ADHD Reassessment

Recently I got reassessed for ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). When I was young, I was diagnosed with Inattentive ADD, now known as ADHD with Inattention. I've mentioned it on the blog before, but I think I actually deleted my comment on it.  One of my readers encouraged me not to talk about it publicly since I was looking for work at the time and this blog shows up as one of the first hits if you Google my name. He thought it would be better to not release that information in case a potential employer decided to do some background research. But now I'm comfortably employed at an agency which should really not discriminate for such things, and I wouldn't want to work for someone who would hold that against me, anyway.

When I was young, my grade 1 teacher thought I might have autism because of the way I would rock back and forth. That got disproven, and then people thought I might be deaf and blind, so they sent me to get checked and it turned out my senses were perfect. Eventually they landed on Inattentive ADD.

I spent some time in an alternative classroom in elementary and middle school and used an Independent Education Plan. Eventually I managed to catch up and haven't used any accommodations since highschool. Because of my eventual success, I came to wonder if the diagnosis still held weight, or if I just lagged in school because of some of my life circumstances growing up.

So I got reassessed. First they had me do a pre-assessment, which was just a series of questions. Based on my answers, it was decided that I could potentially have it, so they had me do five more tests. Based on those answers, they thought I was ready to have a verbal consultation. After talking to someone for about an hour, I was told that not only do I have the inattentive type, I am also hyperactive! So I'm now ADHD Combined. 

I had a going theory for awhile that the difference between Hyperactive and Inattentive ADHD was only the difference between introversion and extraversion. I'd never met a hyperactive introvert or an inattentive extravert before. I thought it was the difference between whether or not you pointed your chaos inward or out, and since I identify as an introvert, it made sense that I was the inattentive type.

This time I was told that because my behaviour wasn't disruptive in class, this could have led me to being misdiagnosed, because I clearly had a lot of energy that was trying to be put to use. This came through when I told her that one of the reasons I initially got assessed was because I couldn't stop rocking back and forth in class. I mentioned that I got put in a support group for hyperactives and even though I thought I was misplaced, the teacher pointed to me rolling a pen in and out of my shirt as an example of a hyperactive trait, which confused me about my identity. I mentioned how even now I pace back and forth all the time and Lee-Anne thinks I do it when I feel anxious, but that I also do it when I feel every other emotion. I told her about how I use a pocket calendar as an impromptu fidget toy during Zoom meetings, alternately fitting the keychain over my fingers and twisting the dial back and forth to help me concentrate.

Mom was really happy to hear this result. She said that she always knew I was hyperactive, and the reason I didn't get the diagnosis was because I was assessed based on my classroom behaviour. She said that if people saw me running back and forth to help me think like I did at home, I would have been labeled a hyperactive long ago.

It's not often talked about, but the world of ADHD is not kind to Inattentives. One thing that people love to say about ADHD is that it's the ideal way of thinking in hunter gatherer societies. So even if we're outdated and inconvenient in modern society, at least there was a time and place where we were valued. However, there are people that argue that this does not extend to Inattentives, and say that they have no present or historical value. I heard an initiative being made to redefine Inattentives with a new label, called "Sluggish Brain Disorder". Considering that many of the phrases used colloquially to mean unintelligent, such as idiot, moron, dumb, and even the R-word were all once clinical terms, you'd think they'd be more careful to choose a dignified phrase when coming up with new diagnoses. It doesn't take much imagination to find a way to make fun of someone for having "Sluggish Brain Disorder".

Inattentive types are more often female, and oftentimes girls and women struggle to be recognized for their symptoms. This could be indicative of sexism in the education system, and this reluctance to acknowledge the struggles of females could explain the distaste formal systems have for the Inattentive subtype.

They even rebranded the disorder from ADD to ADHD, so even people without hyperactivity have to include it in their label. Completely needless redefinition, which is more inaccurate and just serves to highlight Hyperactives more.

I still think I'm primarily Inattentive, and I think that this type benefits from a heightened level of imagination and an ability to hyperfocus on creative works. I don't think Inattentives are less valuable than Hyperactives.

I've received a prescription for medication. When I was a child, I was offered the option of meds but adamantly refused them. I thought it was unfair that everyone else could just be themselves, but I had to be chemically edited to be a decent human being. I felt that I would rather risk failure as myself, than be guaranteed success as whoever they wanted to change me into.

As I've grown, I've found myself knowing and working with people that I greatly respect who use meds, and I'm even in a romantic relationship with someone who uses them, so I've begun to reassess my feelings about them. I haven't tried them yet, I just received them yesterday.