Worst Week of College

Wow, what a week! I had two presentations, two papers, a proposal, and my client file. Six projects in five days. And you probably don't understand the magnitude of how huge the client file and proposal were. At the beginning of the week I realized I couldn't do it. I gave myself four hours sleep which I thought was more than I could afford, but I didn't sleep a wink. I just lay on my back doing deep breathing exercises while my heart hammered trying to convince myself that, worst come to worst, even if I failed out of SSW, I could still get two diplomas before I turned thirty, so whatever might happen, just don't die!

The next day I ran into a friend from the program on the bus and he looked rattled. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "I can't do it".

We wound up screaming at each other

"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US?!"
"WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE STRONGEST!"
"I CAN'T FAIL AT A TIME LIKE THIS!"

I showed up at placement and I was obviously rattled. One of the staff asked me how I was and I said "Not good" Told them I couldn't make this week. I told my partner placement student that I wasn't going to drag her down with me and that my last act as a college student would be to finish the proposal with her (which was a joint project). My supervisor scratched off whatever was on her schedule that morning and just wrote "Gryphon".

She pulled me aside, spent the whole morning going over my work with me and getting me sorted out, then she sent me home to get some rest and told me to take the next morning off to get work done.

My partner told me she'd finish the proposal from where we'd left off, and I should just focus on my own stuff.

The rest of the week was pure adrenaline. I was getting one or two hours sleep a day, and that was only when I passed out. Otherwise, I'd try to sleep, but my adrenaline would be going at it too hard and I'd just want to keep working. There was a point where I would literally write a sentence, collapse, pull myself up, write a sentence, collapse again.

I would say that that was a week I would never forget, but I think that in my memory, it will just be a painful, delirious haze.

Near the end, I found out that the teacher was giving extensions to anyone who asked for them. I was like "WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING I'VE GONE THROUGH?! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THE SUPPORT I GOT?!" So I didn't take an extension and finished everything on time.

I got 100% on a paper I handed in a couple weeks back. My teacher had to question me to make sure that I didn't have anyone help me on it.

I also aced a simulation exercise. An actor came in and played the role of an eighteen year old with psychosis who was admitted to an institution, and we were social workers trying to get him to open up. Sessions were done in groups of six. Two people would co-counsel, then rotate out after ten minutes, another pair would rotate in from when the first pair left off, and then another pair would come in and take off from there.

Before going in, we saw the group from before us exiting, and they were none too happy. None of us had met the actor before, and he was brutal. He threw in a psychotic breakdown for each pair to give a little physical intimidation, and he was not shy to out anyone on their weaknesses. Me and my partner were the last pair to go up. We were the only pair not to have had a chance to practice with each other ahead of time, and neither of us really knew what direction to take things, since no one had made progress to that point.

Turns out me and my partner had a wonderful chemistry. Neither of us talked over the other one. We established a great relationship with the client. We managed to set goals. It was beautiful.

I've been told by my teachers that my success, both on the paper and in simulation have been going around the SSW office. I've been shouted out by the teachers.

I got one of my papers back from my week of delirium, and guess what? 100%. Apparently I just reached a new level.

But I bombed an exam a while back. Worse than I've ever done before. I hope that our group proposal brings my grade back up. Otherwise, one final assignment to bring me up.