Ducks Mating

Recently, I had the experience of seeing ducks mating. I'd heard much about their unique mating habits, but never seen it in person. It's uh... not in agreement with the acceptable standards of human romantic interaction. I don't think I'll get into it here. But here's a Cracked article on it:

http://www.cracked.com/funny-2938-duck-rape/

So... before seeing the actual ducks, I first saw a neighbour of mine staring in abject horror. I followed her gaze to see a crowd of children trying to intervene. I slipped beside her and whispered to her:

"You know it is... what they do right?"

"It looks so mean!"

"It is mean... It's why I don't like ducks."

"Are they going to kill her?"

"No... or else there wouldn't be baby ducks."

She then called out to the children to step back, saying the ducks were just "hanging out". The children contested this. She saw her husband coming over the hill and called out to him, "Babe, look what the ducks are doing! He says it's natural!"

Her husband called back to her "Can't stop nature, Honey".

Except even in that article I linked, they described a variety in duck mating rituals. I think most people get caught up in the morbid side of it, and forget it's not typical. But because I described it as a natural act, and everyone trusts me around here to provide sound knowledge, people took what I said to heart and the consensus became to let nature take it's course even if it looked ugly.

After telling this story to someone else, she did some research and came back to me with some new facts. Actually, ducks typically form pair bonds, and the female duck's evolution is such that the aggression gene in male ducks is currently being bred out.

In other words, because of what I'd told the community, countless acts of aggression by male ducks were not being intervened in. I might as well be doing it to those brave female ducks fighting the good fight to end this violence!

Next time I saw it, I kind of stood by, looking on, not sure what I should do. I thought that, being men, all good and randy, they would either be difficult to distract or turn their aggression on to me. I sauntered up to the group but they took no notice. Then I sent my foot crashing down next to the closest male like a guillotine. If I had aimed for the duck, it would have been crushed. I was surprised by my own force. The group exploded and scattered. The female escaped.

When telling this story to the woman that educated me further on duck mating facts, I said "Now, knowing that I have the power to stop this, I'm never going to let that happen in front of me again."

She said "That sounds like the weirdest Superhero origin story".