Brother's 30th

 Last weekend on the 12th was my brother's 30th birthday. Kind of a weird feeling to see your younger brother hit an age marker like that. Honestly, I think it felt weirder than reaching that life stage myself. 

He's doing well though. He's in a relationship, he quit his grocery store job that he hated, and about a week before his birthday he came to Kitchener to do an exam for an IT program, which he passed. Of all fields, you'd think IT would be able to support that remotely, but apparently not. His recent successes made the age thing easier, I think.

He visited us afterward. It was less exciting than last visit, though. He came during the work day, and me and Lee-Anne are both working remotely, so we weren't able to entertain much. Lee-Anne was able to go meet him at the place he took the exam, and they went to a local bakery afterward and came back on the ION. Riding our light rail was one of the things he wanted to do, so that was at least a little exciting. I asked him what he thought of it and he was like, "It was great! It was exactly like a Toronto street car" which... Eh... I hate to admit it, but that's an extremely fair comparison. They were even made by the same company. The ION has better accessibility though.

I made broccoli cheddar soup for dinner.

Since I mentioned Lee-Anne working from home, I should say that she's working for the CNIB right now, which is the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. She has albinism, which in addition to pale skin and blue eyes (not red, like some media portrayals) also results in low vision. Therefor, she's used services from the CNIB in the past, and it makes sense for her to work there now.

Recently, me and Lee-Anne went to the Waterloo Region Art Gallery. On our way there, we saw a Freedom Rally move through downtown. There were a lot of people involved. I don't even know what they're protesting anymore. The vaccine passport mandate was removed early this month, and the mask mandate is coming down near the end of the month. They got everything they wanted, so why are they still protesting?

Here's a pic of the convoy that Lee-Anne snapped

This doesn't really give justice to the scale of what we saw, but you can see the double Canadian flags which have become associated with this movement, and you can see a truck. There were a lot of vehicles with pro-convoy messages written on them. Not going to lie, I like Canada's flag and I wish they wouldn't use it in this way.

I guess I should mention since the last update I made was about the Freedom Convoy while it was still active, that shortly after I made that post real effort was put into removing the trucks from Ottawa. People were escorted away, there were some arrests, some fighting back, some injuries. The main protest was dissolved, but now there are these smaller, shorter protests popping up in cities everywhere. So long as they do it during daytime hours and don't break the law it's fine for them to do so, but it just seems pointless now that restrictions are being removed.

I stand by what I said in my last post, the removal of restrictions is not a good thing. Right now cases are decreasing, which seems to happen around this time of year anyway, and it's normal for safety measures to be reduced, but we shouldn't get too comfortable. Now that we're looking at this disease as potentially a permanent aspect of our lives, I agree that we shouldn't focus on harsh lockdowns to "stop the spread" since a complete end to the virus no longer looks possible, but we should normalize safety precautions as we reopen society, the key strategies being vaccination, masks, distancing indoors and scheduling large social occasions during times of the year when cases aren't spiking. Total removal of safety precautions is going to put our medical system under strain which will make our society suffer in the long run.

An example of our safety precautions being insufficient is that I know someone with a kid who recently got COVID. Apparently it's common enough that schools don't have to alert families if someone contracts it, only if over a certain percentage does. So the family is required to isolate for five days. FIVE DAYS! That's the average incubation period, not the period when you're still infectious, and indeed, the daughter was still in poor condition after five days, but because the mother was testing negative, that means that she can legally go wherever she wants, even though she's living with someone who is currently symptomatic with COVID. Crazy stuff.

I don't think removing the vaccine passport will cause an immediate spike in cases, because I think most unvaccinated people were socializing on their own anyway, but in the long run it could disincentivize people to get vaccinated, which will cause a gradual increase in cases.

There's talks of my work moving to our modified in-person format, which makes sense for this time of year. The government has made clear that we are an "exception to the removal of restrictions" which is a very awkward sentence that means that we are required to continue using the typical safety measures, which I believe is wise.

One last thing before I close this post. Don't expect me to speak at length on the topic of Ukraine and Russia. For historical purposes, I guess I'll summarize the situation. Recently, Russia invaded Ukraine. In response, most of the world has issued economic sanctions on Russia and many corporations refuse to deal directly with them. Russia's president, Vladimir Putin has made cryptic threats about "consequences" the world will suffer for involving themselves in this conflict. Because of Russia's powerful nuclear forces and history of aggression, this is pretty intimidating. The term "World War 3" as a genuine possibility to this conflict is being thrown around. Apparently, Russia's current actions have resulted in the largest attack on a European nation since WW2.

The reason I don't want to talk much about it is because I know that during times of war, propaganda goes crazy, and there is very clearly a perspective I'm supposed to take as a patriotic Canadian. Our support goes to Ukraine. Given the knowledge I have in this moment, this is the reasonable conclusion. Obviously I'm anti-war.

I just don't really have any unique insight or anything to contribute to the discussion. All I can do is repeat the sentiments that pretty well every other Canadian has. At least with COVID there are a few different popular takes on the subject, but most of the Western world seems to agree on the Russia situation.

Freedom Convoy

Before the Omicron strain was detected, I remember telling one of my coworkers that if a much deadlier variant of COVID were to emerge, or a new pandemic entirely, that I didn't think we as a society would be able to adapt as well as we did in the first wave. The hope would be that because we're more aware of how disease is transferred and are more practiced in handling such situations, we would be more prepared. However, I said that with how burned out people are from the COVID restrictions, and because of the resulting widespread distrust in government, the reality was that people would be less accepting of any new safety measures.

Then Omicron came out and before the restrictions were put in place, I said on here that I didn't think another lockdown was likely because it would cause unparalleled noncompliance. To my surprise, the government did decide to implement hard restrictions at a similar level to the lockdowns, although they avoided using the term. While people weren't happy, society kept moving along relatively normally.

So it took a few months, but we've reached the unparalleled noncompliance that I had anticipated. About three weeks ago, our government decided to implement a new policy that would require truckers to provide proof of vaccination for entry into Canada. This was the catalyst that caused the formation of a new protest movement, branded as the "Freedom Convoy".

With truckers spearheading the movement, they drove their vehicles to Ottawa and occupied the downtown area, blaring their horns night and day. Initially, the purpose of the movement was to end the specific policy that had inspired it, but it quickly became a catch-all heiring of grievances over COVID measures, and their demands for ceasing the protest became an end to all COVID mandates.

Another protest took place on the Canada-US border, attempting to block vaccinated truckers that chose to continue working. While I haven't noticed an impact to my shopping, my brother who was until very recently working in a grocery store says that this has indeed caused supply chain issues. He says that "If there's anything managers hate, it's empty shelves." The response is to stock them with things that wouldn't normally go there. He gave an example of a section of the hot deli getting stocked with romaine lettuce to avoid having it empty. At a Wal Mart, me and Lee-Anne noticed there was an absurdly disproportionate quantity of Coffee Crisps over other chocolate bars.

Aside from occupying the capital and the border barricade, a series of Freedom Convoy protests cropped up throughout Canada, including Toronto, Winnipeg, Nova Scotia, Vancouver, Quebec City, and Edmonton. Even here in Waterloo Region we've had protests sweep through under the name of the Freedom Convoy. The people protesting has expanded from just truckers to anyone who wants to stand against COVID mandates.

It's gone international, with support protests occurring in Australia, New Zealand, and the UK. The Canadian flag has been flown overseas as a symbol against COVID measures, and I see the Freedom Convoy being covered in American media all the time.  Very weird feeling, since we have until recently had a reputation as one of the Western countries more dedicated to eradicating the virus. We might be an example of the nations who took a harder stance on it initially, finally succumbing to the pressure. New Zealand took a very hard line against COVID when things started out and were the first Western nation to fully reopen. The common perception was that NZ was exceptionally unified in their intention, but now they have shown some of the strongest support of Canada's protests.

I won't pretend to be neutral on the subject, I'm against the Freedom Convoy. I don't think this will surprise many as I've made individual posts for each of my vaccinations. I sympathize with the mental health concerns that have been caused because of COVID measures. Suicide, substance abuse, and domestic violence have all increased since the beginning of the pandemic and helping people to cope with the mental health aspect of this unwanted reality has been most of my job since things started out.

But even if I don't implicitly trust politicians or the media, I do trust the vast majority of scientists and medical professionals who have weighed in on this topic. It's true, they may not be experts at balancing the physical versus mental health risk, but I have seen the fallout of a compromised medical system. I won't go into detail, but Lee-Anne would normally be eligible for a surgery regarding a chronic health issue, but because of COVID, it's seen as "not essential" and hasn't been an option. During the first wave, my roommate suffered from kidney failure and was supposed to have a surgery but it was indefinitely postponed. Later, he suffered another attack that perhaps would have been preventable if he were more proactive, but he wouldn't have gotten to that stage if he'd had his surgery when he initially needed it. My granddad suffered from acute dementia and we weren't able to be there for him in the way we would have liked because COVID didn't allow for visitors.

I don't think the hospitals are putting these restrictions up because of propaganda.

No one that I know well has died from the virus, but one of Lee-Anne's relatives passed from it, two people related to my old roommate, and a guy that was somehow tied to my agency's funding, who I'd met and who was close to a coworker.

If people are surviving due to access to medical care, then even if they're surviving the disease now, they won't if they're all in the hospital at once and resources are exhausted.

The high rate of burnout due to COVID has caused an increased number of medical professionals to leave the field. Will people show as much interest in the profession with the increased caregiver strain? If this disease turns out to be permanent, we'll need them more, but if we don't support them by trying to stay safe, we could have a reduction of professionals in the long run.

Even if it only effects people with comorbidities, one of those is age, which means we'll likely have a lowered overall life expectancy. That might be good for the overpopulation issue, but I find it sad that we won't be able to facilitate a long life for those that would otherwise be able to achieve it.

And I work with the immunocompromised. The mask mandates among others allow them to engage with society relatively safely. Ending all mandates would force them into hiding. It would increase the freedom for some, but reduce it for others. We would have a less inclusive society.

When the virus is eradicated, or when we are able to implement a healthcare system capable of handling our current challenges, we will be able to go back to normal. The current issue won't disappear because we're sick of it.

All this being said, I approve of the Freedom Convoy's right to protest, so long as it happens within the legal parameters that exist within our country. I also have an appreciation for how difficult it can be to organize a protest, and how people might try to misrepresent your cause. When I was in College, we were taught a bit about how to organize a protest, and how if even one person impulsively picked up a rock and threw it, the media would use that to represent your issue.

So when people attending the Freedom Convoy fly swastikas and Confederate flags, when they dress up Canadian hero Terry Fox's memorial with propaganda, and when they dance on the Grave of the Unknown Soldier, I tell myself "I might disagree with their cause, but that's not necessarily what they represent".

As an aside, Terry Fox would probably not agree with them. He ran across Canada on a prosthetic leg to raise funds for cancer research. I believe he would have sided with medical science.

The generally joyous and celebratory nature of these protestors seems a bit odd too. During the Black Lives Matters protests, for example, the overall emotions you were able to detect were along the lines of anger and desperation. These Freedom Convoy people have brought their children, set up bounce castles, and held BBQs. The BLM protesters didn't bring their kids because there was a sense of danger. The Freedom Convoy people, who claim a feeling of oppression, obviously can't conceive of their children being put in harms way because of their cause. 

This protest has breached some legal boundaries too. Their right to protest does not allow them to negatively impact the health of civilians, to create economic danger for the nation, or to accept financial support from foreign countries. By depriving Ottawa residents of sleep and by polluting the air through constantly running their engines, they have arguably put locals in harms way. By blocking Canada's trade routes, they have impacted our access to resources. They have also received funds for food and fuel through a number of sources, including bitcoin and the website gofundme, with donors being sourced to the US primarily.

I've seen a few representatives of the Freedom Convoy denouncing the trade barrier, the swastikas, and rumours about implementing a coup. Despite their claims to represent a "unified, multicultural Canada" I've yet to see a chosen representative of there's be anything other than a white male. Nothing wrong with being a white male, and it's honestly refreshing to hear them state diversity as an ideal, but I just haven't seen the support from diverse communities that they claim.

They have claimed a lot of success based on a recent reduction in COVID restrictions. Because this is happening in conjunction with the beginning of the end of our current wave, it's hard to tell if this is because of protests or because of the seasonal dip in cases. Protesting is an effective way of evoking social change, so perhaps it has impacted things.

Recently our Prime Minister Justin Trudeau evoked the Emergencies Act, which allows the government to go beyond the usual legal limits in response to a threat. This is the modified version of the War Act, which was implemented by our current PM's father, Pierre Trudeau when he was in office.

In doing this, Justin Trudeau has been able to halt the flow of foreign funds in support of the Freedom Convoy, and he has recently employed the help of the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police, or "Mounties" as you might know them)

The situation is still escalating. Overall, my position is that I disagree with their cause, but I approve of their right to protest if it's within our legal parameters, which it isn't.

RIP Blackavar

Yesterday, one of the Guelph family cats, Blackavar, passed away. It was expected and peaceful. He was at least 18 years old.  He'd had some health issues leading up to now. About a year prior, he suddenly lost the use of his back legs. He was brought to the vet and they determined that he'd thrown his back out and that he was arthritic with bone spurs. When they heard what his age was, they were pessimistic but they prescribed him some painkillers. Surprisingly, he regained the use of his limbs and continued to live a seemingly content lifestyle. Since then, his senses deteriorated, and my mother described him as "Confused but still happy". 

On his last day, I was told that he was low on energy and appetite. If you've ever seen a cat pass, you might understand how apparent it is that they're time is running out. Even if they're still active, you get the sense that they have one foot into another world.

He hugged onto my brother's leg, and let himself be cradled and was purring. His meow softened. Eventually, he just curled up and stopped moving.

I remember when we first got him. My friend Josh knew someone who'd had a litter of barn kittens and was looking to adopt them out. We took one, because we wanted a kitten to keep our current cat, Penny, company after her friend Booshy had passed.

We weren't prepared for the difficulties of introducing the two of them. Penny, who we'd known to be fairly docile, immediately attacked the new kitten and we had to separate them. Eventually they did become friends, often curling up next to each other like a Yin-Yang symbol. Blackavar being the darker Yin, and Penny being the lighter Yang.

But before they learned to get along, me and Mom had to take turns sleeping in the same room as the new kitten. It was very difficult to get any rest because of how high-energy he was. I remember him pouncing on my throat with all his weight on his front paws to wake me up.

Eventually we named him Blackavar. I'm responsible for that. I've never been good at coming up with names, but I'm good at being temporarily excited by my own ideas, and convincing people to go along. The reason for the name was because my favourite rabbit in the novel Watership Down was named Blackavar. Later on, we'd get a rabbit and I'd convince people to name him Moss. So we had a cat named after a rabbit, and a rabbit named after a plant. Still later, we adopted a fluffy black cat named Thor. So now Blackavar, a grey-and-black tabby, was named after a shade that he wasn't even the most prominently coloured in.

When he was young, I'd wrestle with him and pretend to let him win. I attributed this partially to how egoistic he got later in life.

All in all, he was with the family through three moves. He saw Penny and Luna pass. He saw Luna, Thor, and Cassidy be adopted. In the time that he was alive, I graduated highschool, attended the Ways2Work program, did Katimavik and Canada World Youth, worked in eleven factories, got accepted into and graduated from Human Services Foundations and Social Services. I lived in the college residence and student housing with 20 different roommates overall. I was reacquainted with my father and fell out with him. My mother was diagnosed with Hepatitus C and recovered. I lived in three different places after graduating college, with five different roommates. I worked as a Summer Program Leader, an Independent Facilitator, a Direct Support Worker, a Safe Management Instructor and a Child and Youth Worker, and eventually got work where I am now. I met Lee-Anne, moved in with her, and got engaged.

Thor is a year older than Blackavar, but we adopted him when he was six. I think Blackavar holds the record for having been with us through the most life events. Rest In Peace, old friend.

My Hot Ones Interview

There's a Youtube show called Hot Ones, where people are interviewed while eating successively spicier hot wings. I think the point of it is that people are more likely to be transparent with their answers if they can't think clearly due to escalating pain. You know, like torture.

The interviewer, Sean Evans, is pretty cool though and doesn't tend to take advantage of his guests while they're under the influence of spice. I've watched a good number of episodes. I definitely don't watch every one, but if the guest is someone I know and find interesting, I'll watch it.

For Christmas, Lee-Anne's mom bought me the 2021 lineup of hot sauces they use on their wings, and yesterday I got Lee-Anne to interview me. We taped it, but I'm debating whether I want to post it or not. It's an hour long, as opposed to the 30 minutes they usually have on the Youtube series. Of course, they have the benefit of being able to edit their footage, which would cut down their time considerably. We also don't have theme music, multiple camera angles, or echoing effects whenever I reacted to spice.

Part of me wants to transcribe the answers into text on here, but I feel like that's missing a big part of the point of the show, which is to watch people react to the heat.

It was still fun to do. Usually Sean Evans eats the wings along with the guest, but we didn't have Lee-Anne do that, since her spice tolerance isn't at that level.

There are ten sauces. I couldn't detect any heat on the first two. It was noticeable on the third. The fourth and fifth had a really nice heat-flavour ratio and were by far my favourite. The fourth was Los Calientes, it was 36,000 Scoville heat units and had kind of a chili taste. Not so much like chili peppers, but more like the dish. It's description says that it has tomatillo, serrano, and apricot. The ingredients list has cumin, which is where I'm probably finding the chili connection. The fifth was Hot Heads Official: Revolutionary. It has 57,000 Scoville heat units and featured scorpion peppers. Scorpion peppers are a superhot, which is a title given to any pepper hotter than a habanero. It's a former Guiness Book of World Records title holder for hottest pepper in the world, dethroning the ghost pepper, but eventually losing to the Carolina reaper. 

I have a bottle of scorpion pepper puree, and it may sound insane, but I actually enjoy the taste of them. When you get to the level of superhot, you come to think of them as simply vehicles to deliver pain, but the scorpion pepper is the one superhot I would argue has a good flavour to it that shines through the heat. In Hot Heads Official: Revolutionary, they manage to capture the deliciousness of the pepper while dialing down the spice to something that is present but doesn't feel too distracting.

Da Bomb: Beyond Insanity, which is their eighth sauce, usually gets the strongest reactions out of guests, so I was eager to try it. With 135,600 heat units, I'd heard that, while it isn't as high on the Scoville scale as the two ahead of it, it's the most unpleasant to take in. There are different types of heat. Some hit you immediately, and some build and burn slowly. Some effect you more on the lips, some hit you more in the digestive track. So while a lot of these sauces have a slow build up that allows you to take in the flavour before experiencing the pain, my impression was that Da Bomb hits you in the face immediately, then in the gut, and it has no redeeming qualities in terms of flavour either. While the other two sauces might be more painful at their peak, they don't hit as fast or as long, and they don't taste as bad.

I had lower expectations for the version of Da Bomb that I received in my collection, though. This is because the one they use on the show has something called pepper extract. I might botch this explanation, but my understanding is that this means they do something to remove the capsaicin, which is what makes peppers spicy, from the pepper itself and use it in the sauce instead of using the whole thing. This system creates certain health implications in the final product, which has led Hot Ones to remove all sauces with pepper extract from their lineup with one exception, that being Da Bomb.

But the Hot Ones' partner company Heatonist, which produces the sauces, didn't want to put a potentially unhealthy sauce to market, so they developed a version of Da Bomb using all natural ingredients, mimicking the flavour of pepper extract without using it. I thought it might be impossible to replicate that experience, and I was right. Da Bomb in my collection had a slow burn heat, and its flavour was unremarkable but not bad.

The hottest sauce was their final in the lineup, The Last Dab with two million Scoville heat units, which is rumoured to not be that hot in practice, since guests seem to be in their worst shape after Da Bomb, but recover a bit by the last wing. The tradition is to dab a little extra on the last one to finish things off. A little redundant for me because I'd just been dabbing sauces on the wings anyway, since I wasn't going to dirty ten dishes by tossing each individual wing in sauce beforehand. This is a legal move though, because when they were doing the Hot Ones At Home during COVID restrictions, guests would just dab on the wings, and Sean said they would usually add more than usual by accident anyway.

Because I was still in good shape by the last wing, I drenched it in sauce until it was coated and dripping, and then slurped up every bit of it for one last chance to have my answers be impacted by heat. It was hot, but I still had presence of mind. It was where I thought I'd be at the seventh wing, which was the Bhutila Fire. I don't even know if the last sauce was that hot because it's the most potent, or because I just took in more of it.

All in all, the experience was a little disillusioning and underwhelming. There wasn't a sauce I couldn't do multiple dabs with. I'll never be able to look at those celebrities with respect again as they contort in pain. After the interview, Lee-Anne tried Los Callientes,  because it was my favourite, and said it was about the limit of her heat tolerance, and she tried a drop of The Last Dab because I said it was the hottest, and she said I was a monster for handling the amount that I did.

Anyway, all this is partially a setup for an outcome that happened  as a result of this interview the next day. Lee-Anne's question for me on the ninth wing, with Hellfire: Kranked was "What was your initial exposure to anime?" My answer was a cartoon called Friends of the Forest from when I was a young child, which at the time I wouldn't have been able to recognize as anime.

In fact, I made a post on this show last year: http://lairofthegryphon.blogspot.com/2021/05/friends-of-forest.html

Basically, when I was a teenager and the Internet was still young, I tried looking up my favourite childhood TV show. After some research, I found a Japanese version. Years later, a translation emerged, but it was different than the one I remembered, titled Fables of the Green Forest. Eventually, I found it acknowledged on Lost Media Wiki that there was a second translation, with an entirely different voice cast, titled Friends of the Forest. While there was a record of its existence, none of the actual content had emerged. It was hard for me because I had all the episodes taped on VHS, but we'd lost them.

I've been especially fixated on the theme song. I felt that it would have to rot away in my brain as an imperfect memory, never sure if it ever actually existed.

Just an infectious jingle, that only I remembered: Friends of the Forest, there's room for everyone

Anyway, because I described this to Lee-Anne as technically my first exposure to anime, and detailed my decades-long attempt to unearth evidence of the version from my youth, the next day she tried looking it up.

Without telling me she'd found anything, she nonchalantly played this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcfNfUmEpRM

I was shocked silent. As I heard the lyrics, they came back to me a moment before they were played.

I'd been searching for this for seventeen years

And now, I'll write down the lyrics here in case this video is ever lost (it sounds like the beginning was clipped off, but this is still a lot better than I ever expected to get).

We love the forest

There's room for everyone

Oh, Rocky

Rocky lives in a tree

He's so happy

Living where he wants to be

Come and join him

And all his animal pals

In adventures

Our stories filled with fun and laughter

We are friends of the forest

Lay all day in the sun

We love the forest

There's room for everyone

Oh, Rocky

You may not be as fast as a rabbit

You always get there last

When there's a problem

You know just what to do

Oh, Rocky~

We can always rely on you

We can always rely on you

We are friends of the forest

Lay all day in the sun

We love the forest

There's room for everyone

We are friends of the forest

Come and join the fun

We love the forest

There's room for everyone

Year Forward and Back Tarot Reading 2021-2022

Last year I did a year ahead tarot reading. A Celtic Cross spread, exploring 2020 in the Beneath and Behind cards, and looking into 2021 in the Above, Before and Outcome cards.

I used to do one with a central card representing the theme of the entire year, surrounded by twelve cards, each representing a month. But it appeared that modern readers were generally distancing themselves from such spreads, not wanting to be confused with fortune tellers. People tend to fixate on the predictive quality of tarot, but most spreads look as much into the past and present, and usually don't treat the future as if it's static, offering two futures with an optional intervention that chooses between them.

This year, I did another Celtic Cross, a 10-card spread which I would say is the most standard. I did one for Lee-Anne and she did one for me, but I'll only be describing the one she did for me in this post. 

Before we get into the newest reading, let's look at last years and see if it had any accuracy.

Last year, I got The Emperor in Reverse for my Above card, representing my uninterrupted future, and I got the Queen of Pentacles as my Advice, which, should I have chosen to take it, would lead to the Outcome, which was Death.

I interpreted the Emperor in Reverse to contrast my Cover card, which represented who I was at that time, which was The Hierophant. Both are Major Arcana and connected to one another. The Hierophant represents a leader in the realm of the spiritual, philosophical and intangible, whereas the Emperor is a leader more focused on practical, real-world approaches. The Hierophant was upright while The Emperor was reversed, so the former was drawing from the positives of such a style while the latter the negatives. I interpreted this to mean I was in danger of my leadership style changing from one that was observant and attending to mental health needs, to one that was more authoritarian and externally-focused.

The option given to me to avoid such an outcome was the Queen of Wands, which would lead to Death. This seems grim, but Death in tarot rarely represents physical death (that would more likely be The World, Judgement, or the 10th card of any suit, although there aren't any cards that can only mean physical death) and more often the end of something followed by rebirth. This is probably the most-repeated lecture any reader has to give, since there's a lot of fear surrounding the Death card for those that aren't familiar with the meanings. It's a mid-stage card, not and ending one, it's usually positive, and probably preferable to The Emperor in Reverse.

At the time, I interpreted the Queen of Wands to be Lee-Anne, and Death a form of spiritual rebirth. So the takeaway was to abide by Lee-Anne's influence instead of just trying to handle things myself. 

My Crossing (The Fool), Near Future (Page of Wands Reversed), and Recent Past (Page of Swords Reversed) cards all represented new beginnings and unpredictable futures filled with apprehension. My interpretation was that this unpredictable future event would be the thing that threatened to lead me toward career burnout.

 Looking back on the year, I would say that the unpredictable event leading to a potentially negative change in leadership style was my promotion. It came with new responsibilities, including a lot of clerical duties which don't necessarily feed into my strengths. I've had to learn to focus less on the interpersonal qualities of my position and more on the practical, systems-based side of things. Adding to the unpredictability, the person that was supposed to be mentoring me as I took on my new role wound up going on an emergency leave, and then I had to train the person who was taking my old position while I was figuring out my new one. I was then transferred to a new team not long after.

I hate to admit it, but I may have followed the negative route a bit. I think that learning to deal with the new responsibilities has not improved my leadership style, and the stress has weighed on me.

I would say that I did let the Queen of Wands impact me somewhat. In my Year in Review post, I credited Lee-Anne keeping me on track with my weight loss. I feel more in control of than than I have over that since working at the group home. I don't know if that counts as "spiritual rebirth". I don't think it's limited to just weight either, although that's the most observable, measurable change.

Anyway, let's get into the current year. One thing I'd like to note, is that between the two readings, despite using entirely different decks and with different people shuffling, half of the cards were repeats (King of Swords, Queen of Swords, Two of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles, and Ace of Cups). Just interesting to observe, I guess we're walking such similar paths now that it comes across in the reading.

This Covers Me: The Sun

This card represents who I am in my present life. I got The Sun which is one of the most positive cards in the deck. If someone were to ask me which card was the happiest, I'd say it's either the Ten of Cups or The Sun. It represents your goals and the things you want being right in front of you, fully attainable.

This makes sense. Right now I'm with the person I want to be with, doing the job I want to do, I'm living in the place I want to be, and I've got two great cats. I'm walking on sunshine.

This Crosses Me: The King of Swords

This card represents the presenting situation. Swords represent the element of air, burdens, and strengths. The King of Swords is one of the Court Cards, which usually represent people. Kings are symbols of authority, established in their role, well-known and depended upon. This is interesting, because in Lee-Anne's reading, she received this as her Cover card. So this likely indicates that she is the presenting situation.

This is Beneath Me: The Three of Pentacles

This is the recent past. Pentacles represent the element of earth, finances, and tangible things. The Three of Pentacles depicts an architect consulting two people who are going over blueprints for some kind of building. It represents collaboration and communication. Lee-Anne got this for her fear card. I guess it makes sense that she would fear it, if we just went through it not long ago, and perhaps she didn't care for it.

This is Behind Me: The Five of Wands

This is my distant past. Wands represents the element of fire, spirituality, wellness, and day-to-day events. This card depicts five people, fumbling around and trying to work together by connecting the wands that they're holding, with great difficulty.

This card is often seen as negative, with a focus on difficulty with communication, but I've always seen it as more positive than not. I mentioned this in a post and even consulted my grandma about it. While they are having difficulty working together toward a common goal, it's still five people coming together with a shared purpose and attempting to make things work. And I think that's more good than bad.

It flows really nicely with the Three of Pentacles. They're different suits, but the Five of Wands is the card representing difficulty with communication and collaboration, and the Three of Pentacles represents effective communication and collaboration. With the Five of Wands representing the distant past and the Three of Pentacles the recent past, it shows an increase in effectiveness with collaboration over the past year. Nice.

This is Above Me: The Ace of Cups

This is my distant future if I continue the way I am. Cups represent the element of water and emotions. The ace cards represent the beginning of journeys, so it makes sense to conclude that this card is the beginning of an emotional journey. Lee-Anne got this one as her Outcome card. As a side note, all four suits have been shown at this point. Also, the Major Arcana, Court Cards, and Pip Cards have all been represented. Very diverse spread.

This is Before Me: The Ten of Swords Reversed

This is my near future. The ten of swords depicts someone laying on the ground with ten swords in his back. It represents a bad end to a journey filled with burdens. In reverse though, it happens more intentionally. So instead of having this bad fate thrust upon the person, it's more like the person is "ripping off a bandaid". Putting an end to a problem that's been going on for too long.

These Are My Fears: The Queen of Swords Reversed

Queen cards represent a more subtle authority. The power-behind-the power. They provide a guiding influence. The Queen of swords is the type to manage the burdens of others without drawing attention to herself.

Lee-Anne got this in the upright position for her People in Her Life. Since she got the King of Swords as her cover card, it looked like two people in similar life stations, dealing with similar struggles.

This does suggest that Lee-Anne is represented as The King, and myself as The Queen.  I should mention here that the King does not necessarily represent someone who is male, and the Queen doesn't have to be female. With my career using a servant leadership model, dealing with emotions, and using preventative strategies, it's inevitable that I will sometimes be the subtle, guiding influence instead of the authoritative, commanding one. Get over it.

Anyway, the fact that it was upright in Lee-Anne's spread and reversed in mine, and it's her People but my Fear, indicates that I have some doubt in my ability to fulfill my role adequately. Very normal insecurity type stuff.

This is the People in My Life: The Ace of Swords Reversed

I've already said that swords represent burdens and strengths, and aces represents the beginning of journeys, so it makes sense that the Ace of Swords is the beginning of a journey filled with burdens. Being in reverse means that this anticipated journey is full of apprehension. This means that someone in my life is anticipating some kind of commitment, and are uncertain that they can handle the stress that comes along with it. Honestly, nobody is jumping to mind.

This is My Advice: The Two of Pentacles

The Advice card can either be a suggestion or a warning. Basically, it means, "If you do this, whatever the Outcome card is will happen". Basically, if you like the Outcome better than the Above card, follow the guidance of the Advice card. If you like the Above card better than the Outcome, avoid following the Advice. This is the intervention that will allow you to change your future, should you wish.

The number two cards usually have a sense of balance, a kind of yin-yang, a sense of duality. The Two of Pentacles depicts a man juggling two large pentacles with an infinity symbol woven around them. This represents a need to keep track of several different priorities at once, with everything "up in the air".

Lee-Anne got this as her "Crossing" card, her presenting situation.

This is My Outcome: The Page of Pentacles Reversed

The Page is the earliest of the Court Cards. It represents an individual on the early stage of a journey. They have yet to develop a name for themselves and their life is still very dynamic and capable of change. 

This card represents someone trying to take on a new project, but insecure about how to go about it and dealing with setbacks.

Conclusion

I am presently in a very positive life space. Over the past year, I've struggled a lot with communication and collaboration, but with much effort, I have managed to be more productive and capable of handling a nevertheless daunting task. I think this could have to do with my promotion and all the chaos that came along with it, due to role changes, new hires, new responsibilities, changing teams, and unexpected absences, along with shifting between in-person and remote work several times.

Me and Lee-Anne are both becoming more established, and are both experiencing similar growing burdens and responsibilities, becoming more authoritative and developing reputations for ourselves. While we are similar in this regard, there is a subtle difference in how we present, with myself being a more guiding influence and Lee-Anne being more overt. While Lee-Anne sees me as filling my role adequately, I struggle with self-doubt.

In the near future, I will make the hard decision to call an end to something that I've been struggling with for a long time. I don't look forward to making the call, but it's for the greater good. I think this has to do with a facet of my career that I've been trying to put an end to. Don't really think I should go into it here.

Someone in my life is struggling with self-doubt as they look toward a commitment, wondering if they can handle the associated stress. Honestly, maybe it's Lee-Anne and the prospects of marriage are scarier than she's letting on.

In my future I have the choice between a new emotional journey, or to struggle with getting a project off the ground. I probably want the emotional journey, which means that I should avoid juggling priorities. I take this to mean that I should stay focused and not take on too many new responsibilities, and not to confuse myself with too many new ideas. By keeping my head clear, I'll be able to see a new path before me.

Got Boosted

Me and Lee-Anne got our COVID booster shots today. I got my first two from a pop-up clinic for people who have disabilities and for the people that work with them. Lee-Anne got hers in advance in Brampton because she was on the payroll of her family's optometry practice. For the booster, there's been much less guidance on who can or should be getting it, so we both wound up booking our appointments in the same manner as the general population.

We managed to land an appointment for the same timeslot and location. It was at the Region of Waterloo Headquarters. I wound up getting Moderna for the third time in a row, and Lee-Anne got her third Pfizer, so neither of us have had to mix yet.

At the other place I went to, they asked everybody to wait in their vehicles for 20 minutes after getting their shot and honk their horn if they felt like they were going to pass out. This was upsetting to me because, while I've never personally passed out after a vaccination, I've sat next to people when they have, and I've never known someone to shout or otherwise indicate that they were about to pass out. I didn't have faith in the one person looking over the parking lot to be able to monitor everyone in their vehicles either. Also, I don't have a car and neither do many people with disabilities, who they were specifically serving, and they didn't have a clear alternative or offer any guidance on what to do if you didn't come by vehicle. I followed the arrows on the ground as instructed looking for a waiting room and eventually found myself outside in a rain storm. I wound up wedged against the building under a small overhang in the rain for 20 minutes, hoping that if I were to pass out, I'd be able to shout for help beforehand. When I came back for my second shot, they had a clearly marked waiting room.

At this new place, they had a standard waiting area with a person monitoring, and didn't even give the option to wait in a vehicle. We also only had to wait five minutes, instead of twenty.

So far I've had no side effects, not even a sore arm, which I thought was less about the chemicals and more about getting jabbed in the bicep with a needle. I haven't heard of anybody having difficulty with their booster yet. It seems like everybody gets to have one bad reaction and from thereon out they don't get much in the way of side effects. For most people it's with their second shot, which was my experience. First time around, I just had a sore arm afterward. The second time, I had a low-level fever with aches and pains for about a day. This time around, nothing. But Mom got a week-long fever after her first dose, which gave me a lot of anxiety because I thought that if the first one is usually better than the second, then her second dose could be that much worse. But the medical professionals were just impressed by her symptoms and said it was because she has a great immune system, and she proceeded to have absolutely no symptoms for her second dose.

2021 Year in Review

 2021 was better than 2020. People who say otherwise don't remember the mass panic that came with the first wave of COVID. This year we knew how it spread, we knew how to test for it, and vaccines were made much easier to access (although global distribution is still a huge problem). The aliens and murder hornets were more chill this year, although they're still around. Derek Chauvin, the guy who murdered George Floyd and acted as a catalyst for widespread social upheaval, was sentenced guilty for murder. Trump's out of office and things seem to be a bit quieter South of the border. We didn't get another mass shooting in Canada. Things have been alright, for the most part.

Granted, we did get a few more COVID waves and it's mutated into apparently 12 additional strains. I think there were... three variants by the end of 2020? Back then they were called the UK, Brazil, and South Africa variants, and they were later labeled as Alpha, Beta, and Gamma to avoid stigmatizing countries. This year we got Delta, which proved far more transmissible than the previous three, and recently Omicron, which is way more transmissible than Delta.

The overthrowing of the Capitol Building in the US happened early 2021.

Canada had its share of social unrest with the discovery of the unreported remains of thousands of Indigenous children under former residential schools.

Israel bombed Palestine, including a major news outlet. The US pulled out of Afghanistan after a 20-year war following 9/11, culminating in Afghanistan's acting government being overthrown, unable to defend itself without US support.

Ok, so 2021 wasn't better for everyone.

In my personal life I appreciated a good degree of success. I got engaged (just recently and it's the first time I'm mentioning it on here, so don't feel bad for not remembering), I went permanent full-time in my career, I was accepted back into University and completed my first course since returning, and we got another cat, Finnegan.

Now let's check in on my New Year's Resolutions for 2021 and see if I lived up to them.

For 2021 I resolved to update my blog 50 times, which was up from 2020's resolution to update 40 times. In 2020 I made 45 updates to this blog, 5 on Gryphood, and 3 on Gryphon's Gallery, totaling 53. In 2021 I posted on this blog 34 times, which is the all time low, beneath the previous record low of 37 in 2019. But I updated Gryphood 14 times, Gryphon's Gallery 3 times, and Gryphon's Reviews 3 times. So the total post count is 54, one up from 2020.

Gryphood posts were: blueberry tarts, frybread, banana bread, scalloped potatoes, hummus, taco dip, curry, broccoli cheddar soup, loaded baked potato soup, empanadas, cheesecake, hamburger soup, mac & cheese, and fried rice

Gallery posts:

For my review blog, I did two book reviews: The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchet, and Glittering Images by Susan Howatch, and I did a review of the Canadian-Korean sitcom Kim's Convenience. Partway through the year I wanted to commit to doing a review for everything I read. I didn't manage that, but I also didn't resolve it, so I didn't fail. I'll resolve it this year though.

I'll resolve to make a total blog update count of 55 in 2022, so that I'll have gone up by one each year over three years. I'm off to a good start, since I updated Gryphood twice yesterday (spinach artichoke dip and yellow coconut curry)

Gryphood

Gryphon's Gallery (gryphonsgallery.blogspot.com)

Gryphon's Reviews (gryphonsreviews.blogspot.com)

So last year I resolved to walk an average of at least 25 km weekly. I didn't keep track of it throughout January but started documenting in February. Since I've been recording it, my weekly average has been... 33.3. That's a fun number. I think I'll increase last year's goal by 5 and resolve to walk an average of 30 km or more weekly next year. Part of me wants to be more aspirational and increase it to 35 since I was so close to that, but nah. Moving the baseline goal is good enough for next year, I think.

During the colder times of the year, which were also when my work was generally being done remotely, you can see me barely squeaking out 25 km a bunch. But when I was going into work in person, walking to and from the office, the average is significantly higher. For a little while I was running a park group, during which I had my highest numbers.

We don't know what COVID will look like in 2022, whether or not there will be stay-at-home orders, whether or not I'll be working remotely, if I'll be running a park group again, so 30 km weekly is good enough.

Last year I resolved to start a body weight workout routine in June... and throughout the entire year I never did a single pushup. I completely flubbed this one. 

In my defense, I did have a net positive in terms of physical health. I lost about 30 pounds. I don't know what my weight was like at its worst, because there was a time when I was afraid to step on the scale, but I lost 30 pounds from my highest recorded weight. So I probably lost more than 30, but I gained a bit back this winter, so let's just call it 30.

I'm down two shirt sizes and I'm wearing pants that are 6 inches smaller at the waist. Granted, I think I was buying pants that were overly large in anticipation of weight gain, so I don't think I was ever as large as my largest pair of pants. But it's nice to be anticipating weight loss instead of gain.

I don't really know how I lost the weight. I don't think I walked it all off, I still haven't met my pre-pandemic walking average, and I was heavier then. My family has a weird pattern of struggling with obesity and then recovering from it without really knowing why. My biggest lifestyle change was moving in with Lee-Anne. I think my ADHD factored into my weight gain. I'd get distracted thinking about other things and forget to eat until evening, at which point I could ONLY think about eating, and then I'd binge, usually on convenience food that I didn't enjoy but which was easy to access.

Having Lee-Anne around, saying things like "Have you had breakfast?" and "What are we having for dinner?" has just been a consistent reminder to do the basic things that keep a human body functioning. I think the idea of obesity being for gluttonous food enthusiasts stopped me from figuring out the issue sooner. I kept trying to suppress an appetite that wasn't there, because my problem wasn't a love of food, it was an ambivalence to it. Ironically, doing my food blog, exploring new recipes to encourage a love of food has kept the weight off.

 Plus, the term "big guy" used for tall, broad-shouldered individuals such as myself slowly phasing from a compliment to an insult, being used for both tough and fat people alike, has played an interesting role in my psychology surrounding weight, which I could probably do an entire post on.

I won't dodge around the fact that I failed the exercise goal though. Maybe I put the start date too far in the future. This time, I'll resolve to develop a twice-weekly workout routine in January and implement it in February. Lee-Anne says she'll make a joint resolution on this, so maybe that will help.

Last year I resolved to have one meat-free day per week by the end of the year. Didn't manage this one. We did it a handful of times but it didn't turn into a routine.

Of all my goals, I sort of have the least confidence in my ability to accomplish this one. I frequently commit to eating less meat, and I regularly  fail. This one, along with the exercise routine, seems easy when resolving it, but tends to be more difficult than anticipated. Oh well, I'll resolve to do it anyway.

Last year I resolved to read six non-work related books. I missed this by a HAIR. I was on my last book and I was primed to squeak out a success, but on December 27, I learned of the unexpected and untimely death of someone I used to serve, which happened under tragic circumstance, and which I was... kind of connected to. I know that's a cryptic way of putting it, but I don't think it would be right to further elaborate here. Anyway, the book I was reading was about death, and this news just totally took away my motivation to read about it.

I'll resolve to read another six books in 2022. That seemed about right. And I'll review each one.

My final resolution for 2021 was to update my dream journal more. I got kind of halfway with this. I do have a collection of dreams, and have been keeping a journal next to my bed, but I updated pretty irregularly and I don't think it increased the frequency of me remembering my dreams. I think it's because on weekdays I usually hit the snooze button twice before getting up. When I first wake up, I remember my dream, but after snoozing, I forget it and usually don't get a second. The right resolution here would be to stop hitting the snooze button, but that sounds painful.

I want to add a resolution. Right now I've got seven blank canvasses. I want to put a painting on each one before the end of 2022.

So my final list of resolutions are:

• Make 55 total blog posts (between this one and my satellite blogs)
• Walk 30 km average, weekly
• Start twice-weekly body weight workout routine
• Have one meat-free day per week
• Read six non-work related books and post reviews to my blog for each
• Update my dream journal and be less reliant on the snooze button
• Do seven paintings (use up my canvasses)

So the changes here are that my blog count goal has gone from 40 in 2020 to 50 in 2021 to 55 in 2022. In 2020 I achieved 53, in 2021 54, and so I just need to increase by one to achieve this goal.

I've moved my walking resolution from 25 km average weekly to 30, so an increase of 5 km weekly. I broke 30 last year, but I think moving up the baseline expectation is fine for now. If I achieve my goal, I'll increase it for 2023.

I'm committing to post reviews for each of the books I read.

I'm adding an attempt to be less reliant on the snooze button for my dream journal goal.

I'm adding a resolution to do seven paintings.

Of my 2021 resolutions, I succeeded in my blog goal and walking goal. I failed the workout and meatless day goals. I essentially succeeded in my reading goal and only failed due to unexpected circumstance. I was pretty borderline with the dream journal goal, which was vague anyway.

So I'll say I was about 50% successful overall. I don't really mind failing my resolutions. I may have said I would read six books and didn't quite make it, but if I hadn't resolved to do it, I wouldn't have read the five I did. It was a big improvement from recent years when I haven't read at all. I may not have written down as many dreams as I would have liked, but if I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have learned the snooze button thing. I may have failed to commit to a meatless day, but I experimented more with vegetarian recipes. So each resolution still improved me, even where I didn't meet my goal (except for the workout one, which I had no progress with whatsoever)