Goodbye Spice Rack

After the completion of this blog post, I will be saying goodbye to an old culinary companion: my college spice rack

 

When I was in college, a friend of mine asked for some help carrying things out of her sister's house who was moving. As is always the case, people accumulate way more than they realize, and the act of needing to lug everything to a new location brings to light how much a person doesn't need. So she was in the process of reprioritizing her needs, and one of the things she decided to cut loose was her spice rack.

When she offered it to me, a buddy of mine who was also helping, burst out laughing. From his perspect, apparently my eyes lit up and I fell to my knees, laying my hands at the sides of the rack. I was mesmerized by it.

I don't remember it quite being like that, but I can believe it. As I gazed at those bottles, a whole new world of spice was opening up to me.

For context, by the time I got to college, despite having done Katimavik and having had food prep responsibilities during my rounds as House Manager, I still didn't have many life skills. Back then, my most reliable skill was bread baking, likely because baking generally comes with more guidance than cooking does. I would also always have someone helping me, even if they were similarly inexperienced.

During my college stint, I wasn't beholden to a schedule, |I was relieved of the pressure of providing for a household, and had to balance health and finances with the school workload. It wasn't a conducive environment to best utilize my culinary skills.

But I was trying. I had reverse-engineered the college cafeteria stirfries, eventually swapped out the noodles for rice when I found that was cheaper, and eventually started cracking eggs into it, making it a sort of fried rice. My newfound ability to make large batches of relatively healthy, cheap, and not-disgusting homemade food established me as the house chef among my similarly-inexperienced roommates. I could make fried rice and homemade bread, I was king.

But I still had no access point to the mysterious world of spices. When I laid eyes on this spice rack, a whole new reality opened up before me.

The two spices that were most unfamiliar to me at the time were tarragon and coriander. I would go out of my way to find both of these, because even though I didn't know how to use them and I had a limited budget, the investment was worth it to complete my collection.

We would do stupid things with spices. One of the most easiest and most affordable foods as students was frozen prierogies. You could get them for $2 per kilogram. This was amazing at the time, and if you can believe it, during the present-day crazy grocery inflation, those prices remain true at the time of this posting!

Anyway, we would fry up some prierogies and mindlessly experiment by throwing spices on them. We would have spice competitions with prierogies as the canvas.

When I moved the first time, the entire rack made it to the new location intact. But as someone who was helping us carried it to the new kitchen counter, one of the bottles fell out. I was upstairs and heard a crash. When I asked what broke, the person simply said "spice". Jokingly, I said "It better not be tarragon" because that was the one I felt most useless as well as costly. It was tarragon.

In the second move, corriander was lost. Somehow, the two spices I found most unfamiliar were the ones that didn't make it all the way.

Despite the fact that they were my least utilized, I still complained incessantly about it. I think this isn't even my first blog post about it. My family would make fun of me, but when I showed them the jars with their personalized, engraved leaves, they understood. My grandparents tried to offer advice on rebottling, but it proved impossible. As a consolation, they gave me some of their spice bottles, which I still have and have no plans of losing.

I would move only once more. Initially the tradition of losing a piece of the rack per move would not be repeated. However, it now appears that this move will be the end of it in its entirety.

You see, I have become far more versed in the world of spice than I had been when I first met my spice rack. It was becoming apparent that my new needs exceeded the limits of what it could offer. Even coriander was not a stranger to me, although I could only ever find like, one recipe for tarragon and I think I only made it once.

I would default to scrounging through shelves of bagged spices more often than I could turn to the support of my rack. Through lifestyle changes, being responsible for regular cooking for my then-girlfriend now wife, and my increasing proficiency due in part to my food blog, I had evolved and had witness to this development. My increasing need for a more efficient system was reported to my now-mother-in-law, and one Christmas I was gifted with a more extensive rack.

From six spices to 24. Even at its hayday of eight spices, the old rack simply cannot compete. Also, the new one is from McCormick, a popular brand with glass bottles at every grocery. So if one breaks it can easily be replaced, and if there is a more desired spice, it can be swapped out. The versatility is immeasurably better.

And with limited kitchen space in our basement apartment, I was eventually confronted with the fact that the old rack is just too bulky for its utility. I'll miss the engraved leaves, the unique, irreplaceable nature of it, and the memories that it evokes of my rooky days as a home cook. But sentimentality alone does not justify its continued existed on our now-crowded kitchen counter.

So farewell, old spice rack. You guided me to the world of spice, inspired me to experiment and research. You fulfilled your purpose in bringing me to this point, and I won't soon forget you. 

Watcher Entertainment

Before I begin today's topic, I want to briefly mention that Lee-Anne is safe at home after 19 days in the hospital. I won't go into it much more, as I don't intend for this to be the type of thing where I share every intimate detail on the blog. But since I let you all know what was happening, I thought I should at least mention that we got to the other side of it safely.

Anyway, let's get into today's discussion.

Probably my biggest guilty pleasure is Youtube. I don't do much in the way of social media, I've always been hesitant to engage with new technologies. I didn't have a cell phone until I went to college at the age of 22. When I got one it was a flip phone, archaic even then. The only platform I use for communication is Facebook, which got big while I was a teenager and is now known as the platform for old people. I scroll Reddit, but haven't posted anything there for years. I've got an Instagram I barely use. I briefly had an account on Twitter, which I believe has now been deleted for inactivity, and I don't use any of the doppelganger platforms like Threads. I've done two stints with Snapchat on request of others, but the app is now deleted. I've never been on Ticktock. I don't do Twitch, Discord, Tumblr or anything like that. My preferred way of communicating online is Blogger. 

The only predominant video platform I use is Youtube. While still successful, even it's developing a reputation as being for old people. This is due to the fact that it promotes long-form media instead of skits, and because it uses horizontal display. This makes it better for laptops and desktops, as opposed to Ticktock's vertical display, which is better for smart phones.

But Youtube has been keeping relevant. It has short-form vertical display options called Shorts, and its algorhythms have become sophisticated enough to curate individualized pages that maximize engagement.

I'm a big critic of algorhythms. I don't think they have the best interests of their consumers in mind, and I think that a big part of the polarization we're seeing in society today is due to being immersed with content designed specifically for ourselves. It's been proven, for example, that Youtube doesn't just push stuff that it thinks you'll enjoy. It also does it for things that you will hate. This is because people are perverse and will give attention to things that shock and horrify. This often leads to suggestions of people that you will resonate with, as well as poor representations of people on the other side of the issues you care about. This reinforces personal bias and leads to the opinion that everyone that disagrees with you is crazy.

This isn't a new phenomenon. When I was a kid, my mom told me that "the news" should be called "bad news" because it wasn't an accurate representation of the experience of life. It just covers the worst elements of it. 

What is new is the level of sophistication that media companies have in their ability to target people. Back in the day, we had a term called "click bait". This was when an article or video would present itself as something it wasn't, because even though they knew it wouldn't satisfy the consumer, it would cause them to click on it, which was the metric for which companies determined success. Nowadays, that isn't even necessary. With autoplay, the "click" is determined by how long you look at it, and this impacts what the algorhythm will offer you. It's "observe bait".

As bad as that is, there are reasons that I often prefer Youtube over traditional media. For example, despite being much larger in scale than it used to be, the people developing content are still relatively small and feel more down to Earth.

The other day, I asked myself, "If the algorhythm were to disappear, which channels would I still watch?" I pondered that, and decided on a handful of channels that I might visit if I needed a quick dopamine hit, but ultimately wouldn't follow or bother to keep up with. I found there were only two channels that I look forward to and keep their upload schedule in mind.

The first one is NFKRZ, which is hosted by a displaced Russian immigrant who escaped his home country at the dawning of the war with Ukraine. This is a small-scale production that mostly consists of him talking to a camera. He does his own editing and other than his girlfriend occasionally filming when they're outside, he doesn't have any real help. I don't have any special passion for Russian politics or culture, but this is just an introspective and humble guy navigating a complicated life journey.

The other channel that I specifically go out of my way for is Watcher Entertainment, and while it's taken me a bit to get here, it's this one that I want to talk about. I usually don't bother talking about drama in popular media, but as I've just established, it's one of my two favourite channels, so I feel a certain investment.

Unlike NFKRZ, Watcher is larger in scale, more polished, with dedicated series', and more similar overall to traditional television. It's a company started by three personalities that got their start on Buzzfeed: Ryan Bergara, Shane Medej, and Steven Lim.

If you don't know Buzzfeed, they're probably the most notorious example of a media company that used clickbait tactics. On their Youtube channel, they hired a massive number of creatives that all competed to establish themselves. Eventually, most of the more successful ones felt they could stand on their own feet and set out on their own. This included the three founders of Watcher.

While on Buzzfeed, Ryan and Shane were known for their Unsolved series. This involved the two of them going to locations known to be haunted and trying to collect evidence of ghosts. If you've seen most ghost hunting shows, you'll understand that they are usually obviously faked. However, the thing that distinguished this particular show was that Shane was a skeptic. He didn't believe in ghosts and nothing throughout the series run would sway him. Also, the content and evidence was far more understated and subtle, giving enough to titilate the believers while allowing enough room for skeptics to maintain their disbelief.

This means that many episodes would be them poking around a dusty abandoned building, only catching a few bumps in the night that would leave even the believers unimpressed. During these shoots, the two guys would goof around with each other, as they put it "Substituting giggles for ghouls".

Fans that sided with Shane identified themselves as "Shaniacs" and those on Ryan's end were called "Boogaras". People that didn't identify one way or the other were invited to refer to themselves as "Shitfish". They tried to reel that one back a few times but the phrase stuck, with many people proud to call themselves Shitfish.

I'm a Boogara by the way. Originally that was the norm, but as Shane's presence continued to distinguish the series, it eventually kind of became the ghost show for skeptics.

Ryan offered the series a sense of grandeur, while Shane offered a sense of legitimacy with his scroutiny. Because the show was as understated as it was, when they did come across something legitimately spooky, it felt much more impactful. This was because they'd developed a sense of trust that other ghost shows just didn't have.

Kind of a wholesome aspect of the series was that, even though they avidly disagreed with each other and did a lot of mutual teasing, they still obviously respected and liked each other. It felt like they were modeling how people can disagree while still being friends

They also had a True Crime series that they backed away from due to the sensitive nature of some of the cases.

Steven's Buzzfeed series was called Worth It, which he co-hosted with a man named Andrew. In it, they would try three meals at drastically different price points and at the end decide what they thought was the most worth it at its given price. So generally there would be a fast casual place, a sit down restaurant, and a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

It wasn't really a food critic show though, in that they never gave a bad review. Each location was vetted and they never went anywhere if there was a chance they wouldn't like it. It was just a feel good show about appreciating food and vicariously experiencing lifestyles that you wouldn't normally have access to, whether that be because of location or finances.

So these three guys split away from Buzzfeed and start their own channel, Watcher Entertainment. They all started as CEOs, but after Ryan and Shane's projects proved more successful, they took the helm as the lead entertainment while Steven adopted the position of sole CEO and did more behind the scenes work.

Steven's comparable lack of success was unsurprising to me. Probably more important than the premise of their respective series' was the dynamic they had with their co-hosts, and while Ryan and Shane had each other, Steven didn't have Andrew.

New shows that they saw have success: 

• Puppet History, a gameshow-inspired series based on history. Spearheaded by Shane, co-hosted by Ryan. Spiritual successor of Shane's short-lived solo project Ruining History
• Ghost Files, a spiritual successor to Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural, in which Ryan and Shane explore allegedly haunted locations in search of evidence of ghosts
• Mystery Files, a spiritual successor to Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime, where they dialed back the aspect of crime in favour of generally mysterious phenomenon
• Dish Granted, the only show Steven managed to get a little traction, where he tries to make the best and most expensive version of a dish requested by a guest in under 24 hours
• Top 5 Beatdown, where Ryan, Shane, and a guest list their top 5 choices of a given topic.
•  Are You Scared, in which Ryan reads spooky stories to try and get the better of his stoic friend Shane. 
• Too Many Spirits, where Ryan and Shane get drunk and read scary stories sent in by fans.
• Survival Mode, where Ryan and Shane play horror video games

They also have a couple of podcasts of moderate success and a number of discontinued series'.

My personal favourite was Social Distancing D&D. It happened during the pandemic, and was just the three of them and one of their behind the scenes employees playing Dungeons and Dragons over Zoom during the pandemic.

Over the course of four years, they managed to climb to three million subscribers, which is pretty successful. Recently, they announced that something big was coming, and set a timer for when they would go public with it.  Very much framed as something to get excited about.

So the timer runs down and a video titled "Goodbye Youtube" is released. It starts off with a reflection from each of them about their respective careers, played over soft piano music. Eventually, they anounce their next move as a company.

They're moving all their content onto an independent streaming platform. Members to be charged $5.99 a month, or $59.99 a year.

This is insane. They expect a monthly subscription for access to content that had previously been free. To reiterate, they are in my top two channels that I enjoy. I can afford $6 a month, and I never even considered subscribing.

I'm not alone, the fanbase has been united in disdain and confusion over the decision. Their dislike to like ratio on the announcement is about 80/20. As of this posting 70,000 people have unsubscribed. All the reaction Youtubers are covering the story.

The reason they cite for their decision is that as they are, they are beholden to advertisers. They would like to move somewhere they can cater only to fans. They say that they want to increase production value, that it's always been their goal to be a TV show, and that TV isn't suited for Youtube.

They did announce the spiritual successor of the Worth It series, called Travel Season. It is to air on their streaming service, complete with former co-host Andrew and cameraman Adam. They said that they will continue to release trailers and season premiers on their Youtube channel, but that all other content will be held exclusively on the streaming service.

It appears that there is a disparity between what they want to do and what their fans want from them. Almost all of their most successful shows have been based around Ryan and Shane hanging out and chatting. Their main draw is the parasocial relationship they offer, not their production value.

A parasocial relationship is when fans feel more closely connected to a public figure than they actually are. This isn't a new phenomenon. Way back when the show Cheers was airing, people tuned in to watch people interact in the place "where everyone knows your name".

There is a term called a "Third Place". It means somewhere that you go to relax that isn't home or work. Because of everything being monetized and the rise of home entertainment among other factors, these places are becoming more and more scarce. People tuned in to watch Cheers to feel like they were a part of that Third Place.

This is the case for Ryan and Shane, and of Steven and Andrew. We live in what is known as a "loneliness epidemic" which is impacting men especially hard. I'm not exempt. When I watched two guys with similar values banter, it was like I was vicariously experiencing part of the friendship. Remember when I said that part of the appeal of Youtube over traditional media was the low scale? That worked for them. Saying they need higher production to give the fans what they want is crazy.

As far as finances go, it's been pointed out that they've been fumbling pretty hard. They have 25 staff, which is apparently way higher than they need, they moved to an office in LA, and in general they've been spending exhorbitant amounts on set designs and other things that no one asked for or wanted. 

Despite that, their financial situation should be sound. You see, this isn't the first time they've put their content behind a paywall. They have something called a Patreon, which hosts exclusive content for paid membership. They have been relatively successful with this while still releasing free videos to Youtube. Now, the people that are already paying between $5-$25 for a Patreon subscription are only getting a 40% discount on the streaming platform. They also have a successful merch store and live shows in addition to their numerous ads and sponsors. It can be easy to forget how big these channels can be behind the scenes.

They said they set the membership fee at $6 because they wanted "Anyone and everyone to be able to afford it". First off, that is verifiably untrue. We are in a global recession and many people are living paycheque to paycheque. Some people are unhoused, but in our modern society where everyone has a cell phone and most have access to public WiFi, they'd have been able to access the free content but likely not the stuff behind a paywall.

But even for people that can afford it, why would they pay a monthly subscription fee for access to one Youtube channel? In our present climate, most people are paying multiple subscription fees already. They've placed themselves in direct competition with Netflix, Disney Plus, Amazon Prime etc.

But do you know what those places have that Watcher doesn't? A catalogue of classic films and shows spanning across decades, as well as original, exclusive content made by their platform. Watcher has four years of content, made by one team, with new releases once or twice a week.

I've seen other Youtubers show what the new Watcher streaming platform looks like, and it looks good. Like, weirdly good. It looks comparable to Netflix.

But the fact that it looks that good begins to feel a little creepy. Like, if you went onto Netflix and every show was done by the same three people, that would be weird right? If you clicked on your TV and it was the same three people on every channel that would just be... weird.

And how do they expect to grow the fan base? Usually, you attract attention to yourself on recomendation of a friend, or because an algorhythm suggested it, or because you saw it in a catalogue in proximity to other things you're interested in. No one is going to accidentally find them behind a paywall. I guess they're relying on word of mouth from the small fraction of people willing to pay for it, and otherwise just through trailers and season premiers on Youtube? I don't think it's doable.

They should have tried to just get a show on Netflix or some alternate streaming service with an established catalogue. And if they couldn't swing that, that should have informed them of their chances of making it as an independent streaming service.

Most of the backlash has been directed at Steven. I find this unsurprising, since he's the CEO so he'll be perceived as the one with the most decision making power. Also, Ryan and Shane's positions as faces of the organization have them primed to be sympathetic.

I can understand using Travel Season as bait to pull in an audience. All of the previous legacy shows proved wildly succesful when given their spiritual sequals on Watcher, and Worth It was like 50% of their legacy on Buzzfeed. As I mentioned before, the missing component was Andrew, but now they've got him, so it seems natural.

But it's been pointed out that it's a little offputting to ask for money from their audience, and then use that same money on intentionally overpriced meals. It was more palatable when Steven was just a guy who was sent to fancy restaurants by a faceless media corporation, getting his mind blown by food that he wouldn't normally be able to afford. But now he's the CEO of his own company and he's taking money from the poor to feed himself. It's a different vibe, you know?

Anyway, wow, I talked a while. Believe it or not I could keep going. We'll see if they wind up backtracking or if they push forward. I think all they can do is damage control at this point, but after they slandered their ads and sponsors, I don't know if that revenue stream will be as viable. I'm sure they've lost a good chunk of subscribers permanently already. Totally boneheaded move on their behalf

Total Solar Eclipse 2024

Yesterday we experienced a total solar eclipse. Apparently we get a couple every year, but they're usually situated over the poles, or they land largely on the ocean. This one spanned over a huge portion of North America, covering parts of Mexico, the US, and Canada. This included Kitchener, the city that I reside.

The word "total" got attached to this particular eclipse to emphasize its magnitude. Technically this word is a bit overdramatic, in that there were people traveling to see it. If it were actually total, it would have covered the globe. In fact, even we didn't experience a "total solar eclipse". Our time "at totality" covered about 90% of the sun. The closest place geographically to get the full version was Niagara Falls.

One of the more eerie aspects of this phenomenon is that it's only possible because the moon and sun are positioned the exact space necessary from Earth that they appear to be the same size. The difference in scale between the Earth, moon, and sun, and respective distance they are from each other is literally astronomical. This fact seems functionless, and the specificity of this aesthetic choice feels like a creative decision. It evokes a feeling of divine intentionality. 

The eclipse was treated very seriously by our local schoolboard. Initially, it was announced that schools would be open, but less than a week before the event, someone got cold feet and canceled the day.

I kind of get it. It happened at the most inconvenient time for us too. Our members typically leave between 3:00 and 3:30. The eclipse was supposed to start at about 2:45 and reach totality at about 3:15. So the perfect time to guarantee that all our members would be outside.

This is a problem because staring into an eclipse is dangerous. My initial understanding of this was that, it's not because the eclipse sends more damaging rays, it's just more tempting to look at based on novelty. Also, we're so used to avoiding the sun based on the pain of its brightness that without that sensation, people lower their guard. 

This was kind of true, but there is an additional element. When we look at the sun, our eyes contract as a natural protective instinct. During an eclipse, our eyes don't recognize the danger so they don't use this defense mechanism, thus making them more vulnerable to damage. So if there's even a little bit of direct eye contact with the sun, it will cause more damage than usual.

Our members have a variety of capacity when it comes to heeding advice about safety. Knowing that there would likely be a large number of them outside during the event, my boss made the precautionary move of ordering eclipse glasses.

My understanding of these was that they were an additional layer of protection, but that it was advisable to not stare directly at the sun. I was at a community centre earlier in the day it happened, and people were annoying me, saying they bought special glasses to look at the eclipse.

They turned out to be right though. The glasses expressly state that they are meant for sungazing during an eclipse, which it claimed could be safely done for up to three minutes. My coworkers were stating their intention of doing so, but I said that I would abstain from this behaviour. I have a legally blind wife and don't want to lose my status as the sighted partner. My optometrist, who is also my Father-in-Law, gave me 20/20 vision at my last appointment and I don't want to lose that.

Potentially the eclipse could be a great business opportunity for him.

Anyway, I tried the glasses on. It was just a big black bar over my eyes. I guess they're just super heavy duty sunglasses. I stared directly into a lightbulb and saw a little illumination.

All day leading up to the eclipse, it had been really cloudy. Miraculously, just before it happened, the sky opened up to give us full exposure.

Despite staying open, most of our members had opted to stay home, or go home early. We only had a few very sensible people with good survival instincts, which was a relief.

As everyone went out to sungaze, I initially held back. But when I saw strong positive reactions, I buckled and decided to take a peak through the eclipse glasses.

It was amazing! As the moon passed over, it turned into a perfect crescent sun! It was a flat shape without any glow. It really goes to show how bright the sun actually is, if I could barely see a lightbulb inches from my face with the glasses on, but I could see clearly a glowing orange fingernail during the eclipse.

I took some photos. I took some regular ones, and some with the camera lens pointed through the glasses. They don't look anything like what I saw with my eyes though.

Me, forgetting that my camera was in selfie mode

Direct shot of the eclipse

Through the eclipse glasses

Somehow, someone got a good shot of the crescent sun. Maybe my camera is just bad.

There were sun gazers coming out from surrounding houses and buildings. I'm not confident that everyone showed enough restraint to limit themselves to three minutes of exposure.

I thought it would get way darker than it did. I thought it would be like night during the daytime. Only at near totality did it drop to a dusky vibe. It got dark enough to trigger automatic lights. And it got colder! I didn't even think of that!

Overall, it was way more awesome than I thought it would be, but I didn't think I'd have the courage to engage with it. I only stole glances through the eclipse glasses though. Nowhere near the allowable three minutes.

I read a book called Staring at the Sun. It's about mortality. The metaphor is that death is something that is around us constantly and informs the way we live, but to look directly at it is painful. This is similar to how the sun illuminates the Earth, and we're aware of it but fear looking at it directly. The author makes it explicitly clear that while staring at death and acknowledging it is healthy if painful, he would never recommend staring at the literal sun.

Well, with eclipse glasses we can stare at the literal sun too.

Giant Food

Lee-Anne's doing okay. Me and her parents visited after she had the electrodes implanted under her skull. She was a little groggy from being put under and the anaesthesiologist said that she likely wouldn't remember her first interactions after coming to, but we visited her again the next day and she said she remembered us being there.

On her request, I'm going to cover a topic that she's wanted me to write about, but I've struggled with finding a way to express in an engaging way.

One thing about me that surpises people, and something I don't often think about, is that I've never been to Costco. It doesn't seem like a big deal to me. As far as I'm aware it's just a bulk shopping centre. But for some people the Costco experience is something distinct. I'm told that it's chaotic, and I've heard from otherwise withdrawn people that they "get a little intense" when they go shopping there. 

My mother-in-law brought me there as a belated Christmas present. Going in, what I knew about Costco was that its gimmick is that you can buy things in large quantities. It's got a little restaurant area with suspiciously cheap hotdogs and enough people handing out free samples that you can fill up on them. Apparently they pay their employees decently and their brand, Kirkland, has a policy that none of its products can be released without meeting or surpassing the quality of its highest performing competitor. I don't know how they determine quality, but I can at least confirm that Kirkland brand toilet paper is really nice. A corner store near where I used to live sold it.

Going there, it was basically a warehouse that you could buy things from. Maybe that's part of the appeal for people that haven't worked factories. There were a few places that were overseen by employees, including some electronics and a jeweller. We could have gotten our wedding rings from Costco.

They had some pre-made cauliflower crust pizza shells that we've been gifted by others but haven't been able to find anywhere else. Weirdly, we weren't able to find ground or whole bean coffee. Only K-cups.

Being able to bulk shop at Costco is handy, as grocery prices in Ontario have been insane lately. I've got a full-time job that requires a post-secondary education, I live in a dual income household without children in an apartment with comparably affordable rent, and food prices are still scaring me. Higher end grocery stores like Sobeys and Zehrs seem completely inaccessible now.

My mother-in-law is a creature of habit and comes from an optometrist's household. She traditionally shopped at Sobeys, but has has converted to Wal Mart due to inflation. If they lost her, I have no idea who those stores are targeting.

And yet... should you adventure far enough into a Sobeys you'll find a gigantic sandwich for only $15! It's big enough that me and Lee-Anne can have it for dinner and have enough leftovers for another meal. I thought it would be a lot of bread and lettuce, but they don't skimp on the meat at all. Overall it's weirdly high quality. I don't know what's happening here, it must be a loss lead to just get people into the store.

Apple for scale.

We've had three of these giant sandwiches so far, one in each of the options they provide: classic, donair, and Cubano. 

The donair was good because the meat has the same spices as shawarma, just topped with a sweet sauce. I really want to like the Halifax donair, because then I could claim it as a part of my Canadian identity. But while it's good enough to be in the same conversation as other Mediterranean/Middle Eastern inspired foods, I still prefer classic shawarma, shish tawook, and falaffel. Better than Kofta though. In this iteration, having something that is typically in a pita on a sub roll felt like a weird choice, though.

I like the cubano best. The meat is less processed than the classic sub and the pickle gives a nice crunch.

If you go in further you will find they have an even more ludicrously huge bags of chips. I don't think you could get them at that size at Costco.

Giant sandwich for scale.

Another thing we found at Sobeys were these little Wintergreen flavoured tablets. I really like the taste of Pepto Bismal, the stomach relief medicine. Apparently this is divisive, with some people hating it and others loving it. I've tried a few things that people said taste similar, like strawberry milk, but it's just not the same. I'd long thought that the unique flavour I crave must have something to do with its medicinal quality. But someone mentioned that the flavour is simply something called "Wintergreen". Trying it, it really does taste the same!

Now I can eat so many candies that I upset my stomache, then relieve the pain with Pepto Bismal! Full circle wintergreen

Purple Shirt Day

Today is Epilepsy Awareness Day, otherwise known as Purple Shirt Day. Often, groups of people with issues they want to promote will dedicate a day featuring a special garment. This is commonly in the form of a shirt. Indigenous rights are orange, autism is blue, anti-bullying is pink. Breast cancer is also pink, technically a pink ribbon. Just this month we had World Down Syndrome Day, symbolised by mismatched socks. Men grow mustaches for prostate cancer. St. Patrick's Day is green, although that is more of a party than anything. Considering the history of the Irish, it might have had a more somber motivation at some point. I don't know, I'm not looking it up.

Anyway, epilepsy's colour is purple.

I don't think I've mentioned it on this blog, but Lee-Anne has epilepsy. She gave me specific permission to talk about it for this post.

So I'm invested in Purple Shirt Day. I thought I didn't own anything purple, but when I announced the day at work and lamented this fact, several people mentioned that I did. This seemed likely, as fashion is not a passion of mine and others often have a better awareness of my wardrobe than I do. 

I scoured my home, and the next day wore my purplest colours. The people at work told me that while I could pass, my clothes were more burgandy. Since then, I've considered having burgandy as my favourite colour. Believe it or not, presently it's purple.

I decided to go to Wal Mart. Clothes shopping can be kind of difficult for a guy my size. Not so much finding clothes that fit, but finding variety. Clothes developers tend to think big guys just wear plaid button-ups or solid T-shirts. To be fair, this is pretty much my comfort zone.

Wal Mart reliably has T-shirts in a spetrum of sizes and colours. But when I went, I couldn't find one in purple. So, big guys tend to wear solid white, grey, and black T-shirts.

It took me a day to conjur a memory from my childhood. I remembered an activity that would allow me some autonomy in colour choice despite a limited market. Tie-dye!

So I went back to Wal Mart and they didn't have a Tie-dye kit either. In the end, I found one at Michaels (targeted arts and crafts store). While I was there, I was sketched out by the lightness of the dye box. Despite promises that it contained bottles, dyes, gloves and rubber bands, it felt empty. So on a whim I bought a bottle of regular purple dye as well.

The tie-dye kit delivered on its promise but in the end I opted for the regular dye. As per the instructions, we stirred it in hot water, rinsed it until it ran clear, put it through the washing machine and dryer

Going into the wash, it was an eggplant purple. Coming out, it was splotchy and uneven. After drying, it's a pretty uniform lilac. Definitely not burgandy though.

Anyway, the reason that I've been so adament on having something purple to wear is because today, on Epilepsy Awareness Day, Lee-Anne is having an intra-cranial observation done. As I write this, she is undergoing surgery to have electrodes put on the inside of her skull. This is so they can pinpoint the location of the seizures. If they get the right data, we may be able to make an effort to cure her epilepsy entirely.

She will have to be in the hospital for two to three weeks, and she will need to have several gran mal seizures while there (those are the bigger ones, the ones you likely picture when you think about seizures). It won't be fun.

We've been through something similar once before. She had to do an initial observation where they put probes on the outside of her skull. This also took a few weeks. We watched most of Orange is the New Black over video chat during this time. They found enough information to qualify her for this further, more invasive observation, which may in turn qualify her for full treatment.

Aside from Purple Shirt Day, last Sunday was Palm Sunday. I'm not a religious guy, but the literary symbolism seems to mean... something. She'll also be in for Easter and April Fools. Today is also the day after the full moon. I dunno, seems like a bunch of significant stuf orbiting around this day.

Anyway, no promises that I will talk much on the details of this going forward. These are sort of special circumstances, but usually it's kind of a personal topic.

Anyway, happy Purple Shirt Day!

Akira Toriyama Passed

This week it was anounced that renowned mangaka (Japanese comicbook writer) Akira Toriyama passed away. It shocked the world as there weren't any signs that he was in ill health, and at the age of 68 he was still active in several projects.

Toriyama's influence was such that I've seen articles on his death at the top of Reddit's News and Worldnews forums. It's big enough that my grandmother heard about it, remembered that me and my brother used to be into his work, and emailed us her condolences. I keep seeing other successful artists in the industry releasing letters on how he impacted them.

Toriyama achieved success with his series Dr. Slump, of which I've never read a chapter, and rose to legendary status with his later series, Dragon Ball. More specifically, it wasn't until the beginning of the latter half of that series, which he termed Dragon Ball Z, that he would develop his legacy.

After all his fans had grown and he was old enough to retire, he started another series, Dragon Ball Super, made out of spite directed at a terrible live action adaptation that he didn't want to be the final entry. This was one of the projects he was continuing to work on at the time of his passing.

For many people, Dragon Ball Z was their entry into anime and manga. I remember watching it in the Saturday night cartoon lineup on YTV (Canadian channel, stands for Youth Television). At the time, we didn't even perceive it as an anime, it was just a cartoon.

Even as an elementary school child, it was easy to see that Dragon Ball Z was not a refined work. It had plenty of inconsistencies and traits that were easy to make fun of. It was a series about martial artists and the fights often felt like flexing competitions. Power ups were indicated by changing hair colour.

I spoke on The Lord of the Rings in my review blog, and how modern day fantasy has carried forward both good and bad habits from it. The same can be said of Dragon Ball Z. With the concept of power levels and ki, it popularized the idea of a quantifiable internal energy that grants power and can be increased with hard work. The next three most popular mangas all had iterations of this, with chakra in Naruto, reiatsu in Bleach, and haki in One Piece (come at me One Piece fans, haki's not an exception).

It's funny, because of all the series' I listed, Dragon Ball took its power system the least seriously. It wasn't introduced until halfway through the series, and in the first fight that it was used, the guy with the massively higher power level lost. On entering Earth, Vegeta tells Nappa that Earthlings have a fluctuating power level, and that overreliance on calculating it is pointless. The good guys learn to conceal their ki, and after the Frieza saga, it's stated that scouters aren't capable of calculating the new baseline power level. It was only relevent for like, two story arcs.

But it was the system in place when it gained global popularity, and the reason why me and my friends would scream "I'm only using 5% of my power!" while roughhousing.

Another unfortunate habit in Dragon Ball was its misuse of side characters. In the original series, Goku grows in strength alongside rivals of similar ability, such as Yamcha and Krillin, has to transcend his mentor and presiding strongest martial artists, Master Roshi, and needs to defeat, and often later befriend, villains such as Tien, Taopaipai, and Piccolo. 

After Z established that Goku's unnatural strength comes from being from an alien race called the Saiyans, giving him access to the form of a Super Saiyan, none of the previously established side characters quite manage to bridge the power gap, try as they might. One of the saddest things about being a Dragon Ball fan is watching your favourite characters slowly lose relevance and then give up. Explicitly because of their humanity. How am I supposed to relate to a character whose strength is derived from alien lineage?

The series also felt like the stakes got lower and lower over time. The Dragon Balls, which the series are named after, are seven magical orbs that, when collected can grant a wish once per year. It's hard to feel tension when you can just wish away any damage after the fact. The Earth blew up? No worries, just wish it back (this actually happened). 

Their version of heaven, Otherworld, is so explicitly shown that it makes the characters feel displaced instead of dead. Also, Fortune Teller Baba's ability to revive people for a day, and Senzu Beans that instantly heal stamina and injuries. There are just too many tools that deplete lasting consequences.

But Toriyama notoriously never took his work seriously. The Saiyans are all named after vegetables. The lead family of scientists are named after types of underwear. The Gods of Destruction are types of alcoholic beverages. The antagonists of the Buu saga are named after a nursery rhyme. 

He changed the lead antagonists of the Cell Saga twice because of his editor's comments, and redesigned Cell twice for the same reasons. When a major supporting character from Dragon Ball didn't return for Z, on questioning he infamously said that he'd forgotten about her existence. He based the design of two powerful and influential characters on his cats. The reason Goku's hair turns blond when he transforms was to cut down on ink for the black and white manga.

This off-the-cuff, spontaneous, nonchalante writing style led to many inconsistencies that sometimes felt like the series was following a sort of dream logic. It tempted fans that took the series more seriously than he did to accuse him of not respecting his own work. But I think we have to reconcile ourselves with the fact that it was this lackadaisical attitude that not only caused the flaws within the series, but also its virtues.

After all, Toriyama never advocated for taking anything very seriously. While he became best known for writing tough warriors fighting grudge matches, the man was fundamentally a comedian. All of his previous works, including most of the original Dragon Ball series, were silly adventures. He got famous during the most tonally serious he'd ever been and seemed to feel an obligation to fans of that work, but it seems like he always wanted to brings things back to comedy.

This can be seen in the other project he was working on, Dragon Ball Daima (translates to Dragon Ball Magic), an alternate timeline where all the main characters revert to childhood. This series would have much sillier designs and a more cartoony artstyle. Super was for the fans, but Daima was going to be for himself. Unfortunately, he's passed before Daima was published. We can console ourselves with the fact that if it was his personal project, he lived to see its creation if not publication.

I'm not above the bitter fans though. His works beg to be refined because there's so much that seem almost right. When Super introduced the Tournament of Power, a sprawling battle royale with 80 contestants including fan favourites that hadn't shined in ages, I was pumped about the potential. The fact that Universe 7, home of our main characters, was considered relatively weak, with Goku losing before the tournament in a fight against someone who wasn't even the strongest in his respective universe, the scale seemed incredible. There would be characters capable of challenging our strongest heroes, as well as fighters weak enough to be realistic opponents for old fan favourites.

Unfortunately, despite the setup it lapsed into the pattern of Goku and Vegeta breezing through most of the opponents, taking most of the panel time, and only having one substantive new opponent. The intense aggravation this caused in me forced me to rewrite the entire tournament. I wanted to do it in a way that made each dimension feel like a relevant threat and gave space for weaker characters to contribute. I don't think Toriyama would resent this, he seemed to be of the opinion that his works were meant to be played with.

Another way the series has influenced me is that it helped me develop a motivational tool for my workout routine. It's cringey to admit, but I created a story for a character in that world, and everytime I work out I write an entry progressing his adventure.

The wide span of time that the three iterations of the series spanned in real time allowed me to bond with some of the kids at the group home I used to work at. We shared lamentations about Saiyan supremacy, and I teased them about their generation borrowing my generations' media.

Well, for whatever its worth, the Dragon Ball series had a large impact on my childhood, as well as for many other young boys. It introduced us to a medium that we didn't even perceive as existing, and it impacted the works of artists we would later follow.

Rest in Peace Toriyama. Complain as we might, you inspired us to play, write stories, and exercise. As adults, you gave us common ground with a younger generation. Even acknowledging its flaws, our lives were richer because of your work.

Thank you. It's been fun.

2023 Year in Review

Happy Leap Day! Otherwise known as Rare Disease Day, chosen to be on February 29th because it's a rare day. It has some significance to us because albinism is considered one of the conditions celebrated on this day, and Lee-Anne has albinism. This is our second Rare Disease Day together. It gives me a chance to get in my final 2023 reflective post before the end of February.

So what happened in 2023? 

I got married

On September 16, 2023, me and Lee-Anne got married. The theme was sunflowers, because they were in season and because I had a story about how, after years of effort, I finally managed to make a sunflower blossom at my old place, the year we started going out. 

It hadn't been planned, but on the day of the wedding I got a Facebook notification reminding me that September 16 was the day that first flower blossomed. The wedding itself happened to time itself so that most of the sunflowers at home were blossoming the day of our wedding, and it was the most successful year for them at our current home so far. You can't plan for that type of thing. It felt like the universe saying "You got it right".

The colour was purple, because it's my favourite colour while Lee-Anne's is yellow. The yellow got worked in through the sunflowers and the purple contrasted it.

It was held on her parents' property. We had about 75 people. It was an afternoon wedding. The weather was perfect but the ceremony was at high noon so I was still sweating bullets under the altar.

Some other things happened surrounding the wedding as well, such as getting our engagement photos done, and my coworkers threw us a wedding shower.

On a less positive note, the other major theme of the year was...

Lots of cats died

Top photo is Cassidy. My mother and brother adopted her when she was five, and tragically she passed only three years later. I may have said that she'd only lived with them a year when I announced her death initially. COVID brain messed with my sense of time.

When they first got her, she was incredibly shy. Over time, she became playful and affectionate. Unfortunately, she developed what was initially thought to be a resperatory infection but was later determined to be cancer.

Her death was sad in its own right, but it was an especially harsh blow for the family, as Cassidy was adopted partially to keep the two older cats, Blackavar and Thor company after the then-youngest cat Luna had died under similarly unpredictable circumstances. Both were young female grey tabbies, so it felt like history repeating itself.

By contrast, Thor was adopted when he was six and lived to be over 20. He wound up outliving Luna, Blackavar, and Cassidy despite being the eldest since his entry into the household. His death was peaceful, passing overnight sleeping next to my brother, his favourite human.

Otherwise, a cat that I'd supported someone to adopt around the same time I'd helped with the adoption Cassidy, had a stroke and had to be put down only couple months after Cassidy's passing. If the universe was telling me "You got it right" about the wedding, it felt like it was saying "You got it wrong" for helping people to adopt cats.

Also, my coworker's cat escaped and didn't return. I was pretty uninvolved with that. Still, tough year for cats. In fact, I think all four met their respective fates within a three month span.

It wasn't all death though. It just so happened that Lee-Anne's sister in law was trying to adopt out two kittens when Cassidy passed. This was already a known thing, and because all this happened so close to our wedding, all relevant parties would be in the same location at the same time. It was opportune enough that my mother and brother chose to go through with adopting them.

I was apprehensive to be involved with this because of the recent misfortunes of the two other cats I'd helped to be adopted. Also, they still had Thor who was 20, and the age difference seemed a bit extreme.

I told myself that while this was happening between people in my network, I myself was wholly uninvolved. And they wound up getting along okay with Thor

They named the little black kitten Castor and the tuxedo one Pollux, after a pair of twin gods in the Greek pantheon. I guess this is in keeping with the mythological god theming of Thor, although I think Thor is Norse mythology. They are genetically at least half-brothers to our cat, Finn.

Other things that happened this year...

I finally got COVID 

It's a long story, but one weekend I had cause to be in Brampton, then Toronto, then Guelph, then Kitchener. On the Monday I was feeling kind of crumby and called in sick. I didn't think to do a COVID test because almost everyone I know has had it and I'd never tested positive. In fact, I'd lived with Lee-Anne when she had it and I didn't contract it. My mother and brother never caught it either, so I figured there was some kind of genetic immunity in our family. 

But as it so happens, my brother was also feeling kind of sick. He took a test, it turned out positive. He let us know, I took one and it was also positive. Mom and Lee-Anne wound up catching it too. Me and my brother both developed symptoms at similar times, but I had more exposure from traveling between cities on public transit, so I think I was the one to introduce it to everyone. Oops.

I only felt bad for the first couple days but I wound up having to take a week off work because I kept testing positive.

I had my fifth work anniversary

They gave me a bouquet of flowers and a $75 Indigo gift card. I knew that everyone gets a speech made for them by their supervisor at the five year mark. I've always thought that hearing mine would be really cringey, and I used to joke that I would have to quit at four years and eleven months to avoid it. But after the rush from the wedding shower they'd thrown me, it slipped my mind that this was happening as well and I wound up getting surprised by the speech.

It was pretty good, to be honest. And now that I've survived it, I guess I'll have to work until my ten year anniversary, which is when I'd get my next one.

This happened in September. So now I have my birthday, anniversary, and work anniversary all in the same month. Just put it all in September!  

Take the Heat Off

One of the more surprising things that happened this year was that a fireman somehow got wise to my organization's crisis intervention training, of which I am one of the facilitators. He liked what he saw, and asked if we could create a unique workshop to help firefighters with de-escalation. So me and two others wound up developing a workshop and proceded to present it in small groups over a series of weeks to every firefighter in the city. We called the session Take the Heat Off.

Lee-Anne got her job with Come to Work at the CNIB

And finally, Lee-Anne got a full-time job this year with the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. She's with the Come to Work program, which is employment supports for people with vision impairments. She'd done an extended paid internship with this organization on a different team, so she had a pre-established relationship with them, although there was a gap in time between when she completed her previous role and when she started this more official one.

Overall, it was a pretty eventful year. I think I've said that if years were chapters in my life, 2020 would have been COVID, 2021 would have been moving in with Lee-Anne, 2022 would have been diabetes (still have that pretty much beaten, btw), and 2023 would be marriage.

Grattitude Jar

In 2023, Lee-Anne suggested that we keep grattitude jars. I'm kind of a melancholy guy so it's not my usual style to take on projects with such a positive tone, but I agreed to it. We each set out a mason jar and commited to put in little slips of colourful construction paper with statements of gratitude whenever we felt so inclined. I felt the urge to make entries more often than I'd thought. I thought it might be fun to enter them on here and see what I was grateful for over the past year. 

I will omit identifying information and add context in brackets where needed. Because these are just notes thrown in a jar, they will not be listed in chronological order.

1. Living near an ION Light Rail station
2. Having polite upstairs neighbours
3. Our landlord turned out to be cool (we never met our landlord previously. We'd communicated over email and the previous tenant gave us the tour. We'd contacted him for support and received it, but it was only this year that we met him in person)
4. Getting the garden put in: sunflowers, lettuce, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, peas (the lettuce and radishes wound out to be a bust, but we had success with the other crops)
5. The engagement photos turned out nice
6. Finally going to the Clay and Glass Art Gallery
7. Finally getting the charcoal chimney to work
8. Finally getting the spice rack up (I truly drew these three in a row)
9. Finding the non-espresso Stockyards light roast "Second Wind" (local coffee supplier. We prefer light roasts and for awhile I could only find the espresso light roast, even though I was sure I'd seen one for drip at some point. Eventually I found it, and felt very validated)
10. Lee-Anne getting accepted for "Come to Work" at CNIB (her current job)
11. Lee-Anne giving Better Call Saul a chance (prequel to the show Breaking Bad, she didn't like the later seasons, so I was surprised she committed to the prequel)
12. Getting some snow peas in the garden
13. First tomato in the garden
14. My PoGo buddy giving me a bouquet the day after the wedding (In Pokemon Go, there's a chance that your Pokemon will give you a gift randomly. It's usually from a set list. Somehow, after the wedding, I was given a bouquet, which is not an established gift and I haven't seen it since)
15. Comparably affordable rent
16. Access to Victoria Park
17. Finally tried chicken and waffles
18. Lee-Anne supporting me to get healthy (really ironic those came one after the other. She also supported me to try the chicken and waffles)
19. Living near a Lifelabs (place I use to get bloodwork done)
20. Finding the creepy doll when most people thought it got lost (there's a tradition at work where we hide this little creepy doll somewhere. After a long period with no one finding it, it was popularly thought to be gone for good. But then I found it)
21. Learning how to do group texts & edit photos on my phone
22. Ensuite laundry (my previous place didn't have this)
23. The wedding turned out to be the same day that the first Courtland sunflower blossomed (Courtland is where I used to live. I decided I'd ask Lee-Anne out if I could make a sunflower blossom there, which is something I'd failed to do years previous. The wedding was sunflower themed. We had not planned it to be the same day that I decided to ask her out, but on the day of the wedding I got a Facebook notification reminding me that my first Courtland sunflower had blossomed that same day in 2019)
24. The red rose taped to a post at the start of our home street when we got back from the wedding (another weird sign of good fortune after our wedding)
25. Having a family doctor
26. "Pokemon or Medicine" category for trivia night (the staff team went to a trivia night and the first category was extremely catered to my knowlege set. I got every question right)
27. Having a boss that is cool about my ADHD
28. Finding my favourite type of sandals in Wal Mart in my size
29. The DSP conference ended early and I got to do Swinub Community Day (DSP stands for Direct Support Worker. We attended a conference which might have interfered with a Pokemon Go event, but it ended early so I got to participate anyway)
30. Having insurance for meds
31. Mom's roast beef and alfredo sauce recipes, which I took from sticky notes from her cupboard (used the alfredo sauce, never got around to the roast beef)
32. Lee-Anne finishing Breaking Bad and Lord of the Rings
33. My Gryphood blog with 50+ recipes (link in the blog title)
34. Having Lee-Anne's courage (sentiment that courage can be shared, learned in Mali)
35. Having the ambition to apply to be a mediator (a position I applied for at work. Didn't get it)
36. Living walking distance from work
37. Getting back into a workout routine
38. Tulip and daffodil bulbs coming out for the 2nd year
39. Living by the Iron Horse Trail
40. Having two affectionate cats
41. Relatively free healthcare
42. Tarot Tuesdays (I was doing tarot readings for people on Tuesdays for awhile)
43. Getting back into reviewing with Lord of the Rings and Thor: Love and Thunder (on my reviews blog, link under title of this blog)
44. Living near Belmont Village (shopping area with lots of independent businesses)
45. Central Air Conditioning
46. Living near a pharmacy
47. Getting wooden spoons to match our wooden bowls (I've got a friend that makes wooden bowls, and we met a guy that makes wooden spoons)
48. Getting to go to the Central Art Walk & meeting neighbours (this is where we met the spoon guy)
49. Meeting Mike Morrice (Local Green MP, met him at the Central Art Walk)
50. Catching up with old friends from college
51. 1st sunflower blossoming at the perfect time, day of wedding shower (my coworkers threw us a surprise wedding shower. I already explained why the sunflower is a relevant romatic symbol for us. While we were having the shower, the first sunflower of the season blossomed)
52. My friend being willing to give a speech (didn't pan out. One of my friends that was going to be a groomsman and speech-giver couldn't make it)
53. My brother's pants coming in & not needing to be hemmed (custom clothes for the wedding, time was running thin)
54. My 5-Year work anniversary flowers and Indigo card (got a gift for 5 years of employment)
55. Better Call Saul and The Walking Dead finally coming to Netflix (still need to watch the last season of The Walking Dead)
56. Our local grocery is independently owned
57. My cast iron pan & wok (although Lee-Anne broke my wok later this year...)
58. My A1C going from 10.5 to 5.9 in 6 months
59. Got a shundo Conkeldurr (It's a Pokemon. A really good one)
60. My C. Reactive Proteins fixing themselves (bloodwork thing)
61. My mom and brother watching and liking Encanto
62. Finally getting to try Korean fried chicken
63. Found the Radiant Wise Spirit tarot, pretty well the same as the Rider deck (I accidentally wrecked my Rider-Waite tarot deck. Couldn't find a direct replacement, but this Radiant Wise Spirit one is fundamentally the same)
64. My mother and brother watching & liking coco
65. Castor & Pollux wound up being gentle with Thor (my mother and brother got a couple of kittens when they still owned a 20 year old cat. Despite my apprehensions, it went well)
66. Successfully getting the joint banking account set up (a savings account for wedding donations)
67. Pokemon Snap finally had a sequel (I think I was just happy that it happened, even though I didn't have the means to play. My brother gave me the console and the game to play it as a wedding gift, proably after I put in this grattitude)
68. The wedding photos came out nice
69. My eyes are in good condition (If you're diabetic, it's recommended you get your eyes checked once a year. I still have 20/20)
70. Thor's long life and peaceful death (the aforementioned over-20-year-old cat. He passed in a very peaceful and comfortable way)
71. Getting 5 Pokemon Go Routes published, one being my walk to work
72. The WALES wedding shower
73. Coworker's fun WALES BBQ

Tarot Reading Year Forward and Back 2024

As is tradition, me and Lee-Anne did New Year tarot readings for each other. The readings were done in January, but it's taken me this long to make a blog post on it. Last year I tried an innovative new spread from a prominent tarot reader, but I didn't like it. Ironically, it was developed by the same person who made the deck that I got Lee-Anne for Christmas, and the one that we used for this post. She's a better artist than spread inventor, I guess. 

This reading's past cards will cover 2023, and the future ones will cover 2024.

This Covers You: Six of Pentacles Reversed

This card represent the querent as they are presently in life. Pentacles represent finances and tangible resources.  The Six of Pentacles features a man with a set of scales in one hand, distributing coins with the other. He is surrounded by impoverished people, crouched on the ground, looking up at him with their hands cupped, awaiting the man's decision on how much he'll give each of them.

Upright, it would represent the querent being in the trusted position of allocating resources to people in need. In reverse, the meaning is similar, but with more doubt from the person giving, either because they feel unqualified, confused about what they're doing, or because their own resources are scarce.

It's also possible that the querent is not the person handing out coins, and is instead one of the people receiving, vulnerable to the judgments of others.

This was a big year for me financially. I got married, which was a significant financial investment, and I was also in the position of receiving significant financial support. As of this reading, I had just got through the Christmas season, which created another influx of giving and receiving, uncomfortable after so recently investing in the wedding.

Rising prices of groceries is pretty unsettling as well, even though we're in a financial position to tolerate it.

Normally I would assume I was the giver, doubting my own ability. As a social service worker, I work with people that grapple with scarcity and am trusted with providing support. However, this year I might be the person receiving due to our reliance on support throughout the wedding.

This Crosses You: Two of Swords

The crossing card represents the presenting issue that the querent is dealing with. It is always presumed to be in the upright position, although considering a trend we're going to see in this reading, I almost want to challenge that.

Swords represent burdens and the element of air. The Two of Swords shows a person sitting in a chair under the light of the moon. Their hands are crossed over their chest, each one holding a sword. They are blindfolded.

This card represents a feeling of being weighed down by burden, confusion about what is happening and what should be done. So my presenting situation is dealing with stagnation due to burdens and an unclear understanding of my surroundings.

This is Beneath You: Death Reversed

This is the recent past. Usually it could be any point in time, so long as the event depicted is sometime before the before card (weird sentence, there's a "this is before you" card coming later) and after the behind card. In this case, it still needs to have come after the behind card, and it has to have happened sometime in 2023.

Death is the most misunderstood card in tarot. It's a bit of a cliche that people unfamiliar with it will panic if it shows up in a reading, and the reader has to rush to reassure them. It represents an end, which makes way for a new beginning. Tarot is all about journeys, and with Death in the middle of the Major Arcana, while it represents an end it is also only midway through the overall journey. It is unlikely to mean physical death. In reverse, Death respresents resistance to change.

I don't like linking this card to literal death, but this year we saw the passing of Cassidy and Thor, two of my mother and brothers cats, leaving them cat-less. One a tragic and young passing, the other peaceful and with the best longevity of any cat I've known. It also opened them up to receiving Castor and Pollux, two kittens they received from Lee-Anne's sister in law at our wedding.

This is Behind You: The World Reversed

This is the distant past. In this case, it can only be as distant as January 1st, 2023, and it has to have come before the Death Reversed event.

The World is the last card in the Major Arcana. If The Fool is before the beginning, then The World is after the end. It's the reward received for completing an important journey. When reversed, it means that this reward has ome about in a way that was unexpected or undesired. A bittersweet end to an important journey.

I can't think of any signifiant endings in 2023.

This is Above You: Two of Cups Reversed

This is the distant future as it looks right now. Because the future is so easily changed, to the point that doing a reading has the potential to shift it, tarot gives two optional results. This card represents an uninterrupted future.

Cups represent emotions and the element of water. This card depicts a man and a woman exchanging cups. It represents two people investing emotions in one another. In reverse, upside down cups look like they're being spilled. It might represent a messy or harmful exchange of feelings. Hope my other future card is better.

This is Before You: Ace of Cups Reversed

This is the near future. Aces represent the beginnings of journeys, reversed adding a layer of doubt or apprehension. In this context, it means the beginning of an emotional journey where the querent is lacking confidence. Might be insecurities surrounding managing married life.

These Are Your Fears: Nine of Swords Reversed

This place in the reading is pretty self explanatory. Image is of a person sitting up in bed, face buried in their hands, with swords in the background. It represents an inability to rest from feeling weighed down by burdens. However, sleep is theorized to be a tool for working through our negativity, so in reverse, it represents resting with pain as a way of  relieving it.

I want to address the elephant in the room here, in that this is the seventh reversed card in a row. After the reading I suspected maybe it was somehow a bad shuffle so I looked through the rest of the deck to see if there were other long strings of cards oriented the same. This was the only example of that, so I think it's fair.

These Are the People in Your Life: Two of Wands

Wands represent spirituality, everyday tasks and the element of fire in the form of energy. The Two of Wands shows a man, a globe in one hand, gazing out at the world from atop a structure. There are two wands, one before him and one behind him. This is the first card that is positioned upright in this reading. The fact that he is holding a globe and looking out toward the world indicate that he is planning a long journey, but he is still within his home. The wands in front and back of him represent that he's invested in his future journey, but also in where he comes from.

It's always tempting for me to say that the person depicted here is Lee-Anne, because not only do we live together, we also do each other's readings so it kind of guides the cards in that way. Technically it could be anyone, but sine this seems like a marriage reading, I'll guess that it is her.

This is Your Advice: Four of Swords

This is the potential intervention that decides between the cover card and the outcome. If the outcome is desired, this will act as advice. If it isn't, it serves as a warning. The Three of Swords shows a man laying on his back, with four swords positioned above him and one beneath. This card is very similar to the nine of swords that I got earlier. Both have to do with resting with your burdens. Since the Nine of Swords was my fear, I suppose the Four of Swords is asking me to realize my fear. Well, presuming the next card is positive.

This is Your Outcome: Three of Wands

This is what will happen if I follow the advice of the Four of Swords. The Three of Wands depicts a man gazing out at a long ocean ahead from a cliff, backed by two wands and holding one forward. This card is very similar to the Two of Wands, which I got as the People in my Life. The difference is that, while in both cards the man is anticipating a long journey ahead, invested both in the past and future, in this one he is contemplating this after beginning the adventure. He has left his home.

This is a preferable outcome to my other future card, so I will aim for this one.

Conclusion:

I think this reading surrounds my marriage, my mindset going into it and how it's likely to develop this coming year. More specifically, it concerns my attitude about accepting support. My current self feels like a beggar waiting to be handed his share, showing resentment for needing help. I am dealing with confusion and stagnancy. If I remain in this position and this attitude, it will eventually lead to difficulty in my ability to communicate effectivey and exchange emotions healthily with Lee-Anne.

For a better future, the cards advise me to do what I am afraid of, which is to rest with my pain. I think this is a call to slow down, meditate on my problems, and digest them before sharing with others. If I am able to do that, I will be able to enter a mindset similar to Lee-Anne's.

The near future is an Ace of Cups in reverse, then the unwelcome outcome is a Two of Cups, while the happier outcome has a Two and Three of Wands. All early journey cards and direct progressions from that Ace. It looks like right now I'm focusing on my emotions, but if I want to have a positive outcome I should transition to a focus on my spirit, whatever that means.

I'm unsure what the bittersweet end was in 2023, or what Death Reversed represents. It could be the end of life before marriage, but since we were already living together, that doesn't seem too important. I speculated it could be the Guelph cats passing. The World Reversed is more likely to be physical death than the Death card is. Then Death in Reverse could be the adoption of Castor and Pollux. The card means resistance to change and I did advocate for them not to adopt, as I didn't think enough time had passed since Cassidy's death, and I was worried how Thor would react as he was quite elderly.

Back when they adopted Cassidy, I really pushed for them to do it and supported them through the process. Only a couple months after her passing, another cat that I'd helped get adopted, also died tragically young and in an unexpected way. I felt cursed and said that I would never help anyone adopt a pet again. But Mom and Duncan already knew about a couple of kittens that Lee-Anne's sister in law was trying to adopt out.

So I don't know. Marriage and cats dying were the primary themes of 2023 so maybe it makes sense that both events would get a mention, they just don't seem too connected.

The overall takeaway of this reading is that I need to rest with my pain and avoid focusing on my emotions, instead favouring the development of my spirit.

2024 New Years Resolutions

 Last year I resolved to...

• Update this and my satelite blogs at least 55 times
• Have at least 35 of those posts be sourced from this blog
• Walk an average of 35 km weekly
• Average three strength workouts per week
• Dedicate one meatless meal per week
• Do 12 hour fasts daily
• Dedicate time to being off screens

So let's see how I did.

Update this and my satelite blogs at leat 55 times. 35 sourced from the Perch

As far as blogging goes, I met both resolutions. I barely met my Perch goal with exactly 35 posts. I also updated Gryphood 17 times, my Gallery 6 times, and Reviews 5 times, for a total of 63 posts, exceding my goal by 13.

Normally I would say that I've found an equilibreum with 35 annual Perch posts. In 2021 I hit my lowest ever post count with 34. To ensure I didn't keep backsliding, I resolved to do at least 35 in 2022, which I met but did not excede. This past year I repeated the trend. To me, this indicates a pretty natural quantity for my current blogging standards and my lifestyle which so often requires confidentiality.

HOWEVER. As of this update, I have 960 total posts since this blog's inception in 2009. Because this is my second update of the year, if I post 35 times, it will bring me to 993. That is DIZZYINGLY close to 1000, which is likely the most significant landmark number that this blog with ever get to. So let's make it my goal to reach 1000, which will require 42 posts on this blog, 40 additional after this one is published. That's seven posts more than I've achieved in the last 2 years, and something I haven't met since 2020. I'm not sure I'm up to it, but I'll try.

My previous resolution of 55 total including my satelite blogs allowed 20 posts to be off the Perch. If I were to keep 20 as the baseline, that would bring my total post goal to be 62. That's an awkward number, so let's keep it at 60. That still increases my total post output by 5.

So I'm resolving to reach my 1000th Perch post, and have 60 total posts between this blog and its satelites.

Walk an average of 35 km weekly 

My average this year was 39.4.

I was going to let this one sit at 35 and focus on health goals surrounding diet and strength training, but since I've been increasing my expectations by 5 km over the past 3 years and I was so close to meeting what would be my goal this year were I to continue that pattern, I think I have to make it a goal to walk an average of 40 km weekly.

In 2021 my goal was 25 km and I averaged 33.3. In 2022 I resolved 30 and I achieved 36.4, and now in 2023 I resolved 35 and made 39.4. I feel like I have momentum in this category, so let's keep pushing.

Do 3 strength trainings weekly on average

So at this point I begin failing resolutions. I started recording my workouts in March, and I was pretty consistent with them until August. At that point I started feeling pressure about my upcoming wedding and stopped focusing on my physical health. After the wedding I struggled to get back into the swing of things and failed to reestablish the habit. Still, that was about five months of consistent strength training, which is the best I've done since college. So it's progress if nothing else.

I'm reducing my expectations. I'll resolve an average of 2 strength trainings weekly.

Dedicate one meatless day per week.

I keep resolving this and not achieving it, so I think I'll omit it as a goal going forward. I'm still going to try and reduce my meat intake, but I'm not formalizing it as a resolution. The only positive I can say about my attempt this year is that it did motivate me to learn some vegetarian recipes, including falafel (although I think I uploaded the recipe in January 2023, but actually learned it December 2022), which is Lee-Anne's full-stop favourite thing that I make, even compared with all my meat recipes. She says it's better than restaurant, and she can't order falafel anywhere, because they don't compare to mine.

Do 12 hour fasts daily

My diabetes recovery plan was to start by rehauling my diet, then get into strength training, and then get into intermittent fasting. I may have been a little too ambitious to reach both my strength training goal and get into fasting. I still need to commit to my strength training, so I'll focus on that this year, and maybe in 2025 I'll be ready to start fasting.

Dedicate time to being off screens

This one is tricky to determine success for, since I didn't put a metric that I could measure it by. I'm going to say I failed it though. I may have decreased my screen intake a little, but not by enough that it felt like a significant lifestyle change.

This year's resolutions:

I heard of an interesting new approach to making resolutions. Most people set goals with an expectation that they will feel good in some way after achieving them, but a lot of times the goals they set are based on the expectations or advice of people with different motivations. This creates a misallignment between the goal setter and their goals, which often leads to disappointment. A new method that has been suggested is to start off by asking yourself how you want to feel, and then developing goals based on that.

For example, with health-related goals, some people might want to feel healthy, or they might want to look a certain way. Since it took the diabetes scare to get me to focus on that stuff, I don't think either of those motivations work for me. I think I wanted to feel safe. When that motivation became relevant, I was able to make a concerted effort.

I'm keeping some of the goals that I've been making progress on, but I'm going to add a motivation-first resolution as well.

In 2024, I think I want to feel valuable. Increased use of AI has made me feel irrelevant as a writer and an artist, and the impending climate crisis has made me feel complicit as a consumer. Basically, my thoughts and expressions have lost their value, and my existence passively helps push us toward the next mass extinction event. I want to feel like I can contribute to something positive.

...I'm blanking on how to do that, though. So for now, I'll just say "Find a way to feel valuable"

In 2024, I resolve to:

• Reach post 1000 on The Gryphon's Perch by adding 42 posts
• Make 60 posts total including the satelite blogs
• Walk 40 km on average weekly
• Do two strength trainings on average weekly
• Find a way to feel valuable

New Year's 2024

We went to Brampton for Christmas, so we were in Guelph for New Year's. We went down on Sunday and exchanged Christmas presents, since it was our first opportunity to do so. We got Mom some reusable, sealable sillicone bags, Duncan a video game, and the kittens some crinkle balls and cat toys. 

Our cats have a rainbow weasel, which is basically the only doll-type toy that they will consistently wrestle with. Every time I'd been back to that store they had one and I wanted to get one for Castor and Pollux, but the week before Christmas they didn't have it in stock. I got two dolls made by the same company, and when we gave them, it seemed like both their cats were enjoying a crinkly squid.

They got me the remake of Super Mario RPG, which was cool because it was the video game that taught me how to read. When I was in early elementary school, I was a reading level behind most of the other kids. Then we rented Super Mario RPG from our local Blockbuster Video and I fixated on it. Mom would play the game, and me, her and Duncan would take turns voicing the characters. This necessitated me being able to read the script, prompting a burst in motivation.

It was originally made for the Super Nintendo. Built in collaboration with an outside writing team, the same one that does Final Fantasy, this game was the first, and to me the best, Mario series Role Played Game. The Paper Mario Series was originally supposed to be a direct sequel, and later meant to be a spiritual successor. However, they couldn't get the same writing team back and they didn't have rights to the Mario RPG-exclusive characters, so while they were good in their own right, they weren't quite able to reclaim the magic. This remake for the Switch is likely the closest we'll come to it. It just has touched up graphics, a few new functions, some translation changes, and apparently it has a bit of a post-game.

Playing it as an adult is funny, because I'd previously only ever watched my mom. My favourite character, and probably the main one that I voiced, was Mallow. He was a sentient cloud whose mood effected the weather, who was adopted by frogs and so believed himself to be a tadpole. I remember some adults on early Internet video game guides thinking he was annoying, probably for his naivety and sensitivity, so I wondered if I'd feel differently about him as an adult. I don't know if it's just nostalgia, but so far I still like him.

We played a bit in Guelph. Later, Lee-Anne asked if we always took turns doing the voices. Apparently she thought it was odd.

 Lee-Anne got two books, Watership Down by Richard Adams and Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, both family favourites. I had a blog before this one, on which I did a lot of book reviews. I had a list of personal favourites, and these were both on it.

Lee-Anne's usually more of a non-fiction reader, and when she branches out, she's not usually into surreality. She says Harry Potter's about as far as she'll wade into fantasy. Since Watership Down is about a group of rabbits and Neverwhere mostly takes place in another dimension, these might be a stretch. I'm happy to have copies of both of them though.

On Monday, me, Lee-Anne, and Mom went to a family get-together in Toronto. My Oma, Granddad, two of my Uncles, two aunts, and two cousins were there. Most of them had traveled from the States, and some I hadn't seen for many years. It was a lunch, hosted at the community they live in. 

This is my Granddad that is experiencing dementia, so there was some worry that the amount of people would be overwhelming, but he seemed content. He was mostly smiling, he'd make eye contact when you spoke to him, he seemed to react to what you said, and he even talked a few times. His condition has not continued to worsen at the rate it did when he took a sudden decline a few years back.

After lunch and a walk though their neighbourhood, we went back to Guelph to do our tradition of jumping off the couch into the new year. They live in a basement, so I have to sort of crouch-jump while pressing on the ceiling so I don't hit my head. We decided to hold the kittens as we jumped and I wound up with Pollux. He spasmed and scratched up my arm pretty bad.

Dinner was a bunch of appetizers, meant to eat throughout the night. We brought homemade falafel, fatoush salad, and hummus, as well as store-bought tzatziki and pita. I also brought a bottle of cheap sparkling wine that we'd had in our cupboard for years. I don't remember why I first got it, but I always thought that part of the point of the experience was the excitement that came with the cork popping out and flying around. People were nervous so I palmed the cork and everyone was surprised at how anticlimactic it was. I'd figured that if it stayed subdued when a corkscrew was used, it shouldn't have too much force behind it. I assumed correct, not much pressure backing something that can be pretty theatrical.

I've got to do a post for my New Year's Resolutions for 2024, and I've got to do a tarot reading for a year forward-and-back. I've done the backround work for both topics, I just have to write them up. Hopefully I'll do that relatively soon.