Year Forward and Back Tarot Reading 2021-2022

Last year I did a year ahead tarot reading. A Celtic Cross spread, exploring 2020 in the Beneath and Behind cards, and looking into 2021 in the Above, Before and Outcome cards.

I used to do one with a central card representing the theme of the entire year, surrounded by twelve cards, each representing a month. But it appeared that modern readers were generally distancing themselves from such spreads, not wanting to be confused with fortune tellers. People tend to fixate on the predictive quality of tarot, but most spreads look as much into the past and present, and usually don't treat the future as if it's static, offering two futures with an optional intervention that chooses between them.

This year, I did another Celtic Cross, a 10-card spread which I would say is the most standard. I did one for Lee-Anne and she did one for me, but I'll only be describing the one she did for me in this post. 

Before we get into the newest reading, let's look at last years and see if it had any accuracy.

Last year, I got The Emperor in Reverse for my Above card, representing my uninterrupted future, and I got the Queen of Pentacles as my Advice, which, should I have chosen to take it, would lead to the Outcome, which was Death.

I interpreted the Emperor in Reverse to contrast my Cover card, which represented who I was at that time, which was The Hierophant. Both are Major Arcana and connected to one another. The Hierophant represents a leader in the realm of the spiritual, philosophical and intangible, whereas the Emperor is a leader more focused on practical, real-world approaches. The Hierophant was upright while The Emperor was reversed, so the former was drawing from the positives of such a style while the latter the negatives. I interpreted this to mean I was in danger of my leadership style changing from one that was observant and attending to mental health needs, to one that was more authoritarian and externally-focused.

The option given to me to avoid such an outcome was the Queen of Wands, which would lead to Death. This seems grim, but Death in tarot rarely represents physical death (that would more likely be The World, Judgement, or the 10th card of any suit, although there aren't any cards that can only mean physical death) and more often the end of something followed by rebirth. This is probably the most-repeated lecture any reader has to give, since there's a lot of fear surrounding the Death card for those that aren't familiar with the meanings. It's a mid-stage card, not and ending one, it's usually positive, and probably preferable to The Emperor in Reverse.

At the time, I interpreted the Queen of Wands to be Lee-Anne, and Death a form of spiritual rebirth. So the takeaway was to abide by Lee-Anne's influence instead of just trying to handle things myself. 

My Crossing (The Fool), Near Future (Page of Wands Reversed), and Recent Past (Page of Swords Reversed) cards all represented new beginnings and unpredictable futures filled with apprehension. My interpretation was that this unpredictable future event would be the thing that threatened to lead me toward career burnout.

 Looking back on the year, I would say that the unpredictable event leading to a potentially negative change in leadership style was my promotion. It came with new responsibilities, including a lot of clerical duties which don't necessarily feed into my strengths. I've had to learn to focus less on the interpersonal qualities of my position and more on the practical, systems-based side of things. Adding to the unpredictability, the person that was supposed to be mentoring me as I took on my new role wound up going on an emergency leave, and then I had to train the person who was taking my old position while I was figuring out my new one. I was then transferred to a new team not long after.

I hate to admit it, but I may have followed the negative route a bit. I think that learning to deal with the new responsibilities has not improved my leadership style, and the stress has weighed on me.

I would say that I did let the Queen of Wands impact me somewhat. In my Year in Review post, I credited Lee-Anne keeping me on track with my weight loss. I feel more in control of than than I have over that since working at the group home. I don't know if that counts as "spiritual rebirth". I don't think it's limited to just weight either, although that's the most observable, measurable change.

Anyway, let's get into the current year. One thing I'd like to note, is that between the two readings, despite using entirely different decks and with different people shuffling, half of the cards were repeats (King of Swords, Queen of Swords, Two of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles, and Ace of Cups). Just interesting to observe, I guess we're walking such similar paths now that it comes across in the reading.

This Covers Me: The Sun

This card represents who I am in my present life. I got The Sun which is one of the most positive cards in the deck. If someone were to ask me which card was the happiest, I'd say it's either the Ten of Cups or The Sun. It represents your goals and the things you want being right in front of you, fully attainable.

This makes sense. Right now I'm with the person I want to be with, doing the job I want to do, I'm living in the place I want to be, and I've got two great cats. I'm walking on sunshine.

This Crosses Me: The King of Swords

This card represents the presenting situation. Swords represent the element of air, burdens, and strengths. The King of Swords is one of the Court Cards, which usually represent people. Kings are symbols of authority, established in their role, well-known and depended upon. This is interesting, because in Lee-Anne's reading, she received this as her Cover card. So this likely indicates that she is the presenting situation.

This is Beneath Me: The Three of Pentacles

This is the recent past. Pentacles represent the element of earth, finances, and tangible things. The Three of Pentacles depicts an architect consulting two people who are going over blueprints for some kind of building. It represents collaboration and communication. Lee-Anne got this for her fear card. I guess it makes sense that she would fear it, if we just went through it not long ago, and perhaps she didn't care for it.

This is Behind Me: The Five of Wands

This is my distant past. Wands represents the element of fire, spirituality, wellness, and day-to-day events. This card depicts five people, fumbling around and trying to work together by connecting the wands that they're holding, with great difficulty.

This card is often seen as negative, with a focus on difficulty with communication, but I've always seen it as more positive than not. I mentioned this in a post and even consulted my grandma about it. While they are having difficulty working together toward a common goal, it's still five people coming together with a shared purpose and attempting to make things work. And I think that's more good than bad.

It flows really nicely with the Three of Pentacles. They're different suits, but the Five of Wands is the card representing difficulty with communication and collaboration, and the Three of Pentacles represents effective communication and collaboration. With the Five of Wands representing the distant past and the Three of Pentacles the recent past, it shows an increase in effectiveness with collaboration over the past year. Nice.

This is Above Me: The Ace of Cups

This is my distant future if I continue the way I am. Cups represent the element of water and emotions. The ace cards represent the beginning of journeys, so it makes sense to conclude that this card is the beginning of an emotional journey. Lee-Anne got this one as her Outcome card. As a side note, all four suits have been shown at this point. Also, the Major Arcana, Court Cards, and Pip Cards have all been represented. Very diverse spread.

This is Before Me: The Ten of Swords Reversed

This is my near future. The ten of swords depicts someone laying on the ground with ten swords in his back. It represents a bad end to a journey filled with burdens. In reverse though, it happens more intentionally. So instead of having this bad fate thrust upon the person, it's more like the person is "ripping off a bandaid". Putting an end to a problem that's been going on for too long.

These Are My Fears: The Queen of Swords Reversed

Queen cards represent a more subtle authority. The power-behind-the power. They provide a guiding influence. The Queen of swords is the type to manage the burdens of others without drawing attention to herself.

Lee-Anne got this in the upright position for her People in Her Life. Since she got the King of Swords as her cover card, it looked like two people in similar life stations, dealing with similar struggles.

This does suggest that Lee-Anne is represented as The King, and myself as The Queen.  I should mention here that the King does not necessarily represent someone who is male, and the Queen doesn't have to be female. With my career using a servant leadership model, dealing with emotions, and using preventative strategies, it's inevitable that I will sometimes be the subtle, guiding influence instead of the authoritative, commanding one. Get over it.

Anyway, the fact that it was upright in Lee-Anne's spread and reversed in mine, and it's her People but my Fear, indicates that I have some doubt in my ability to fulfill my role adequately. Very normal insecurity type stuff.

This is the People in My Life: The Ace of Swords Reversed

I've already said that swords represent burdens and strengths, and aces represents the beginning of journeys, so it makes sense that the Ace of Swords is the beginning of a journey filled with burdens. Being in reverse means that this anticipated journey is full of apprehension. This means that someone in my life is anticipating some kind of commitment, and are uncertain that they can handle the stress that comes along with it. Honestly, nobody is jumping to mind.

This is My Advice: The Two of Pentacles

The Advice card can either be a suggestion or a warning. Basically, it means, "If you do this, whatever the Outcome card is will happen". Basically, if you like the Outcome better than the Above card, follow the guidance of the Advice card. If you like the Above card better than the Outcome, avoid following the Advice. This is the intervention that will allow you to change your future, should you wish.

The number two cards usually have a sense of balance, a kind of yin-yang, a sense of duality. The Two of Pentacles depicts a man juggling two large pentacles with an infinity symbol woven around them. This represents a need to keep track of several different priorities at once, with everything "up in the air".

Lee-Anne got this as her "Crossing" card, her presenting situation.

This is My Outcome: The Page of Pentacles Reversed

The Page is the earliest of the Court Cards. It represents an individual on the early stage of a journey. They have yet to develop a name for themselves and their life is still very dynamic and capable of change. 

This card represents someone trying to take on a new project, but insecure about how to go about it and dealing with setbacks.

Conclusion

I am presently in a very positive life space. Over the past year, I've struggled a lot with communication and collaboration, but with much effort, I have managed to be more productive and capable of handling a nevertheless daunting task. I think this could have to do with my promotion and all the chaos that came along with it, due to role changes, new hires, new responsibilities, changing teams, and unexpected absences, along with shifting between in-person and remote work several times.

Me and Lee-Anne are both becoming more established, and are both experiencing similar growing burdens and responsibilities, becoming more authoritative and developing reputations for ourselves. While we are similar in this regard, there is a subtle difference in how we present, with myself being a more guiding influence and Lee-Anne being more overt. While Lee-Anne sees me as filling my role adequately, I struggle with self-doubt.

In the near future, I will make the hard decision to call an end to something that I've been struggling with for a long time. I don't look forward to making the call, but it's for the greater good. I think this has to do with a facet of my career that I've been trying to put an end to. Don't really think I should go into it here.

Someone in my life is struggling with self-doubt as they look toward a commitment, wondering if they can handle the associated stress. Honestly, maybe it's Lee-Anne and the prospects of marriage are scarier than she's letting on.

In my future I have the choice between a new emotional journey, or to struggle with getting a project off the ground. I probably want the emotional journey, which means that I should avoid juggling priorities. I take this to mean that I should stay focused and not take on too many new responsibilities, and not to confuse myself with too many new ideas. By keeping my head clear, I'll be able to see a new path before me.

Got Boosted

Me and Lee-Anne got our COVID booster shots today. I got my first two from a pop-up clinic for people who have disabilities and for the people that work with them. Lee-Anne got hers in advance in Brampton because she was on the payroll of her family's optometry practice. For the booster, there's been much less guidance on who can or should be getting it, so we both wound up booking our appointments in the same manner as the general population.

We managed to land an appointment for the same timeslot and location. It was at the Region of Waterloo Headquarters. I wound up getting Moderna for the third time in a row, and Lee-Anne got her third Pfizer, so neither of us have had to mix yet.

At the other place I went to, they asked everybody to wait in their vehicles for 20 minutes after getting their shot and honk their horn if they felt like they were going to pass out. This was upsetting to me because, while I've never personally passed out after a vaccination, I've sat next to people when they have, and I've never known someone to shout or otherwise indicate that they were about to pass out. I didn't have faith in the one person looking over the parking lot to be able to monitor everyone in their vehicles either. Also, I don't have a car and neither do many people with disabilities, who they were specifically serving, and they didn't have a clear alternative or offer any guidance on what to do if you didn't come by vehicle. I followed the arrows on the ground as instructed looking for a waiting room and eventually found myself outside in a rain storm. I wound up wedged against the building under a small overhang in the rain for 20 minutes, hoping that if I were to pass out, I'd be able to shout for help beforehand. When I came back for my second shot, they had a clearly marked waiting room.

At this new place, they had a standard waiting area with a person monitoring, and didn't even give the option to wait in a vehicle. We also only had to wait five minutes, instead of twenty.

So far I've had no side effects, not even a sore arm, which I thought was less about the chemicals and more about getting jabbed in the bicep with a needle. I haven't heard of anybody having difficulty with their booster yet. It seems like everybody gets to have one bad reaction and from thereon out they don't get much in the way of side effects. For most people it's with their second shot, which was my experience. First time around, I just had a sore arm afterward. The second time, I had a low-level fever with aches and pains for about a day. This time around, nothing. But Mom got a week-long fever after her first dose, which gave me a lot of anxiety because I thought that if the first one is usually better than the second, then her second dose could be that much worse. But the medical professionals were just impressed by her symptoms and said it was because she has a great immune system, and she proceeded to have absolutely no symptoms for her second dose.

2021 Year in Review

 2021 was better than 2020. People who say otherwise don't remember the mass panic that came with the first wave of COVID. This year we knew how it spread, we knew how to test for it, and vaccines were made much easier to access (although global distribution is still a huge problem). The aliens and murder hornets were more chill this year, although they're still around. Derek Chauvin, the guy who murdered George Floyd and acted as a catalyst for widespread social upheaval, was sentenced guilty for murder. Trump's out of office and things seem to be a bit quieter South of the border. We didn't get another mass shooting in Canada. Things have been alright, for the most part.

Granted, we did get a few more COVID waves and it's mutated into apparently 12 additional strains. I think there were... three variants by the end of 2020? Back then they were called the UK, Brazil, and South Africa variants, and they were later labeled as Alpha, Beta, and Gamma to avoid stigmatizing countries. This year we got Delta, which proved far more transmissible than the previous three, and recently Omicron, which is way more transmissible than Delta.

The overthrowing of the Capitol Building in the US happened early 2021.

Canada had its share of social unrest with the discovery of the unreported remains of thousands of Indigenous children under former residential schools.

Israel bombed Palestine, including a major news outlet. The US pulled out of Afghanistan after a 20-year war following 9/11, culminating in Afghanistan's acting government being overthrown, unable to defend itself without US support.

Ok, so 2021 wasn't better for everyone.

In my personal life I appreciated a good degree of success. I got engaged (just recently and it's the first time I'm mentioning it on here, so don't feel bad for not remembering), I went permanent full-time in my career, I was accepted back into University and completed my first course since returning, and we got another cat, Finnegan.

Now let's check in on my New Year's Resolutions for 2021 and see if I lived up to them.

For 2021 I resolved to update my blog 50 times, which was up from 2020's resolution to update 40 times. In 2020 I made 45 updates to this blog, 5 on Gryphood, and 3 on Gryphon's Gallery, totaling 53. In 2021 I posted on this blog 34 times, which is the all time low, beneath the previous record low of 37 in 2019. But I updated Gryphood 14 times, Gryphon's Gallery 3 times, and Gryphon's Reviews 3 times. So the total post count is 54, one up from 2020.

Gryphood posts were: blueberry tarts, frybread, banana bread, scalloped potatoes, hummus, taco dip, curry, broccoli cheddar soup, loaded baked potato soup, empanadas, cheesecake, hamburger soup, mac & cheese, and fried rice

Gallery posts:

For my review blog, I did two book reviews: The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchet, and Glittering Images by Susan Howatch, and I did a review of the Canadian-Korean sitcom Kim's Convenience. Partway through the year I wanted to commit to doing a review for everything I read. I didn't manage that, but I also didn't resolve it, so I didn't fail. I'll resolve it this year though.

I'll resolve to make a total blog update count of 55 in 2022, so that I'll have gone up by one each year over three years. I'm off to a good start, since I updated Gryphood twice yesterday (spinach artichoke dip and yellow coconut curry)

Gryphood

Gryphon's Gallery (gryphonsgallery.blogspot.com)

Gryphon's Reviews (gryphonsreviews.blogspot.com)

So last year I resolved to walk an average of at least 25 km weekly. I didn't keep track of it throughout January but started documenting in February. Since I've been recording it, my weekly average has been... 33.3. That's a fun number. I think I'll increase last year's goal by 5 and resolve to walk an average of 30 km or more weekly next year. Part of me wants to be more aspirational and increase it to 35 since I was so close to that, but nah. Moving the baseline goal is good enough for next year, I think.

During the colder times of the year, which were also when my work was generally being done remotely, you can see me barely squeaking out 25 km a bunch. But when I was going into work in person, walking to and from the office, the average is significantly higher. For a little while I was running a park group, during which I had my highest numbers.

We don't know what COVID will look like in 2022, whether or not there will be stay-at-home orders, whether or not I'll be working remotely, if I'll be running a park group again, so 30 km weekly is good enough.

Last year I resolved to start a body weight workout routine in June... and throughout the entire year I never did a single pushup. I completely flubbed this one. 

In my defense, I did have a net positive in terms of physical health. I lost about 30 pounds. I don't know what my weight was like at its worst, because there was a time when I was afraid to step on the scale, but I lost 30 pounds from my highest recorded weight. So I probably lost more than 30, but I gained a bit back this winter, so let's just call it 30.

I'm down two shirt sizes and I'm wearing pants that are 6 inches smaller at the waist. Granted, I think I was buying pants that were overly large in anticipation of weight gain, so I don't think I was ever as large as my largest pair of pants. But it's nice to be anticipating weight loss instead of gain.

I don't really know how I lost the weight. I don't think I walked it all off, I still haven't met my pre-pandemic walking average, and I was heavier then. My family has a weird pattern of struggling with obesity and then recovering from it without really knowing why. My biggest lifestyle change was moving in with Lee-Anne. I think my ADHD factored into my weight gain. I'd get distracted thinking about other things and forget to eat until evening, at which point I could ONLY think about eating, and then I'd binge, usually on convenience food that I didn't enjoy but which was easy to access.

Having Lee-Anne around, saying things like "Have you had breakfast?" and "What are we having for dinner?" has just been a consistent reminder to do the basic things that keep a human body functioning. I think the idea of obesity being for gluttonous food enthusiasts stopped me from figuring out the issue sooner. I kept trying to suppress an appetite that wasn't there, because my problem wasn't a love of food, it was an ambivalence to it. Ironically, doing my food blog, exploring new recipes to encourage a love of food has kept the weight off.

 Plus, the term "big guy" used for tall, broad-shouldered individuals such as myself slowly phasing from a compliment to an insult, being used for both tough and fat people alike, has played an interesting role in my psychology surrounding weight, which I could probably do an entire post on.

I won't dodge around the fact that I failed the exercise goal though. Maybe I put the start date too far in the future. This time, I'll resolve to develop a twice-weekly workout routine in January and implement it in February. Lee-Anne says she'll make a joint resolution on this, so maybe that will help.

Last year I resolved to have one meat-free day per week by the end of the year. Didn't manage this one. We did it a handful of times but it didn't turn into a routine.

Of all my goals, I sort of have the least confidence in my ability to accomplish this one. I frequently commit to eating less meat, and I regularly  fail. This one, along with the exercise routine, seems easy when resolving it, but tends to be more difficult than anticipated. Oh well, I'll resolve to do it anyway.

Last year I resolved to read six non-work related books. I missed this by a HAIR. I was on my last book and I was primed to squeak out a success, but on December 27, I learned of the unexpected and untimely death of someone I used to serve, which happened under tragic circumstance, and which I was... kind of connected to. I know that's a cryptic way of putting it, but I don't think it would be right to further elaborate here. Anyway, the book I was reading was about death, and this news just totally took away my motivation to read about it.

I'll resolve to read another six books in 2022. That seemed about right. And I'll review each one.

My final resolution for 2021 was to update my dream journal more. I got kind of halfway with this. I do have a collection of dreams, and have been keeping a journal next to my bed, but I updated pretty irregularly and I don't think it increased the frequency of me remembering my dreams. I think it's because on weekdays I usually hit the snooze button twice before getting up. When I first wake up, I remember my dream, but after snoozing, I forget it and usually don't get a second. The right resolution here would be to stop hitting the snooze button, but that sounds painful.

I want to add a resolution. Right now I've got seven blank canvasses. I want to put a painting on each one before the end of 2022.

So my final list of resolutions are:

• Make 55 total blog posts (between this one and my satellite blogs)
• Walk 30 km average, weekly
• Start twice-weekly body weight workout routine
• Have one meat-free day per week
• Read six non-work related books and post reviews to my blog for each
• Update my dream journal and be less reliant on the snooze button
• Do seven paintings (use up my canvasses)

So the changes here are that my blog count goal has gone from 40 in 2020 to 50 in 2021 to 55 in 2022. In 2020 I achieved 53, in 2021 54, and so I just need to increase by one to achieve this goal.

I've moved my walking resolution from 25 km average weekly to 30, so an increase of 5 km weekly. I broke 30 last year, but I think moving up the baseline expectation is fine for now. If I achieve my goal, I'll increase it for 2023.

I'm committing to post reviews for each of the books I read.

I'm adding an attempt to be less reliant on the snooze button for my dream journal goal.

I'm adding a resolution to do seven paintings.

Of my 2021 resolutions, I succeeded in my blog goal and walking goal. I failed the workout and meatless day goals. I essentially succeeded in my reading goal and only failed due to unexpected circumstance. I was pretty borderline with the dream journal goal, which was vague anyway.

So I'll say I was about 50% successful overall. I don't really mind failing my resolutions. I may have said I would read six books and didn't quite make it, but if I hadn't resolved to do it, I wouldn't have read the five I did. It was a big improvement from recent years when I haven't read at all. I may not have written down as many dreams as I would have liked, but if I hadn't tried, I wouldn't have learned the snooze button thing. I may have failed to commit to a meatless day, but I experimented more with vegetarian recipes. So each resolution still improved me, even where I didn't meet my goal (except for the workout one, which I had no progress with whatsoever)