Post Grouphome Blues

Ugh... I've been really low energy lately. I feel like I was going so hard for so long, with all my jobs and suchlike, and I always had enough energy to get everything done, but now that life has slowed down, I'm exhausted all the time. I guess at a certain point, when I just kept putting more and more on my plate, the only thing that was keeping me going was the fact that I had that momentum. As soon as I let up a bit, I crashed. I think I may have burned out without realizing it, because I was so distracted. Now I don't know how to burn back in. I feel kind of emotionally stunted, it's hard to get excited about things, or mad or scared or even depressed about things. I just feel tired, even though you'd think a bit of rest would be energizing. I feel like I could sleep for days if I let myself. I haven't had so much free time since Human Services Foundation.

Oh well, I needed some time to recover after Canada World Youth if I recall, and that took place over approximately the same amount of time (six months) as my stint with three jobs, and even a bit with that workload as well as full time University on top of it. This past half year was not less intense than my Malian adventure, haha.

And there was that time in third semester of Social Services where I crashed after running on adrenaline when a bunch of assignments were due at once, which I described as "A painful, delirious haze" and thought I was "permanently broken" after the fact. I came back to form, though.

Still, got midterms coming up, and I'd really like to be in fighting form right now. But I'm too reflective, too relaxed right now.

Oh, I'm not worried about finances anymore. Last time I updated, I was stressed because OSAP gave me my money and it wasn't even half of what they said they'd give me. But they gave the rest of it to me the next day. I don't know why they gave it to me in installments like that, probably just to mess with my head.

I made maybe my stupidest financial decision this past week, though. I bought a washer/dryer. Problem is, I don't know how to install one. I got a good deal on it, which is why I did what I did, but still not exactly an everyday purchase, and I worry about my impulsive decision being based on the "financial comfort zone". People get used to being at a certain level of income, and if they suddenly shift dramatically, even if they don't realize it they will often work toward what they're used to. This means that if someone suddenly loses a lot of money, they will fight harder to bring themselves up to what they used to have, and more strangely, if someone suddenly gains a great deal of money, they will spend in a way so that they return to what they're used to. It's the phenomenon of the homeless person winning the lottery and finding themselves in the same living situation a year later. So I'm worried that I felt the sudden financial spike and made a rash decision.

But yeah, got the washer/dryer, figured I'd just stick it in the wall just like it seems you do with every other major appliance. I look at the plug and see it's a bit different from usual, figure I can buy an adapter or something. Look up how to install a washer/dryer and find out I need a source of hot and cold water. Suddenly feel stupid. I guess I figured that the water just magically produced itself when you plug it in, like the electricity transforms into water somehow. And then yeah, it occurs to me that all that water isn't just going to get reused, the machine probably has to dispose of the dirty water somehow. Really common logic type stuff. Didn't think that one through.

I'm home for Thanksgiving right now. I get today and tomorrow off for Reading Break as well. It's really nice to actually get holidays now. We had the traditional turkey dinner and the like yesterday, which was pretty swell.