few years ago, I've been on a health journey. I thought it would start with a focus on nutrition, then when I got comfortable with that, it would progress to activity, and eventually I wanted to try intermittent fasting. I even had it as a goal for 2023, which I never felt ready for and dumped the following year in favour of an emphasis on exercise.

But I did try it. I started with 12 hour fasts. It was surprisingly easy. If you're hungry, you don't have to ask yourself what you're going to eat or how much, you just have to ask if you're in your fasting window. I was comfortable enough that I increased it to 16 hours.

Something improved that I didn't expect. One morning I woke up feeling better rested than I had in years. I didn't think too deeply about it, but the next day and the day after were the same. At that time I had to ask myself if I'd been doing anything differently and I realized it was the fasting.

It hasn't helped much with weight loss (I've lost five pounds this year) but it has helped immensely with sleep, which is something I've always struggled with. I don't want to sound like a shill for this method. Everyone's body is different and I don't want to perscribe an umbrella solution. But it's been good for me, and I would like to resolve to continue with it.

I'm not going to bring back finding a way to feel valuable, but I will commit to an emotion-based goal. Lee-Anne's been reading a book on the sensation of awe. This is what you feel when you observe something greater than yourself. People associate it with nature, art, spirituality, moral beauty, confrontations with mortality, and connection with others. She wants to try and experience more of this in the new year, and I said I would try along with her.

I also want to cut down on my screentime, engaging in less media that is algorithm-based. I don't trust these corporations to have my best interests in mind when choosing the information I consume. So I'd like to spend more time with "cold media", things that can't immediately be changed, such as physical books.

So with all this being said...

In 2025, I resolve to:

• Make 35 posts to The Gryphon's Perch
• Have a total of 50 posts between my main blog and its satelites
• Walk an average of 45 km weekly
• Do strength trainings 2 times per week
• Commit to a 16 hour intermittent fasting schedule
• Seek out experiences that evoke a sense of awe
• Consume more cold media

Grattitude Jar 2024

This is the second year that I'm posting the contents of my grattitude jar.  Like last time, I've omitted confidential information. In 2023 I had 73 grattitudes, while this entry only has 53. The first one had things like "Living close to the Iron Horse Trail" which still holds true but I wouldn't bother repeating, so I don't think I'm less grateful this time around.

Since these were written on construction paper and thrown in haphazardly, I can't guarantee this is in chronological order. I did make an attempt to put them in "clumps" when they relate. 

Context occasionally given in brackets.

"Seeing what were probably bats on the Iron Horse Trail"

"Having two neurospicy coworkers" (I myself am neurospiced, which is why I'm mentioning this)

"Finding a good stick to use as a window jam" (Our window stopped working for a bit, so we needed to find something to jam it with. When winter came around, the regular lock started working again. Don't know why)

"Medical system progressing Lee-Anne's journey. Schedule for intracranial observation set"

"Being in a country with an accessible enough medical system to give this as an option for Lee-Anne"

"Living in a time where we can understand Lee-Anne's epilepsy"

"Lee-Anne's procedure is on Purple Shirt Day" (Purple Shirt Day is Epilepsy Awareness Day. Even her neurosurgeon said her procedure being set at that date was "auspicious". Some coworkers and members wore purple in her honour)

"Lee-Anne successfully getting through initial surgery for her epilepsy observation"

"Lee-Anne being supported to make a complaint after a bad experience with a nurse"

"Finding a 4 leaf clover token"

"Getting some time to myself to recuperate"

"Getting the salad bowl that was ordered for our wedding shower last year"

"Developing a strategy to keep workout routine engaging"

"Playing the new edition of Super Mario RPG"

"Having a good vet clinic" (One of our cats, Finn, had an emergency where he was urinating blood. We took him in. He was diagnosed as anxious with a delayed reaction from the Christmas season. We got him treated and he's been doing well)

"Finn feeling better"

"A workshop provider forcing some introspection on coworkers"

"The solar eclipse being cool and my boss bringing eclipse glasses"

"Running into the mother of someone I used to support and learning that he is doing well"

"Getting to experience Akira Toriyama's work" (The writer for the Dragon Ball series passed this year)

"QAM went well" (The audit system for where I work. I've been there for six years. Apparently they used to come in almost annually, but the pandemic backlogged them hard, so this was the first time I've experienced it) 

"Seeing a Via, Go, and Ion train all crossing the same spot at the same time"

"My mom & aunt made it to Kenabeek" (Where my grandparents live)

"My mom, brother, and their cats getting out of the fire alright" (When Mom was gone, there was a house fire that compromised their home. My mom, brother, and there two cats would have to live with us until they could find somewhere else)

"Family in Guelph having enough community to step in"

"Managed to get seeds to sprout sunflowers in each of the jiffy pots" (This is the only grattitude that aged poorly, as none of these sunflowers would survive. I grew three batches, but they were all eaten by pests)

"My mom and brother getting to try Graffiti Market and Thai Bistro"

"Getting the chance to show my mom and brother the Pokemon Go routes I've made" (Fringe benefit of them needing to live here is that I was able to show them some local attractions)

"Kieran & Finn and Castor & Pollux all warmed up to each other" (Our two cats and their two, learning to live with each other)

"My brother being supported by his partner in California" (My brother left to stay with his partner for a few months after the fire to collect himself)

"Finally doing Tie Dye" (When I couldn't find a purple shirt for Epilepsy Awareness Day, I remembered that I could use tie dye. I bought a kit, but also regular dye and wound up making a normal purple shirt. Eventually I made some tie-dye stuff)

"Went to the cherry festival for the first time and it was a lot bigger than I thought it could be"

"Harvested a lot of peas, got a tomato, and two cucumbers on the way"

"Hearing that an old teacher told one of our students that I have a beautiful soul"

"Being lent the complete works of J.R.R. Tolkien"

"Going to Central Art Walk and Frederick Art Walk"

"Running into some old coworkers and people I used to support at Frederick Art Walk"

"Getting new bookmarks, dryer balls, a sketchbook, and a calendar for 2025 at Frederick Art Walk"

"Getting to stay at St Jacob's for mine and Lee-Anne's first anniversary"

"Running into an old WALES member at St Jacob's Market"

"Running into my old boss and his wife at Stanley Park Mall"

"Seeing a fox outside Hospice Waterloo Region" (Not because anyone was dying. I was job shadowing someone, and when we left there was a fox)

"My mom and brother got accepted into an apartment right across the street, rent controlled with dishwasher"

"Pollux & Castor moved to the new apartment" (They didn't go right away, we waited until the place was filled out a bit)

"My mom and brother were given an armchair and couch from Lee-Anne's grandma's old place" 

"A coworker gave my mom and brother a coffee table and dining room table"

"Family friend helped us move the Guelph stuff out of storage"

"Finally getting that citrus painting from Lee Angold, which we first saw at the Central Art Walk" (Mentioning her name because she is a public fiure)

"Finally going back to Kenabeek, seeing it in Fall for the first time" (A place that was central to my childhood, but I hadn't managed to visit in recent years)

"Finding my old clubhouse in Kenabeek still intact"

"Reading my old childhood books in Kenabeek and showing Lee-Anne"

"Granddad got to be with his wife and daughters when he passed" (My granddad with dementia, not from the Kenabeek branch)

"Granddad passed while listening to his favourite symphony: Mahler #2"

Granddad's Memorial Service

Here is Granddad's obituary, mostly written by my Aunt with input from Mom:

https://obituaries.thestar.com/obituary/dr-barent-landstreet-jr-1092502209

His Memorial Service was held on January 2nd at the retirement community that he'd been living in with Oma. They have a lobby downstairs that is large enough to accomodate a gathering. It was held here because they wanted to make sure that family could make it, as well as friends and neighbours that were local to the community.

 It was a Quaker ceremony. I knew that we had some ancestry, but honestly didn't know it was immediate enough to count as our nearest faith system, at least on that side of the family. I liked it though. Quakers don't plan speaches, so they celebrate in silence, allowing anyone that feels compelled to talk to briefly say what's on their mind.

There was a very slight irony that the person explaining the format read the bit about not having planned speaches from a piece of paper.

I didn't quite have it in me to talk. I'm comforted a little by the sentiment that we were able to support with our silence. I wonder if my quietness comes from my Quaker roots.

I'll share a few of the thoughts I had while I was reflecting on my relationship with Granddad during the service. Nothing too profound.

I remembered waving to each other all the way until he was out of eyesight after his visits to Guelph.

I remembered that, during a road trip to see my Great Grandmother in Philedelphia, he was playing an audio biography of Beethoven. As an adult, it wasn't too sad, but it had some melancholy beats. I asked him and my mom why they would listen to something they knew would make them feel bad. The answer I got was that it was "sad in a good way" and when I said that didn't make sense, I was told that "I'd understand when I grew up". Well, I'm grown up now and I do know. I think this was the first time I considered that there was merit to life outside of happiness.

He was the reason I used to listen to classical music when I was trying to sleep as a child. I had insomnia and it helped.

I remembered that when things were hard when I was in high school, and our households were not speaking. We'd email each other and rendezvous somewhere for a meal and to catch up.

He's probably the only reason I had any real familiarity with restaurants before I became an adult. 

Here is a display in his honour set up at the service.

After the ceremony, we took his ashes to High Park. He used to run there regularly, as it was in his neighbourhood previous to retirement. I used to go on hikes with him there. My aunt gave the family 20 jars and invited us to either scatter them or take them home. After some thought, I figured that I didn't know which was a better way to honour him. So I chose a tree to scatter my bottle under, and Lee-Anne kept hers.

I thought that, because he was sociable I should put it somewhere that he could see people moving by. I found a spot near a walking trail and river, overlooked by this tree.

 

I also took note of a memorial bench nearby, just because those are always distinct and unlikely to be moved. A way to make sure I could find my way back.

He neighbours Marjorie and Stan Collinson. There's an engraved quote that says "Memories are precious, life goes along, fill it with caring and love"

Maybe not hyper-specific to our family, but it fits and it's a nice sentiment.

Mom thought similarly and split the difference with the ashes she was given, scattering some and taking some home. She says she wants to spread some near where they're currently living, and some near mine and Lee-Anne's place.