So I actually did a day's work making jewellery on that co-op thing. Some surprise was expressed at my desire to add jewellery crafting to my resume. I have a feeling I'm... building a reputation. But, y'know, if I have the experience, I have options. I can put it on and take it off my resume at will. If I don't take the opportunity, I only have one option. I said I was open to any work opportunity, and I am. And it's not like I've got a whole lot to risk.
Also, I got a job callback for a position working as a cash clerk. I can't find my job tracking sheets right now, but apparently it's working for the city of Guelph. It doesn't look like it'll be many hours a week, but I'm still going to take a shot at this.
Today I finally got a stripe in karate. It's my white stripe, so it doesn't really show up on my white belt, but at least this means some people will have to stand at my left when we line up. Unless the other white belts have their white stripes, which I wouldn't know, because they're invisible... At least I got one before my attendance stripe!
Sensei Colin's birthday was last week. I'm going to have to figure out the day. If it was Monday, that's my birthday. If it was Tuesday or Wednesday, those are the astrologically most intelligent (and I just learned two people in my family were born on those days!). If it was Thursday or Friday, he loses.
Sensei Colin says he used to train almost all day, every day when he was 20 and 21. How can someone focus that much on combat without being inherently violent? He doesn't seem violent.
There are these brothers I take classes with. I think they're twins. At first I couldn't tell them apart, and now, I don't know how I could have had any trouble! It's strange.
Hmm... Another complaint I have about the Katimavik forms is that, when asking for your name in BackCheck (Okay, so this is BackCheck's fault, not Katimavik's), they give you so many digits to write in your first name, middle name(s), and surname. They give you more than twice as many digits for your surname than your other names. Now, they acknowledge that people can have more than one middle name, so why didn't they give the extra space to the middle name section? My middle names are W***** B*****. Both names are six letters. My first and last names are both seven letters. What would I do if my name were W***** Gryphon S****** B*****? ...Okay, so that would still have fit, but it would have used every single digit. Point is, it's not enough space to be safe!
I posted on that harmonica forum. I decided to just explain my issue as thoroughly as possible and see what they had to say. I'm... nervous. Really nervous. It's very rare, ever since I became dislocated, for me to feel this way. It's a bunch of text from people I don't know, who are communicating with a screenname that can't be traced back to me, and yet this is what puts me on edge.
If anyone is... reading this who I... may have canceled plans with, on account of my illness... And that person is wondering why I... was able to work and then go to karate.... Well, I'm... learning the disadvantages of keeping a blog!
No, but really, today was a horrible strain. Everything I did was sub-par, and I was in a terrible mood until I got my stripe. I put myself through my obligations, but was in no state to celebrate.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Katimavik Forms
I got the Katimavik pages printed out today. I had to go to the library, because our printer, as well as our scanner, is hooked up to the desktop, and our desktop still isn't working. Seems like I spend more time connecting things to things than using the services they're supposed to provide. I remember when I was younger, I had a philosophy not to do anything if the reward didn't last as long as the effort. For instance, if it would take me longer to prepare a meal than to eat it, I would deem that as a loss in profit, and not put in the effort. Nowadays, I don't see as much difference between effort and reward, so I've become considerably more relaxed, but in this case, I'm still somewhat irritated.
Anyway, these Katimavik forms are a real chore. They ask things like, have I ever been diagnosed with a learning disability. Since I have, they want all the papers associated with my learning disability. I don't have those! It's going to take some effort to get my hands on those, and it's all to prove something they'll hold against me. Also, they ask me for my SIN. You're not supposed to ask for that unless you're sure you're going to take the person!
And just to point out one of the things that doesn't effect me, but still seems unfair... If you've been hospitalized for anything, you've gotta put it down. So if you had your tonsils out...
Also, it wants dates, diagnoses, and proof for any meeting I've had with a professional, including a psychiatrist. I have a meeting with a psychiatrist. So... what do I do? Say I have one coming up, but I don't know what the result will be? I guess, but... I've got a feeling that's not something they want to hear.
Also, in this one section, they say all the answers to the questions they give are in the FAQ, but they ask what "billeting" means, and that's not in there!
Well, I'm going to be completely honest, and if they don't want me, well, maybe that means I don't want them, either!
I'm still filling these forms out...
My work got called off today because of thunderstorms. Good thing, too. I had a massive coughing fit today, which eventually triggered my gag reflex and I wound up coughing up a some stomach juice. Too much information? Well...
Anyway, these Katimavik forms are a real chore. They ask things like, have I ever been diagnosed with a learning disability. Since I have, they want all the papers associated with my learning disability. I don't have those! It's going to take some effort to get my hands on those, and it's all to prove something they'll hold against me. Also, they ask me for my SIN. You're not supposed to ask for that unless you're sure you're going to take the person!
And just to point out one of the things that doesn't effect me, but still seems unfair... If you've been hospitalized for anything, you've gotta put it down. So if you had your tonsils out...
Also, it wants dates, diagnoses, and proof for any meeting I've had with a professional, including a psychiatrist. I have a meeting with a psychiatrist. So... what do I do? Say I have one coming up, but I don't know what the result will be? I guess, but... I've got a feeling that's not something they want to hear.
Also, in this one section, they say all the answers to the questions they give are in the FAQ, but they ask what "billeting" means, and that's not in there!
Well, I'm going to be completely honest, and if they don't want me, well, maybe that means I don't want them, either!
I'm still filling these forms out...
My work got called off today because of thunderstorms. Good thing, too. I had a massive coughing fit today, which eventually triggered my gag reflex and I wound up coughing up a some stomach juice. Too much information? Well...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Clothes Shopping, Welfare, Foodbank, Forum, Resume
Sorry I didn't update yesterday. The Internet was down.
On Saturday, Granddad came over, and we went clothes shopping in celebration of my birthday. Granddad makes visits on a weekly basis, usually on Saturdays.
Clothes shopping used to be one of my least favourite activities when I was a child, and I'm still not overly-fond of it, but my attitude has mellowed, I now see a greater necessity in it, and now that I'm collecting money on a semi-regular basis, I can more greatly appreciate getting something for free.
Looks like we'll have to go to the Welfare office tomorrow, though. Welfare is a humongous pain. I've been through a few meetings, and just looking at the requirements irks me. I know that it's kind of like getting something for nothing, but they sure do a good job of not making it seem that way! Even if the person you're dealing with is nice, and you're good enough to already be fulfilling the application requirements, even down to documenting them, before the start of your collecting it, and you have no qualms about the base concept of Welfare, there's something about it, that, once you get in there, just gets under your skin. That's my feelings on it, anyway.
I took a look at the document requirements to be accepted into Katimavik, and they're annoying, too. They ask you if anyone in your immediate family suffers from mental problems, including depression, and they ask if you have learning disabilities. These are only the issues that apply to me, but there's a ton of stuff they ask that doesn't, which doesn't seem fair, and which I wouldn't hold against a person for, too.
I started a new account at that chromatic harmonica forum. I had an account before, and I'd asked one question, but returning to it, I'd forgotten my password, and I couldn't remember it, so I had to start again new. I'm having difficulty phrasing my concerns specifically, so I haven't posted yet.
I'll probably be working tomorrow. Since I've got the Welfare thing to do, and also, we're planning on going to the food bank, and the food bank and the work have to be done in the morning, tomorrow's gonna be pretty cramped. Mom'll be working with me, going to the food bank with me, and doing Welfare with me. I'm going to guess the food bank will be put off until the next day.
It'll be good to see the food bank again. I used to volunteer there. I'd like to say I still do, but it's been awhile, since it seems like every day is something. Granted, I had a day or two this week, but I wasn't up to much, with the illness and birthday celebrations and all.
I'm still waiting on those two prospective pieces of work experience. So long as I get them before the end of 2009, I'm happy with that. Right now, on my resume, I have six categories for work experience. Three of them are 2008-exclusive, two of them span a long range, but begin much earlier in my life, and one has started in 2009. In 2008, I was in a huge slump. I was afraid of everything. It took me days to work up the nerve to do one application, and I'd be physically sick after. I expected the world to come to me, and was constantly resentful and depressed.
Having reconstructed my behaviour to such an extreme, I find it highly disappointing that my resume has me down as having done three times worse this year. We're past the halfway point for this year, too. If both these opportunities go through, I'll at least bring last year to a draw, which I'd be satisfied with.
On Saturday, Granddad came over, and we went clothes shopping in celebration of my birthday. Granddad makes visits on a weekly basis, usually on Saturdays.
Clothes shopping used to be one of my least favourite activities when I was a child, and I'm still not overly-fond of it, but my attitude has mellowed, I now see a greater necessity in it, and now that I'm collecting money on a semi-regular basis, I can more greatly appreciate getting something for free.
Looks like we'll have to go to the Welfare office tomorrow, though. Welfare is a humongous pain. I've been through a few meetings, and just looking at the requirements irks me. I know that it's kind of like getting something for nothing, but they sure do a good job of not making it seem that way! Even if the person you're dealing with is nice, and you're good enough to already be fulfilling the application requirements, even down to documenting them, before the start of your collecting it, and you have no qualms about the base concept of Welfare, there's something about it, that, once you get in there, just gets under your skin. That's my feelings on it, anyway.
I took a look at the document requirements to be accepted into Katimavik, and they're annoying, too. They ask you if anyone in your immediate family suffers from mental problems, including depression, and they ask if you have learning disabilities. These are only the issues that apply to me, but there's a ton of stuff they ask that doesn't, which doesn't seem fair, and which I wouldn't hold against a person for, too.
I started a new account at that chromatic harmonica forum. I had an account before, and I'd asked one question, but returning to it, I'd forgotten my password, and I couldn't remember it, so I had to start again new. I'm having difficulty phrasing my concerns specifically, so I haven't posted yet.
I'll probably be working tomorrow. Since I've got the Welfare thing to do, and also, we're planning on going to the food bank, and the food bank and the work have to be done in the morning, tomorrow's gonna be pretty cramped. Mom'll be working with me, going to the food bank with me, and doing Welfare with me. I'm going to guess the food bank will be put off until the next day.
It'll be good to see the food bank again. I used to volunteer there. I'd like to say I still do, but it's been awhile, since it seems like every day is something. Granted, I had a day or two this week, but I wasn't up to much, with the illness and birthday celebrations and all.
I'm still waiting on those two prospective pieces of work experience. So long as I get them before the end of 2009, I'm happy with that. Right now, on my resume, I have six categories for work experience. Three of them are 2008-exclusive, two of them span a long range, but begin much earlier in my life, and one has started in 2009. In 2008, I was in a huge slump. I was afraid of everything. It took me days to work up the nerve to do one application, and I'd be physically sick after. I expected the world to come to me, and was constantly resentful and depressed.
Having reconstructed my behaviour to such an extreme, I find it highly disappointing that my resume has me down as having done three times worse this year. We're past the halfway point for this year, too. If both these opportunities go through, I'll at least bring last year to a draw, which I'd be satisfied with.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Life Planning and Video Games
Today, I looked up Katimavik's online application form again to confirm that they did, indeed, fill up seven months ahead of schedule. I was doing this because I wanted to complain about it via this blog. In the process, I found out that I was totally wrong. Both of the courses I thought of taking are still accepting people. The one's that... left on September 3rd have filled up. Oops!
So I signed up. I still need to have a criminal record check done, and I need to get a medical examination. That shouldn't be a problem.
I'd be coming back a month before colleges and universities started, but it turns out you have to be 21 by the start of the school year to apply as a mature student, and my birthday comes right after, so I'd have to wait another year.
I can get my G2 in four months. Driver's training lasts about a month. This has the potential to work together.
I'm gonna use this weekend for planning, and put my plans in action on Monday!
...I'm using Open Office as my word processor for this laptop. Today, I copied my resume onto it, and there's two lines that go onto the next page. Since all the formatting still fits side-to-side, it seems like the page is just smaller, like, up-and-down-wise. It's got me a bit perplexed.
...I didn't get my other post checked to see if it was suitable for publication. If you're dying of curiosity, just know that I was going to explain the video game I was playing, and why I think it has perverted undertones. When I said I was going to edit out the controversial part, I meant I was going to edit out those undertones. But I really thought that that was the most entertaining part of the update, and as a writer, I make it a matter of pride not to edit out the most ingenious part.
I guess I'll swallow my pride, though. The game is called Rune Factory: Frontier. It's the sequel to the original Rune Factory. If you don't know what that is, it's a spinoff series of Harvest Moon. If you don't know what that is, it's a series where you live the life of a farmer in a small town. You expand your house, get married, raise a child, become beloved by the town, and live a good, simple life. Rune Factory is the same, except instead of a just being a farmer, you play a farmer, fisherman, lumberjack, miner, blacksmith, artisan, chef, alchemist, warrior, and wizard. Also, it takes place in a fantastical alternate universe plagued by monsters.
It still feels like you're playing out a series of daily chores, but it beats Harvest Moon in that it doesn't make you feel pathetic for playing a game about reality instead of, you know, living it.
Also, it gets rid of that disgustingly wholesome aspect of the Harvest Moon series. That's the real reason I couldn't get into any of those other games. I don't mind being pathetic, but wholesomeness just isn't fun. The only Harvest Moon game I ever got into was Harvest Moon 64, back in grade 4, and that one contained alcoholism, child abuse, and domestic violence.
Rune Factory: Frontier isn't as frightening as Harvest Moon 64, but it's more perverted, so it balances out.
My mom and my brother are playing it, too. Me and my brother are neck-in-neck regarding timeline, but he's far surpassed me in content. We started playing when we didn't have the Internet, and I purposely neglected to look up strategy guides because I felt that relying on each others' discoveries created a sense of unity, and that it made the competition tighter. Now that we have the Internet back, Duncan's surpassed me, so I've got no real goals anymore (there's no way to lose the game), and leaked information has lessened the fun of discovery.
Even though it's not just a life-simulator, I won't hide the fact that, in some ways, it can be enjoyable as a form of escapism as an improved reflection on reality. For instance, one year is four months, every hour is a minute, and you'll make more progress in that timeframe, than you will in a real year of your own life. Also, if you work hard, you're guaanteed results, unlike in real life.
HEY! Don't look at me like I'm some kind of escapist game-junky that looks at a cartoon world with perverted eyes out of creepy depravity! This is a minor aspect of my life that I've made a quirky observation about!
...But regarding this small, sub-category of my life, it seems that I'm partial to games with a larger female audience. I usually like ones where I have to plan and puzzle my way through things, which generally appeal more to females, whereas more reflex-based one, like fighting games, generally attract a stronger male audience.
So I signed up. I still need to have a criminal record check done, and I need to get a medical examination. That shouldn't be a problem.
I'd be coming back a month before colleges and universities started, but it turns out you have to be 21 by the start of the school year to apply as a mature student, and my birthday comes right after, so I'd have to wait another year.
I can get my G2 in four months. Driver's training lasts about a month. This has the potential to work together.
I'm gonna use this weekend for planning, and put my plans in action on Monday!
...I'm using Open Office as my word processor for this laptop. Today, I copied my resume onto it, and there's two lines that go onto the next page. Since all the formatting still fits side-to-side, it seems like the page is just smaller, like, up-and-down-wise. It's got me a bit perplexed.
...I didn't get my other post checked to see if it was suitable for publication. If you're dying of curiosity, just know that I was going to explain the video game I was playing, and why I think it has perverted undertones. When I said I was going to edit out the controversial part, I meant I was going to edit out those undertones. But I really thought that that was the most entertaining part of the update, and as a writer, I make it a matter of pride not to edit out the most ingenious part.
I guess I'll swallow my pride, though. The game is called Rune Factory: Frontier. It's the sequel to the original Rune Factory. If you don't know what that is, it's a spinoff series of Harvest Moon. If you don't know what that is, it's a series where you live the life of a farmer in a small town. You expand your house, get married, raise a child, become beloved by the town, and live a good, simple life. Rune Factory is the same, except instead of a just being a farmer, you play a farmer, fisherman, lumberjack, miner, blacksmith, artisan, chef, alchemist, warrior, and wizard. Also, it takes place in a fantastical alternate universe plagued by monsters.
It still feels like you're playing out a series of daily chores, but it beats Harvest Moon in that it doesn't make you feel pathetic for playing a game about reality instead of, you know, living it.
Also, it gets rid of that disgustingly wholesome aspect of the Harvest Moon series. That's the real reason I couldn't get into any of those other games. I don't mind being pathetic, but wholesomeness just isn't fun. The only Harvest Moon game I ever got into was Harvest Moon 64, back in grade 4, and that one contained alcoholism, child abuse, and domestic violence.
Rune Factory: Frontier isn't as frightening as Harvest Moon 64, but it's more perverted, so it balances out.
My mom and my brother are playing it, too. Me and my brother are neck-in-neck regarding timeline, but he's far surpassed me in content. We started playing when we didn't have the Internet, and I purposely neglected to look up strategy guides because I felt that relying on each others' discoveries created a sense of unity, and that it made the competition tighter. Now that we have the Internet back, Duncan's surpassed me, so I've got no real goals anymore (there's no way to lose the game), and leaked information has lessened the fun of discovery.
Even though it's not just a life-simulator, I won't hide the fact that, in some ways, it can be enjoyable as a form of escapism as an improved reflection on reality. For instance, one year is four months, every hour is a minute, and you'll make more progress in that timeframe, than you will in a real year of your own life. Also, if you work hard, you're guaanteed results, unlike in real life.
HEY! Don't look at me like I'm some kind of escapist game-junky that looks at a cartoon world with perverted eyes out of creepy depravity! This is a minor aspect of my life that I've made a quirky observation about!
...But regarding this small, sub-category of my life, it seems that I'm partial to games with a larger female audience. I usually like ones where I have to plan and puzzle my way through things, which generally appeal more to females, whereas more reflex-based one, like fighting games, generally attract a stronger male audience.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Autumn
...I just got halfway through a rather thorough post, but it was going in a direction I was uncertain on whether or not should be shared publicly. I think it's fine, but I'm still going to... get a second opinion first.
Anyway, I feel ill. I fought off the traditional birthday sickness during my actual birthday, which I'm quite proud of, but I still got sick beforehand and afterward.
So I didn't get much done. Kinda wasted it away. I was going to post about how I wasted it, but that's what I'm not sure I want to get into. Don't let your imaginations run too wild, though. It's really not that bad.
I talked to my old Big Sister from my old Big Brother Couple from the Big Brother association today. We're talking about getting together next week to celebrate my birthday, which should be cool.
Otherwise... I like this season. Autumn. The sun is warm, the air is cold, the leaves are all different colours. I love the smell of rotting leaves on the air. It's a melancholic season. It's the season of death, and the season for preparing for hard times. That melancholic Fall scent can even still surprise me once in a while with pinpricks of nostalgia, and even unity, on the remnants of my shattered soul. It's a season of reflection and anticipation. Of sad, but beautiful truths. There's no other time when being depressed feels so sweet.
Apparently, it used to last longer. There used to be like, four seasons. Nowadays, it feels like there's two months... Summer and Winter, and Fall and Spring are short transitional periods between them.
Autumn is my favourite season. Even if it doesn't last long, when it is around, it feels like I've spent most of my life in it.
Anyway, I feel ill. I fought off the traditional birthday sickness during my actual birthday, which I'm quite proud of, but I still got sick beforehand and afterward.
So I didn't get much done. Kinda wasted it away. I was going to post about how I wasted it, but that's what I'm not sure I want to get into. Don't let your imaginations run too wild, though. It's really not that bad.
I talked to my old Big Sister from my old Big Brother Couple from the Big Brother association today. We're talking about getting together next week to celebrate my birthday, which should be cool.
Otherwise... I like this season. Autumn. The sun is warm, the air is cold, the leaves are all different colours. I love the smell of rotting leaves on the air. It's a melancholic season. It's the season of death, and the season for preparing for hard times. That melancholic Fall scent can even still surprise me once in a while with pinpricks of nostalgia, and even unity, on the remnants of my shattered soul. It's a season of reflection and anticipation. Of sad, but beautiful truths. There's no other time when being depressed feels so sweet.
Apparently, it used to last longer. There used to be like, four seasons. Nowadays, it feels like there's two months... Summer and Winter, and Fall and Spring are short transitional periods between them.
Autumn is my favourite season. Even if it doesn't last long, when it is around, it feels like I've spent most of my life in it.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Doctor's Appointment
I saw my doctor today. Before, I think I referenced having had a full medical examination before resorting to counseling, and that everything came back normal. Well, the truth is that, while I'd had a bunch of tests taken, I hadn't actually gotten the results until today. Turns out I was right.
I don't really trust her, though. I mean, she asked me if I'd had any heart palpitations while I was wearing the holter. She said there were no abnormalities on the record. This would mean that my heart palpatations are panic-induced. Problem is, the holter came off three times when I was wearing it, which I would think would cause an abnormality in it's recording my heart rate!
She's a bit worried about my sense of dislocation, and another complaint I've had, because of my family background of mental illness, and because these are often precursers to schizophrenia.
I think this might be a valid worry. I think I have the makings of a schizophrenic. Back when I was younger, I showed some signs of it. But last I checked, the average was, three out of four times, schizophrenia was triggered by substance abuse. So... even if I have the makings, if I avoid triggering it, I think I'll be okay.
But just because I don't go off the deep end, doesn't mean I can't show a few symptoms. I think the emotional strain of the breakup caused a few dormant symptoms to rise up, and even after recovering from the crisis, the symptoms haven't gone away. I don't think I've reached the point of no return, though.
She brought up the idea of antidepressants. I don't have a whole lot of qualifiers for serious depression, since it hasn't come to impact my ability to function, but she said she could get me on something small.
I... want to see how the counseling goes, first. I've got no problem with people taking antidepressants. My mom does, and it works well for her. But... I don't like the idea of taking them myself.
It can be a little tough around here, when I shoot down the idea of my taking antidepressants, and having no real reason for it. I think it gives the impression that I'm morally opposed to antidepressants, and when my mom's on them, I worry that I come off as insulting.
Anyway, I've had an appointment set up with a psychiatrist at the medical clinic. Event though I'm taking counseling, this is less life-planning, and more diagnosing whether or not I should be medicated for depression, and probably whether or not I might have oncoming schizophrenia.
I got my blood taken for the... fourth time. This time for zinc and vitamin D. It must be tough being a blood-taking person. The senior workers always seem somewhat sullen, and in the three months I've been going here, I've seen morale drop steadily in the younger workers at a steady rate.
The person who took my blood today took twice as long as the people who usually do it, and afterward, I was bleeding, and I had a bruise. That's never happened before.
Oh well, everybody makes mistakes, and she was probably new. I won't fault her for it.
On the way over today, I saw a muskrat in a culvert. Also, two frogs. I've seen the muskrat before, but I took it for a beaver. A stocky, brown, furry mammal with a long, black, leathery tail. I had thought the first time that my seeing it's tail as being thin and rat-like was a trick of perspective, but this time I got a better view, did a bit of research, and I do believe that it is a muskrat.
I don't really trust her, though. I mean, she asked me if I'd had any heart palpitations while I was wearing the holter. She said there were no abnormalities on the record. This would mean that my heart palpatations are panic-induced. Problem is, the holter came off three times when I was wearing it, which I would think would cause an abnormality in it's recording my heart rate!
She's a bit worried about my sense of dislocation, and another complaint I've had, because of my family background of mental illness, and because these are often precursers to schizophrenia.
I think this might be a valid worry. I think I have the makings of a schizophrenic. Back when I was younger, I showed some signs of it. But last I checked, the average was, three out of four times, schizophrenia was triggered by substance abuse. So... even if I have the makings, if I avoid triggering it, I think I'll be okay.
But just because I don't go off the deep end, doesn't mean I can't show a few symptoms. I think the emotional strain of the breakup caused a few dormant symptoms to rise up, and even after recovering from the crisis, the symptoms haven't gone away. I don't think I've reached the point of no return, though.
She brought up the idea of antidepressants. I don't have a whole lot of qualifiers for serious depression, since it hasn't come to impact my ability to function, but she said she could get me on something small.
I... want to see how the counseling goes, first. I've got no problem with people taking antidepressants. My mom does, and it works well for her. But... I don't like the idea of taking them myself.
It can be a little tough around here, when I shoot down the idea of my taking antidepressants, and having no real reason for it. I think it gives the impression that I'm morally opposed to antidepressants, and when my mom's on them, I worry that I come off as insulting.
Anyway, I've had an appointment set up with a psychiatrist at the medical clinic. Event though I'm taking counseling, this is less life-planning, and more diagnosing whether or not I should be medicated for depression, and probably whether or not I might have oncoming schizophrenia.
I got my blood taken for the... fourth time. This time for zinc and vitamin D. It must be tough being a blood-taking person. The senior workers always seem somewhat sullen, and in the three months I've been going here, I've seen morale drop steadily in the younger workers at a steady rate.
The person who took my blood today took twice as long as the people who usually do it, and afterward, I was bleeding, and I had a bruise. That's never happened before.
Oh well, everybody makes mistakes, and she was probably new. I won't fault her for it.
On the way over today, I saw a muskrat in a culvert. Also, two frogs. I've seen the muskrat before, but I took it for a beaver. A stocky, brown, furry mammal with a long, black, leathery tail. I had thought the first time that my seeing it's tail as being thin and rat-like was a trick of perspective, but this time I got a better view, did a bit of research, and I do believe that it is a muskrat.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Kings Buffet
That woman that I've been working for most regularly, and who is trying to open a business, took me and my family out to lunch today at the Kings Buffet, which is a Chinese restaurant near our apartment, in celebration of my birthday today. The Kings Buffet is the most notable landmark for our home, and so, whenever I have had to explain where I lived, I would say "behind the Kings Buffet". Despite this, I remained one of the few people who had not eaten there, even after a year and a half of using it for descriptive means.
This was, however, not the first time I'd eaten there, as last Saturday, Granddad took us. Louise, who is the person that treated me today, offered to take me to a Chinese restaurant. Duncan missed his opportunity to go to it last Saturday, and he, having the same reason as I for wanting to see it on the inside, showed remorse for having missed the opportunity. Therefor, I selected it again.
I can understand how it's survived. I think all the Chinese restaurants in Guelph have, to an extent, adopted some measure of North American style. But this place has taken it the furthest that I've seen. They even employ white people! And not just hidden in the kitchen, either. They're waiting tables and greeting people. I know this sounds pretty racist, but as someone who applies for every available position, I have come to notice that there are places that will only employ people of a certain race. This is the first exception I've seen in a major restaurant revolving around a specific culture.
Anyway, the buffet selection is massive. It's difficult to judge the quality of the food, because it's been so long since I've eaten at a buffet-styled Chinese restaurant that I've got nothing to compare it with.
...Otherwise... Something embarrassing happened to me today, which I don't feel keen on sharing.
This was, however, not the first time I'd eaten there, as last Saturday, Granddad took us. Louise, who is the person that treated me today, offered to take me to a Chinese restaurant. Duncan missed his opportunity to go to it last Saturday, and he, having the same reason as I for wanting to see it on the inside, showed remorse for having missed the opportunity. Therefor, I selected it again.
I can understand how it's survived. I think all the Chinese restaurants in Guelph have, to an extent, adopted some measure of North American style. But this place has taken it the furthest that I've seen. They even employ white people! And not just hidden in the kitchen, either. They're waiting tables and greeting people. I know this sounds pretty racist, but as someone who applies for every available position, I have come to notice that there are places that will only employ people of a certain race. This is the first exception I've seen in a major restaurant revolving around a specific culture.
Anyway, the buffet selection is massive. It's difficult to judge the quality of the food, because it's been so long since I've eaten at a buffet-styled Chinese restaurant that I've got nothing to compare it with.
...Otherwise... Something embarrassing happened to me today, which I don't feel keen on sharing.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Posting Under the Influence
Hwoof! I've knocked back a few beers, and I'm not so certain how I feel about publicly posting under the influence, but even in this state, I must not forget my duties, or the responsibilities I've put before myself!
...To all my American viewers, the drinking age in Canada is 19, so not only am I legal, but I've been legal for a year, so there's nothing unusual about this.
I remember that, in my previous post, I said I'd talk about something...
Ah, yes! I said I'd complain about the mapout of the human lifespan!
Yeah, so, the human lifespan is 1/4 in development, 1/4 in one's prime, and 1/2 deteriorating, and most people spend their prime looking toward other people's development. Also, as one ages, time goes by faster, so even though I'm 1/4 through my lifespan right now, in perceived time, it might make sense to have my mid-life crisis right now.
But in any case, if a mid-life crisis consists of a 40-year-old acting like a 20-year-old, then a 20-year-old having a quarter-life crisis should act like a 10-year-old, I guess... Which explains some things in my personal behaviour...
Don't mean to bum anyone out... I know I'm younger than almost everyone who has been linked to this blog, but... it's still my blog, so I get to talk about things, even if it seems selfish!
I know there aren't a lot of memories in a person's first 3 years, and I slept through most of my teens... But still, coming to such a landmark reminds a person of their time limit on this earth...
...To all my American viewers, the drinking age in Canada is 19, so not only am I legal, but I've been legal for a year, so there's nothing unusual about this.
I remember that, in my previous post, I said I'd talk about something...
Ah, yes! I said I'd complain about the mapout of the human lifespan!
Yeah, so, the human lifespan is 1/4 in development, 1/4 in one's prime, and 1/2 deteriorating, and most people spend their prime looking toward other people's development. Also, as one ages, time goes by faster, so even though I'm 1/4 through my lifespan right now, in perceived time, it might make sense to have my mid-life crisis right now.
But in any case, if a mid-life crisis consists of a 40-year-old acting like a 20-year-old, then a 20-year-old having a quarter-life crisis should act like a 10-year-old, I guess... Which explains some things in my personal behaviour...
Don't mean to bum anyone out... I know I'm younger than almost everyone who has been linked to this blog, but... it's still my blog, so I get to talk about things, even if it seems selfish!
I know there aren't a lot of memories in a person's first 3 years, and I slept through most of my teens... But still, coming to such a landmark reminds a person of their time limit on this earth...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
20th Birthday
Sorry about failing to update for one or two days, guys. Our desktop was fixed, and we had to trade in our loaner laptop. When we got our computer back home, it was still broken!
The good news is, it's my birthday, and I got my own laptop! This is my first computer that isn't a hand-me-down, so I'm very excited.
I need to come up with a name for it The one we just got back is Old Breaky, named for it's proficiency in breaking, and the previous one to it was Old Noisy, named for the fact that it was constantly screaming at an unbearably loud volume, which could be heard throughout the entire apartment, and which could infect a person's dreams and give them nightmares.
I guess it's a little early to decide a name for this one. We don't know yet what it's legacy will.
It's nice to see from today's Google Doodle that my birthday is the same as HG Wells'. Was he that guy who wrote about a time machine? Yeah, I didn't like that so much. But still.
And also, not to thump my chest about it, but did you know that, astrologically speaking, my birthday is the second-most intelligent of the year? The most intelligent ones are September 22nd and 23rd. Do you know how painful it is to come that close and fail?!
Anyway, my feelings toward turning 20...
Well, when I was in high school, I remember my World Issues teacher saying "When you're your age, you think you're going to live forever". I remember thinking that was stupid. Of course I knew I wasn't going to live forever. I understood the concepts of human existence. I wasn't crazy or in denial.
But what I didn't know was that, even if I knew that intellectually, there's a world of difference between knowing the fact, and having it sink deep into your bones, and to fully comprehend it from the bottom of your heart.
Of course, this isn't an epiphany I'm having today. There's no set time for any given person's life where everything falls together like this. No, my understanding came about eight months ago.
...I'll... update more, complaining about the mapout of the human lifespan, later tonight. I wrote up a big rant, but I don't feel like posting it right now.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Reviewing Blog, Old Habits & Other Things
Today I wrote my 100 Years of Solitude review, and started another blog of the same nature as this one, but just to hold reviews. I'm gonna link to the other blog via this one in case anyone's interested. The reason I'm not posting it here is that I don't want to publicly post spoilers.
It's creatively named "Gryphon's Reviews". Here ya go: http://gryphonsreviews.blogspot.com/
Today I talked to a teacher from my old high school. It was nice. She remembered a lot about me. I found that flattering, because it must be difficult to retain so much information on all the people you must meet when you're a teacher. I'm sure it's normal for teachers to develop really good memories, but still, I felt like a bit of a standout.
I was supposed to work today, but it got called off because of unavoidable circumstances not on my end.
I wound up signing up for a replacement SIN card. I have my SIN but I lost the physical card some time ago. The only thing you need it for, if you have the number, is those temp agencies. And even then, you only need it if you're signing up. You don't have to have it if you're just updating your file.
There's only one other agency I want to sign up at. If you sign up at too many, companies won't want to hire you because they don't want to risk paying two or more agencies for you.
And I am technically signed up at the place I'm looking at, but they didn't put me through WHMIS training or the Youth Employment training or ask me to sign anything or let them photocopy my SIN card. They just took my resume, asked me a couple questions, and sent me on my way, as if I were applying at some individual store.
But there's a few reasons I think things are going to wind up differently this time.
But I'd forgotten I didn't have the card, it's been so long, so I had to go sign up for it again.
It all went fairly smoothly. I was worried they might grill me, like they did when I was getting my passport, but they didn't. All business.
I'm kinda freaked that the only piece of identification I ever lost permanently was my SIN. That is NOT the identification you want to lose, if you have to lose something. But it's been a long time, and nothing bad has happened, sooooo....
I wanted to get my hair cut today, but I chickened out. I had my hair grown out long for five-and-a-half years, and since then, I've only had it cut thrice, so I guess I've still got a phobia about it. I'll work my way up to it, like I did the last three times...
Haha, after I had my hair cut the first time, for a while after, I kept feeling it's presence, even though it wasn't there. Like phantom limb, but with hair. I think I even got a little post-traumatic stress disorder afterward, and suffered an identity crisis.
Sheesh, you wouldn't have known it if you'd seen my old, slovenly, unkempt, adolescent self, but the few times I got around to giving that old hair of mine the royal treatment, it was, if I may say so, quite gorgeous. Like, too gorgeous. Like, it's embarrassing for a boy to have such glorious hair.
Haha, but that's all done with now... I cut it off to make myself more employable, and to cut ties with my past, and to start my life anew after I graduated from high school.
I met an old friend of mine coming back from applying for my SIN card. That was nice...
Otherwise--and yeah, I know I'm stuffing this at the bottom of my post because I'm half-hoping you'll have been bored off by now, even though I'm willing to say it--today I indulged in my greatest shame.
Well... the translation of the new Naruto chapter came out. If you don't know what that is, it's a mainstream manga. If you don't know what that is, it's like a Japanese comic.
Anyway, it's really popular, and got a really bad stigma, and since it's a shonen (teen boy oriented) comic, I'd better get over the habit come Monday (my 20th birthday).
The reason it has a bad stigma is that, about.... 5 or so years back, the story devolved from a, youhavetobelieveme, pretty good story, into a series of absurdly complex battles that appeal to 2 main demographics.... people obsessed with absurdly complex cartoon battle mechanics, and a horrifying type of person whom I cannot even bring myself to name.
Anyway, considering the fact that my first thoughts upon reading the chapter was that the Raikage should use a combination of Reptillian Sage Arts and the opening of the eight inner body gates to push his chakra levels beyond that of the tailed beasts, and that his fighting style should be a combination of taijutsu and close-range elemental ninjutsu channeled with chakra conduction through the metal rungs on his forearms, and that, by channeling separate elements on the top and bottom rungs, he should be able to create a combination element in the middle rung. That it should be Reptillian Sage Arts because Cloud ninjas have already been seen to have an affinity with lizards, and that Fukasaku specified his variation of Sage Arts to be amphibian, implying there are more forms. That the frog katas, which have been shown to use natural energy to effect a larger area around the caster of the technique should resemble an enlarged animal replication of the caster, to reflect the effects of the tailed beasts, which would reflect the similarities between Naruto and Jiraiya's styles, and better explain the reasons behind the consequences of Sage petrification. And that the chakra conduction appears to be his clan's specialty based on what's been seen up until now.
That when Gaara and Sasuke initiate combat, Sasuke should've teleported Amaterasu on him, that Gaara should've shunshinned out of a husk of burning Sand Armor and created a sandstorm, blocking Sasuke's field of vision and nullifying Amaterasu, since Amaterasu can burn only what is seen by the caster. Raikage should then move through the sandstorm, then the field of Amaterasu, guarded by the cloak of Sage chakra, which would become covered in the flames and allow Raikage to barrel into the unharmed void inside Sasanoo's ribcage, which would force the Amaterasu on the Sage cloak onto Sasuke.
Anyway.... Considering those were my first thoughts, I think I'm the stereotypical fan of absurdly complex cartoon battle mechanics. I told you this was my greatest shame!!!!!
It's creatively named "Gryphon's Reviews". Here ya go: http://gryphonsreviews.blogspot.com/
Today I talked to a teacher from my old high school. It was nice. She remembered a lot about me. I found that flattering, because it must be difficult to retain so much information on all the people you must meet when you're a teacher. I'm sure it's normal for teachers to develop really good memories, but still, I felt like a bit of a standout.
I was supposed to work today, but it got called off because of unavoidable circumstances not on my end.
I wound up signing up for a replacement SIN card. I have my SIN but I lost the physical card some time ago. The only thing you need it for, if you have the number, is those temp agencies. And even then, you only need it if you're signing up. You don't have to have it if you're just updating your file.
There's only one other agency I want to sign up at. If you sign up at too many, companies won't want to hire you because they don't want to risk paying two or more agencies for you.
And I am technically signed up at the place I'm looking at, but they didn't put me through WHMIS training or the Youth Employment training or ask me to sign anything or let them photocopy my SIN card. They just took my resume, asked me a couple questions, and sent me on my way, as if I were applying at some individual store.
But there's a few reasons I think things are going to wind up differently this time.
But I'd forgotten I didn't have the card, it's been so long, so I had to go sign up for it again.
It all went fairly smoothly. I was worried they might grill me, like they did when I was getting my passport, but they didn't. All business.
I'm kinda freaked that the only piece of identification I ever lost permanently was my SIN. That is NOT the identification you want to lose, if you have to lose something. But it's been a long time, and nothing bad has happened, sooooo....
I wanted to get my hair cut today, but I chickened out. I had my hair grown out long for five-and-a-half years, and since then, I've only had it cut thrice, so I guess I've still got a phobia about it. I'll work my way up to it, like I did the last three times...
Haha, after I had my hair cut the first time, for a while after, I kept feeling it's presence, even though it wasn't there. Like phantom limb, but with hair. I think I even got a little post-traumatic stress disorder afterward, and suffered an identity crisis.
Sheesh, you wouldn't have known it if you'd seen my old, slovenly, unkempt, adolescent self, but the few times I got around to giving that old hair of mine the royal treatment, it was, if I may say so, quite gorgeous. Like, too gorgeous. Like, it's embarrassing for a boy to have such glorious hair.
Haha, but that's all done with now... I cut it off to make myself more employable, and to cut ties with my past, and to start my life anew after I graduated from high school.
I met an old friend of mine coming back from applying for my SIN card. That was nice...
Otherwise--and yeah, I know I'm stuffing this at the bottom of my post because I'm half-hoping you'll have been bored off by now, even though I'm willing to say it--today I indulged in my greatest shame.
Well... the translation of the new Naruto chapter came out. If you don't know what that is, it's a mainstream manga. If you don't know what that is, it's like a Japanese comic.
Anyway, it's really popular, and got a really bad stigma, and since it's a shonen (teen boy oriented) comic, I'd better get over the habit come Monday (my 20th birthday).
The reason it has a bad stigma is that, about.... 5 or so years back, the story devolved from a, youhavetobelieveme, pretty good story, into a series of absurdly complex battles that appeal to 2 main demographics.... people obsessed with absurdly complex cartoon battle mechanics, and a horrifying type of person whom I cannot even bring myself to name.
Anyway, considering the fact that my first thoughts upon reading the chapter was that the Raikage should use a combination of Reptillian Sage Arts and the opening of the eight inner body gates to push his chakra levels beyond that of the tailed beasts, and that his fighting style should be a combination of taijutsu and close-range elemental ninjutsu channeled with chakra conduction through the metal rungs on his forearms, and that, by channeling separate elements on the top and bottom rungs, he should be able to create a combination element in the middle rung. That it should be Reptillian Sage Arts because Cloud ninjas have already been seen to have an affinity with lizards, and that Fukasaku specified his variation of Sage Arts to be amphibian, implying there are more forms. That the frog katas, which have been shown to use natural energy to effect a larger area around the caster of the technique should resemble an enlarged animal replication of the caster, to reflect the effects of the tailed beasts, which would reflect the similarities between Naruto and Jiraiya's styles, and better explain the reasons behind the consequences of Sage petrification. And that the chakra conduction appears to be his clan's specialty based on what's been seen up until now.
That when Gaara and Sasuke initiate combat, Sasuke should've teleported Amaterasu on him, that Gaara should've shunshinned out of a husk of burning Sand Armor and created a sandstorm, blocking Sasuke's field of vision and nullifying Amaterasu, since Amaterasu can burn only what is seen by the caster. Raikage should then move through the sandstorm, then the field of Amaterasu, guarded by the cloak of Sage chakra, which would become covered in the flames and allow Raikage to barrel into the unharmed void inside Sasanoo's ribcage, which would force the Amaterasu on the Sage cloak onto Sasuke.
Anyway.... Considering those were my first thoughts, I think I'm the stereotypical fan of absurdly complex cartoon battle mechanics. I told you this was my greatest shame!!!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Therapy & Personal Ambitions
Today I went in and checked into some therapy place. Told a coordinator about my problems. I had a full medical examination before resorting to this, but it turned out nothing. Medically, I'm just a healthy young man. Soooo.... let's try therapy.
I think it went well. I was very thorough about my issues.
Otherwise, I probably have some work doing software, which should buffer out my resume a little more and diversify my experience, so I'm quite pleased with that. It'll be unpaid, but I really don't care.
I've gotta make a doctor's appointment soon, and I hear that the temp agencies are hiring again, so I've gotta go remind them that I'm signed up with them.
Another thing I want to do is, I want to start updating my webcomic again. I've got this webcomic, which will go unnamed for now, which I have been publishing under a pseudonym that isn't the one I was talking about in my last post, and I had to stop updating while our computer was being fixed. Even with this laptop, I haven't figured out how to hook it up to a scanner. And I can't get the old computer back until we get this box back from somewhere else, but regardless, I should keep working at home. Besides scanning, I do everything in the physical world.
I would also like to pick up the chromatic harmonica again. I've been practicing harmonica on and off for six years. I started with the diatonic and moved to the chromatic. It really is a very underestimated instrument. It can play melody and harmony, and it can hold a note, and with bending, a diatonic can be a fully chromatic instrument, and with a chromatic harmonica, it's still possible to bend, and there are dozens of techniques to change qualities in the sounds they make. Regardless, I've only ever been able to master simple melodies, and it's taken me six years to learn the few that I have.
Now, I know it's uncool to practice on-and-off, but I'm talking big stints of intense concentration, and every time, after so many weeks or months without improvement, I just get feeling down and eventually taper off.
There's a forum for chromatic harmonica players. I guess I'll just get some more thorough instructions off them. I've spoken with them a little already, but I'll really put in the effort to figure out thoroughly how to advance from my current position.
A difficulty I'm having is scheduling time to do my webcomic and harmonica practice. Really, with all my part-time work, my schedule every day is different, and it's difficult to put aside set periods of time to do these things. I'm beginning to understand the importance of self-discipline, even in things that one does for pleasure. It seems like a contradiction, but...
Anyway, so I don't think I can do a traditional schedule. I'll have to think of another angle to take this.
In other news, I just compiled all my old book reviews from my old blog, and in total, they are 228, o21 characters, 39, 960 words, and 98 pages in Word. If the page count seems a little high in comparison with the word and character count, that's because there were a lot of bulleted lists. Actually, I'm a little disappointed. I put a lot of time into those reviews, and it didn't come out as impressive as I'd thought.
I think it went well. I was very thorough about my issues.
Otherwise, I probably have some work doing software, which should buffer out my resume a little more and diversify my experience, so I'm quite pleased with that. It'll be unpaid, but I really don't care.
I've gotta make a doctor's appointment soon, and I hear that the temp agencies are hiring again, so I've gotta go remind them that I'm signed up with them.
Another thing I want to do is, I want to start updating my webcomic again. I've got this webcomic, which will go unnamed for now, which I have been publishing under a pseudonym that isn't the one I was talking about in my last post, and I had to stop updating while our computer was being fixed. Even with this laptop, I haven't figured out how to hook it up to a scanner. And I can't get the old computer back until we get this box back from somewhere else, but regardless, I should keep working at home. Besides scanning, I do everything in the physical world.
I would also like to pick up the chromatic harmonica again. I've been practicing harmonica on and off for six years. I started with the diatonic and moved to the chromatic. It really is a very underestimated instrument. It can play melody and harmony, and it can hold a note, and with bending, a diatonic can be a fully chromatic instrument, and with a chromatic harmonica, it's still possible to bend, and there are dozens of techniques to change qualities in the sounds they make. Regardless, I've only ever been able to master simple melodies, and it's taken me six years to learn the few that I have.
Now, I know it's uncool to practice on-and-off, but I'm talking big stints of intense concentration, and every time, after so many weeks or months without improvement, I just get feeling down and eventually taper off.
There's a forum for chromatic harmonica players. I guess I'll just get some more thorough instructions off them. I've spoken with them a little already, but I'll really put in the effort to figure out thoroughly how to advance from my current position.
A difficulty I'm having is scheduling time to do my webcomic and harmonica practice. Really, with all my part-time work, my schedule every day is different, and it's difficult to put aside set periods of time to do these things. I'm beginning to understand the importance of self-discipline, even in things that one does for pleasure. It seems like a contradiction, but...
Anyway, so I don't think I can do a traditional schedule. I'll have to think of another angle to take this.
In other news, I just compiled all my old book reviews from my old blog, and in total, they are 228, o21 characters, 39, 960 words, and 98 pages in Word. If the page count seems a little high in comparison with the word and character count, that's because there were a lot of bulleted lists. Actually, I'm a little disappointed. I put a lot of time into those reviews, and it didn't come out as impressive as I'd thought.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Internet Woes
Today I checked back on my old Internet alter-ego. Turns out that one of my brother's friends found me out and used a catchphrase of mine and posted on my old profile. Also, I had posted something complaining about Mormons in my neighborhood, and months after posting it, a Mormon tracked it down and responded. I don't know how someone would be able to do that.
Also, I was disappointed to see that the main haunt this pseudonym hung out at didn't acknowledge me at all. It was the place I'd met my ex. I was a senior member on a very prestigious forum, I'd been there about a year, and I'd even been offered a position as a moderator, which I refused on the basis that there hadn't been any issues yet, and that I would take up the role when a time of need arrived, but it would be pointless to lord authority over people when there was no need.
After a bit, a person with four posts took the position, framed me for breaking a rule, and attempted to shame me and subsequently drive me off. She used an arsenal of techniques to stop me from speaking my piece and passed a rule that no one could publicly speak of the incident. I managed to prove that she had broken her own laws, and instead of vindicating me, it made the forum crumble. My old friends wouldn't stand to her authority, but they wouldn't stand for her ideals, either.
The only one who stood up for me publicly (yes, this is all text-based and mostly behind alter-egos) was my ex.
...So I went back to it today, and it's been revived. There's a thread requesting old members' return. Apparently they found a bunch of people's Internet haunts, collected a bunch of emails, and they were reminiscing on old times and people who'd long since disappeared.
I would be okay if nobody had mentioned me. Part of a past nobody wants to remember. I would have accepted being remembered with resentment. I would have liked to be remembered with fondness.
So, that doesn't leave much left, right? If I don't mind being liked, disliked or not spoken about, what could I be upset about?
Well, turns out I was mentioned... three times. One was on a list of people that were missed. Another time I was referred to as being "cool". The third it was revealed that they had found my new Internet haunt.
So they just remembered me as being "cool". I spent a year of my life, investing everything I had there... I met my girlfriend of three years there... I was there when it started, and I was the cause of it's most famous disaster, and they think I'm cool, and they found my new address, but since they'd already sent out the requests of return...
GRRRRRRR!!!!!! I'll teach them to cross me by not crossing me!!!!! I have one weapon still at my disposal, even after all these years!!!! I'll raze them to the ground!!!! I'll---
Grrr.... *sigh*
....
....
....I hate this stupid world of illusions.
Anyway, forget that. I just gotta let myself cool. I gotta leave all that behind... No revenge for me.
Anyway, I submitted my offer to work for free. Today, in karate, there were two new black belts. One of them didn't have their uniform on, and traditionally that means that they're on the two week free trial. That means, even less than white belt. But he was sending flying kicks like nobody's business before the class even started. I overheard one of the senseis refer to him as sensei, and he was giving black belts advice, so... This guy must be serious business. The other new black belt is female, which I only remark on because there's only three females taking classes, including her. She had bright pink sparring gear with the word "magic" spelled on her head piece. I hope that's not the traditional female uniform, 'cause that'd be pretty sexist. I think she got it custom-made, though. All the black belts seem to have their own stuff, and her street clothes were the same colours as her uniform and sparring gear.
I almost got my self-defense stripe, but I didn't. I almost got my sparring stripe too, but I didn't. Arg! Three (not five, I was mistaken) new white belts, and I don't have anything to represent my seniority over them!
Lot of people jumped from green to purple belt in my absence, too. Now the dojo is built primarily of purple belts. I don't think there was a single purple belt before.
I'm in a bit of an odd age bracket to be taking these courses. Seems like there's lots of children's classes, and then, adult class consists primarily of middle-aged to elderly people, and then, the few people who are young are more my brother's age. I would say, come the 21st, I've got my own decade all to myself.
Also, I was disappointed to see that the main haunt this pseudonym hung out at didn't acknowledge me at all. It was the place I'd met my ex. I was a senior member on a very prestigious forum, I'd been there about a year, and I'd even been offered a position as a moderator, which I refused on the basis that there hadn't been any issues yet, and that I would take up the role when a time of need arrived, but it would be pointless to lord authority over people when there was no need.
After a bit, a person with four posts took the position, framed me for breaking a rule, and attempted to shame me and subsequently drive me off. She used an arsenal of techniques to stop me from speaking my piece and passed a rule that no one could publicly speak of the incident. I managed to prove that she had broken her own laws, and instead of vindicating me, it made the forum crumble. My old friends wouldn't stand to her authority, but they wouldn't stand for her ideals, either.
The only one who stood up for me publicly (yes, this is all text-based and mostly behind alter-egos) was my ex.
...So I went back to it today, and it's been revived. There's a thread requesting old members' return. Apparently they found a bunch of people's Internet haunts, collected a bunch of emails, and they were reminiscing on old times and people who'd long since disappeared.
I would be okay if nobody had mentioned me. Part of a past nobody wants to remember. I would have accepted being remembered with resentment. I would have liked to be remembered with fondness.
So, that doesn't leave much left, right? If I don't mind being liked, disliked or not spoken about, what could I be upset about?
Well, turns out I was mentioned... three times. One was on a list of people that were missed. Another time I was referred to as being "cool". The third it was revealed that they had found my new Internet haunt.
So they just remembered me as being "cool". I spent a year of my life, investing everything I had there... I met my girlfriend of three years there... I was there when it started, and I was the cause of it's most famous disaster, and they think I'm cool, and they found my new address, but since they'd already sent out the requests of return...
GRRRRRRR!!!!!! I'll teach them to cross me by not crossing me!!!!! I have one weapon still at my disposal, even after all these years!!!! I'll raze them to the ground!!!! I'll---
Grrr.... *sigh*
....
....
....I hate this stupid world of illusions.
Anyway, forget that. I just gotta let myself cool. I gotta leave all that behind... No revenge for me.
Anyway, I submitted my offer to work for free. Today, in karate, there were two new black belts. One of them didn't have their uniform on, and traditionally that means that they're on the two week free trial. That means, even less than white belt. But he was sending flying kicks like nobody's business before the class even started. I overheard one of the senseis refer to him as sensei, and he was giving black belts advice, so... This guy must be serious business. The other new black belt is female, which I only remark on because there's only three females taking classes, including her. She had bright pink sparring gear with the word "magic" spelled on her head piece. I hope that's not the traditional female uniform, 'cause that'd be pretty sexist. I think she got it custom-made, though. All the black belts seem to have their own stuff, and her street clothes were the same colours as her uniform and sparring gear.
I almost got my self-defense stripe, but I didn't. I almost got my sparring stripe too, but I didn't. Arg! Three (not five, I was mistaken) new white belts, and I don't have anything to represent my seniority over them!
Lot of people jumped from green to purple belt in my absence, too. Now the dojo is built primarily of purple belts. I don't think there was a single purple belt before.
I'm in a bit of an odd age bracket to be taking these courses. Seems like there's lots of children's classes, and then, adult class consists primarily of middle-aged to elderly people, and then, the few people who are young are more my brother's age. I would say, come the 21st, I've got my own decade all to myself.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
New Viewers, Karate Psychology & Life Planning
Alright, so first of all, I'd like to welcome my two new followers. I'm very grateful to have an audience, although I admit I'm getting a bit of stage fright. Even though I haven't posted anything here that I wasn't prepared to own up to to any given viewer, I hadn't realized until a little while ago that my mom had linked me to all my family and friends, and it gave me a bit of a start. I admit that that, perhaps more than my illness, may have been the cause for my briefness on my last update. I'll work through it, though.
Anyway, I went to karate class for the first time in a bit. Because of the trip to see Dad, I missed out on last week. Five people joined in my absence! Previously, there was only one person other than me and my brother who was a white belt, and she a high-ranking one. Now I've got seniority over five people!
The trust fund is paying for these classes. It was my brother's idea to start taking them. I was reluctant at first because I'm such a behemoth that it's already difficult not to intimidate people, and I'd always been under the impression that if I gained some muscle mass, it would be obvious that not only was I naturally intimidating, but that I actually put effort into seeming so.
But when I decided to take up these classes, I was still suffering from the breakup. I felt dislocated from the world, like I was watching a movie about myself through my eyes, instead of actually experiencing things. As emo as it sounds, I wanted to inflict pain on myself, because it would be better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. I figured I had two choices: one was to cut or burn myself, and the other was to exercise. I figured that I could at least pass off the second option as being healthy on some level, and that, if I took martial arts, I could be supportive of my brother's ambition, take advantage of an opportunity (if two people from the same household join, there is a discount), learn about a culture, and learn battle mechanics on a more intellectual level, so it wouldn't just be some musclehead thing.
But the real reason it was better than simply inflicting pain on myself, was that this would be a pain that was moving forward toward some form of self-improvement and with an end goal in mind. Passivity gave me a feeling of deterioration. I couldn't even tolerate the passivity of relaxation.
Anyway, it didn't help... It's true it was a real struggle at first, but the pain felt as impersonal as everything else. Even now, I think the reason I'm opening up so many personal feelings right after finding out that I had an audience, is mainly because I cringed in fear, and noticing that weakness made me want to exploit it for all it was worth, in the hopes that I could feel the connectivity with this world that is personal embarrassment. Kind of another attempt to inflict pain on myself.
...I'm over the breakup, but in the course of my recovery, I think I went permanently insane...
....
....So, I tried to sign up for that Katimavik program, but it turns out they're all full up. A couple months ago they were all free, and I spoke to an authority on the topic. I admit I shouldn't have procrastinated, but I didn't expect them to have finalized they're decisions regarding who would come so many months in advance. I guess it's kind of first come, first serve, and they only reject you if there's something seriously wrong with you. I could sign up for the year after next. Even though they have no specific program's planned, they're still taking applications. I dunno, though... I don't know what will be going on in my life in a year and a half!
I guess I'll just take those driver's lessons, and I'll do a variety of volunteer work to supplement my lack of work experience. You never know what will happen, so long as you don't allow yourself to lose momentum...
We got a call from Futureshop, saying that our computer is fixed. We'd had a computer for about a month, it broke, we had it on a warranty, they kept it for a month, then we got a little help in putting a little pressure on them, they coughed up a loaner laptop, and a week later our computer was fixed. After getting the laptop, they assured us they do it all the time, so I guess they've got a policy of treating people that give them a hard time better than people who are polite. That is actually a very useful lesson that I will keep in mind in the future. It hadn't occured to me.
Anyway, I went to karate class for the first time in a bit. Because of the trip to see Dad, I missed out on last week. Five people joined in my absence! Previously, there was only one person other than me and my brother who was a white belt, and she a high-ranking one. Now I've got seniority over five people!
The trust fund is paying for these classes. It was my brother's idea to start taking them. I was reluctant at first because I'm such a behemoth that it's already difficult not to intimidate people, and I'd always been under the impression that if I gained some muscle mass, it would be obvious that not only was I naturally intimidating, but that I actually put effort into seeming so.
But when I decided to take up these classes, I was still suffering from the breakup. I felt dislocated from the world, like I was watching a movie about myself through my eyes, instead of actually experiencing things. As emo as it sounds, I wanted to inflict pain on myself, because it would be better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. I figured I had two choices: one was to cut or burn myself, and the other was to exercise. I figured that I could at least pass off the second option as being healthy on some level, and that, if I took martial arts, I could be supportive of my brother's ambition, take advantage of an opportunity (if two people from the same household join, there is a discount), learn about a culture, and learn battle mechanics on a more intellectual level, so it wouldn't just be some musclehead thing.
But the real reason it was better than simply inflicting pain on myself, was that this would be a pain that was moving forward toward some form of self-improvement and with an end goal in mind. Passivity gave me a feeling of deterioration. I couldn't even tolerate the passivity of relaxation.
Anyway, it didn't help... It's true it was a real struggle at first, but the pain felt as impersonal as everything else. Even now, I think the reason I'm opening up so many personal feelings right after finding out that I had an audience, is mainly because I cringed in fear, and noticing that weakness made me want to exploit it for all it was worth, in the hopes that I could feel the connectivity with this world that is personal embarrassment. Kind of another attempt to inflict pain on myself.
...I'm over the breakup, but in the course of my recovery, I think I went permanently insane...
....
....So, I tried to sign up for that Katimavik program, but it turns out they're all full up. A couple months ago they were all free, and I spoke to an authority on the topic. I admit I shouldn't have procrastinated, but I didn't expect them to have finalized they're decisions regarding who would come so many months in advance. I guess it's kind of first come, first serve, and they only reject you if there's something seriously wrong with you. I could sign up for the year after next. Even though they have no specific program's planned, they're still taking applications. I dunno, though... I don't know what will be going on in my life in a year and a half!
I guess I'll just take those driver's lessons, and I'll do a variety of volunteer work to supplement my lack of work experience. You never know what will happen, so long as you don't allow yourself to lose momentum...
We got a call from Futureshop, saying that our computer is fixed. We'd had a computer for about a month, it broke, we had it on a warranty, they kept it for a month, then we got a little help in putting a little pressure on them, they coughed up a loaner laptop, and a week later our computer was fixed. After getting the laptop, they assured us they do it all the time, so I guess they've got a policy of treating people that give them a hard time better than people who are polite. That is actually a very useful lesson that I will keep in mind in the future. It hadn't occured to me.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Feeling Sickly
I'm feeling kind of sick today. I get sick every year on my birthday, and since mine isn't until about a week from now, I'm hoping this doesn't mean that I'll be sick all week.
I was supposed to work for one of my clients today, and I was ready to work through it, but the person I was working for perceived my illness, and I wound up cutting early. This person is the same one who was planning that co-op, but now it looks like they're going to wait a bit and see how they manage before they go further.
I sent out 16 resumes via the job bank today. Actually, I'll admit this is the culmination of what I said I did yesterday. Really, I had just compiled lists yesterday, and today was the follow-through.
I have these job tracking sheets that I got from 2ndchance Youth Employment Counseling a good while back, and it looks like I'll finally have them all filled out soon. Just 12 more positions and I'm done. Took me about five months, I think.
Sorry this is such a short update, but I should really get to bed. Hey, at least I updated. Today was pretty uneventful. Other than what I just wrote, I guess I could buffer this out by getting my 100 Years of Solitude review up, or talking about some kind of day-to-day activity, or drag up something from the past or analyze some quality of life, but really, if I'm being honest, I'm tired and sickly and and I'd just like to get to sleep. I wasn't about to welsh on my goal of daily updates on the third day of this routine, though.
I was supposed to work for one of my clients today, and I was ready to work through it, but the person I was working for perceived my illness, and I wound up cutting early. This person is the same one who was planning that co-op, but now it looks like they're going to wait a bit and see how they manage before they go further.
I sent out 16 resumes via the job bank today. Actually, I'll admit this is the culmination of what I said I did yesterday. Really, I had just compiled lists yesterday, and today was the follow-through.
I have these job tracking sheets that I got from 2ndchance Youth Employment Counseling a good while back, and it looks like I'll finally have them all filled out soon. Just 12 more positions and I'm done. Took me about five months, I think.
Sorry this is such a short update, but I should really get to bed. Hey, at least I updated. Today was pretty uneventful. Other than what I just wrote, I guess I could buffer this out by getting my 100 Years of Solitude review up, or talking about some kind of day-to-day activity, or drag up something from the past or analyze some quality of life, but really, if I'm being honest, I'm tired and sickly and and I'd just like to get to sleep. I wasn't about to welsh on my goal of daily updates on the third day of this routine, though.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Employment Struggles
Today I hit up the job bank for the first time in awhile. My computer was down for about a month, and my resume was on it, and I hadn't emailed the most recent version to myself. For some reason, I can't access my resume at 2ndchance anymore, and both the 2ndchance and library computers refuse my attempts to download it into their word processors.
The job bank really hasn't changed much. I went through the entire archive of Guelph job listings and the very vast majority of positions I was qualified for were positions I've been seeing on it consistently for almost half a year, and which have never gotten me a result.
I haven't been applying as much as I'd like. I did have some recent-enough resumes printed out, and I passed some around, but I still fell below my own expectations.
I've been searching for over a year, and I've basically lost faith in my ability to land a job. The reason I continue to apply is more out of pride than anything. I want to be able to tell the world that I'm doing my part, and it's up to someone else to meet me halfway.
Actually, I've managed to build my resume up okay. I've had some short-term work in factories, gathered a few clients that I do light landscaping and general labour for, I've attended a pre-employment program, graduated and got 4 certificates, I've done a few articles for an acting school website in Vancouver, I've been editing a sociology textbook for a professor at York University, and I was called back by my pre-employment program to do a guest-speaking role for a Ways2Work information session, and to give feedback to authorities on youth employment resources at a focus group.
So my resume is looking pretty fine, but since everyone in my family is unemployed, I can't rake in enough to support us, and the result is that my resume has, to me, become more a source of vanity than as a key to survival. Most of the opportunities I've hit up, with the only exception being one of my short-term factory gigs, was through networking. Not anything to do with the quality of my resume.
And that source of vanity just took a hit. I had been offered a scholarship for an online writing program for the acting school I'd written articles for, but the course was postponed, and my future as a paid writer was also postponed indefinitely, so I was forced to take a section in my education off my resume, and I had to put an end date on my employment there.
The course would have gotten me six certificates, one per month, and I would have had another place to say that I'd graduated from. I was already in the process of bragging about it... *Sigh*.
And since one of my factory working experiences totally swindled me, pretending like I never worked there and never paid me for the hours I put in, I'm sure they would tell any inquiring employer that I'd never worked there, and so I might have to take that off, too.
And two of my certificates have expiry dates....
However, I've been offered another employment opportunity. Probably nothing to live on, but another thing to put on my resume, for sure.
See, one of the people I've been doing general labour for is opening a small business making earrings marketed toward lesbians and gays. My mom got a job working as a partner in the project. They were going to open a co-op, but some official thing says that co-ops need to include at least five people, so I've been offered the position as fifth. I'm straight and don't have any piercings.
It's kind of funny, since three of my friends joined the army as a way of coping with the recession. When they come back as fierce militants, I'll be able to tell them I'm a jeweller for gay people.
I think I'll go ahead and take the position. My adolescent machismo and fear of emasculation in the eyes of others seems to have passed me by.
Beyond this opportunity, I've been thinking of offering to work for free doing software for someone else I know who runs a business. Just a little more experience for the resume.
I was also thinking of taking driving lessons. I've got my G1, and I've got a trust fund set up from a quarter of the money that was got when a house that I lived in when I was 3 was sold. I can only use it for educational purposes until I turn 30.
I was also thinking of going on this cultural exploration project called Katimavik, where I would travel across Canada doing volunteer opportunities. It would add another slot in education and it would buff out my volunteer history.
Of course, it would probably be best just to do traditional post-secondary. It seems that, employment-wise, the tiers of education requirements go: not necessary; some college, university, or technical training; or completion of college, university, or technical training. Or there's specified education requirements. Anyway, if I do Katimavik, I'm probably just perpetuating my pathlessness, and it would be a better use to even flunk out of post-secondary, but what can I say? I failed to get into university, and college seems to funnel you into a specific direction enough to make my uncertain character very uneasy.
I can keep building my resume, and go as a mature student... I know I'm on a time limit, like, lifespan-wise, but... what can I say? I'm a deer in the headlights.
The job bank really hasn't changed much. I went through the entire archive of Guelph job listings and the very vast majority of positions I was qualified for were positions I've been seeing on it consistently for almost half a year, and which have never gotten me a result.
I haven't been applying as much as I'd like. I did have some recent-enough resumes printed out, and I passed some around, but I still fell below my own expectations.
I've been searching for over a year, and I've basically lost faith in my ability to land a job. The reason I continue to apply is more out of pride than anything. I want to be able to tell the world that I'm doing my part, and it's up to someone else to meet me halfway.
Actually, I've managed to build my resume up okay. I've had some short-term work in factories, gathered a few clients that I do light landscaping and general labour for, I've attended a pre-employment program, graduated and got 4 certificates, I've done a few articles for an acting school website in Vancouver, I've been editing a sociology textbook for a professor at York University, and I was called back by my pre-employment program to do a guest-speaking role for a Ways2Work information session, and to give feedback to authorities on youth employment resources at a focus group.
So my resume is looking pretty fine, but since everyone in my family is unemployed, I can't rake in enough to support us, and the result is that my resume has, to me, become more a source of vanity than as a key to survival. Most of the opportunities I've hit up, with the only exception being one of my short-term factory gigs, was through networking. Not anything to do with the quality of my resume.
And that source of vanity just took a hit. I had been offered a scholarship for an online writing program for the acting school I'd written articles for, but the course was postponed, and my future as a paid writer was also postponed indefinitely, so I was forced to take a section in my education off my resume, and I had to put an end date on my employment there.
The course would have gotten me six certificates, one per month, and I would have had another place to say that I'd graduated from. I was already in the process of bragging about it... *Sigh*.
And since one of my factory working experiences totally swindled me, pretending like I never worked there and never paid me for the hours I put in, I'm sure they would tell any inquiring employer that I'd never worked there, and so I might have to take that off, too.
And two of my certificates have expiry dates....
However, I've been offered another employment opportunity. Probably nothing to live on, but another thing to put on my resume, for sure.
See, one of the people I've been doing general labour for is opening a small business making earrings marketed toward lesbians and gays. My mom got a job working as a partner in the project. They were going to open a co-op, but some official thing says that co-ops need to include at least five people, so I've been offered the position as fifth. I'm straight and don't have any piercings.
It's kind of funny, since three of my friends joined the army as a way of coping with the recession. When they come back as fierce militants, I'll be able to tell them I'm a jeweller for gay people.
I think I'll go ahead and take the position. My adolescent machismo and fear of emasculation in the eyes of others seems to have passed me by.
Beyond this opportunity, I've been thinking of offering to work for free doing software for someone else I know who runs a business. Just a little more experience for the resume.
I was also thinking of taking driving lessons. I've got my G1, and I've got a trust fund set up from a quarter of the money that was got when a house that I lived in when I was 3 was sold. I can only use it for educational purposes until I turn 30.
I was also thinking of going on this cultural exploration project called Katimavik, where I would travel across Canada doing volunteer opportunities. It would add another slot in education and it would buff out my volunteer history.
Of course, it would probably be best just to do traditional post-secondary. It seems that, employment-wise, the tiers of education requirements go: not necessary; some college, university, or technical training; or completion of college, university, or technical training. Or there's specified education requirements. Anyway, if I do Katimavik, I'm probably just perpetuating my pathlessness, and it would be a better use to even flunk out of post-secondary, but what can I say? I failed to get into university, and college seems to funnel you into a specific direction enough to make my uncertain character very uneasy.
I can keep building my resume, and go as a mature student... I know I'm on a time limit, like, lifespan-wise, but... what can I say? I'm a deer in the headlights.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Initial Post
This is the initial post for Lair of the Gryphon. I'm thinking I'll do regular daily updates, whether or not I have anything interesting to say. I had a blog previous to this, but it had no schedule for updating, and it wound up so that all my recent posts would start with an apology for not updating in a while, and eventually I abandoned it. I'm beginning to understand the importance of self-discipline, even in things done for pleasure.
But more influential in my decision to finally drop my old blog, I think, was the fact that I used a pseudonym, and my audience was a variety of family members and people I felt very open with, so I wound up writing things that I deemed alright for a select few people, while also hoping for it to expand to a wider audience. The combination of a need for privacy, and a desire for the blog to grow and spread, wound up having me feel torn about the content I should be displaying.
I think it's better to have clear intentions from the get-go, even if it's less cool and secretive, so this blog will be public and intended for all audiences.
My real-world name is Gryphon. The name of this blog was meant as a slight play on the fact that my name comes from the mythological hybrid of lion and eagle. I thought of calling it "Gryphon Lair" and "Gryphon's Lair", but I felt the latter implied an individual too much, while the former implied a species. I wanted the duality, so that's how I made the decision I did. I still think the name sounds kind of long, but whatever.
Yesterday I finished the book 100 Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It took me 8 months to read. In the time it took me to finish it, I read The Shining, by Stephen King, Catch-22, by Joseph Heller, Grendel, by John Gardner, and Slaughterhouse-5, by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I started the book on a Greyhound bus on my journey to see my long-distance girlfriend of three years, who would soon be my ex, and I came within ten or so pages of finishing it on a Greyhound bus coming back from my journey to see my father, whom I'd just seen for the first time in eleven years.
I probably would have finished it on that bus, but some douchebag was getting drunk and rambling about his fratboy capers in the seat next to me, which made it hard to read. So I lost my real-world symbolism of starting the book on a journey that would initiate my deep, inner curse of what I call dislocation, or what the book would call solitude, and then finishing it on the return from a trip that was also to see someone whom I had long anticipated meeting. I hope I haven't cursed myself by not concluding my solitary journey correctly.
I used my old blog primarily to complain about books, but I suppose if this one is for the general public, I ought not hit up too many spoilers. I'm tempted to publish my thoughts, but I won't. I've already written a review and published it somewhere else. Maybe if there's a private setting on this blog, or way to hide text so you have to click on it to see it or something, then I could post my review. Or I could just post a warning in bold not to read past a certain point. Maybe I'll do that, and just copy/paste the review sometime. But right now I feel this is a good length for a first post.
If anyone from my old blog is reading this, don't worry. This won't devolve into a book analysis blog. I can't finish a book every day...
But more influential in my decision to finally drop my old blog, I think, was the fact that I used a pseudonym, and my audience was a variety of family members and people I felt very open with, so I wound up writing things that I deemed alright for a select few people, while also hoping for it to expand to a wider audience. The combination of a need for privacy, and a desire for the blog to grow and spread, wound up having me feel torn about the content I should be displaying.
I think it's better to have clear intentions from the get-go, even if it's less cool and secretive, so this blog will be public and intended for all audiences.
My real-world name is Gryphon. The name of this blog was meant as a slight play on the fact that my name comes from the mythological hybrid of lion and eagle. I thought of calling it "Gryphon Lair" and "Gryphon's Lair", but I felt the latter implied an individual too much, while the former implied a species. I wanted the duality, so that's how I made the decision I did. I still think the name sounds kind of long, but whatever.
Yesterday I finished the book 100 Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It took me 8 months to read. In the time it took me to finish it, I read The Shining, by Stephen King, Catch-22, by Joseph Heller, Grendel, by John Gardner, and Slaughterhouse-5, by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I started the book on a Greyhound bus on my journey to see my long-distance girlfriend of three years, who would soon be my ex, and I came within ten or so pages of finishing it on a Greyhound bus coming back from my journey to see my father, whom I'd just seen for the first time in eleven years.
I probably would have finished it on that bus, but some douchebag was getting drunk and rambling about his fratboy capers in the seat next to me, which made it hard to read. So I lost my real-world symbolism of starting the book on a journey that would initiate my deep, inner curse of what I call dislocation, or what the book would call solitude, and then finishing it on the return from a trip that was also to see someone whom I had long anticipated meeting. I hope I haven't cursed myself by not concluding my solitary journey correctly.
I used my old blog primarily to complain about books, but I suppose if this one is for the general public, I ought not hit up too many spoilers. I'm tempted to publish my thoughts, but I won't. I've already written a review and published it somewhere else. Maybe if there's a private setting on this blog, or way to hide text so you have to click on it to see it or something, then I could post my review. Or I could just post a warning in bold not to read past a certain point. Maybe I'll do that, and just copy/paste the review sometime. But right now I feel this is a good length for a first post.
If anyone from my old blog is reading this, don't worry. This won't devolve into a book analysis blog. I can't finish a book every day...
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