New Doorknob

Recently I tried to replace the doorknob on my bedroom door. This is something I've never done before, so I was pleased when a few Youtube videos successfully guided me through the process of removing and then assembling a seemingly functional knob. However, when I closed the door, I realized I was locked in.

I had enough ingenuity to come up with the solution of removing the knob and moving the latch manually from the inside. But nothing on the inside would move. I called to my roommate and the two of us spent a good time poking at the latch and reassembling the knobs and attempting to turn it and pretending we were going to come up with something new.

I had an evening work shift coming up. My roommate suggested destroying the latch. I pointed out that even if we broke the latch, the relevant piece was still between the door and wall. He agreed and suggested breaking the door. For me, that was a last-ditch option, so I suggested popping out the screen door of my window and jumping though it.

So that's what we did. Unfortunately, there was a crowd of children playing beneath my window at the time. Probably being kind of dressed-up for work and holding a briefcase made the jumping out my bedroom window seem even a bit more peculiar. After getting to the other side, I realized I'd left my light on, which led to many children trying to volunteer to climb through the window to help me out.

I should point out that my window is raised high enough that a foothold such as a chair on either side was helpful, and the jump made me look a bit athletic.

One of my neighbours joked that when she saw me coming through the window, she thought it was a home invasion. When I came back after my work shift, night had fallen, and hopping through the window under the cover of dark really did make me think an onlooker could have the wrong impression.

So that was two window hops. Next morning, of course, I had to jump through again. I got my Super and we examined the situation. Apparently the latch in the knob I'd bought didn't have any insides. That means, there was nothing connecting to the metal knob that connects between door and wall. Straight-up a defective latch.

He had to jump through my window. He tried to pry the knob, but he couldn't reach it. He had to pry the trim loose. The trim had been painted over and was much harder to remove. Once he did, he still couldn't access the knob. So he popped the pins out of the hinges, but because the hinges moved in a weird direction, he still couldn't open it. Neighbours were making wisecracks.

"Harder to break into than Fort Knox!"

"Jeez, Gryphon, when you do something, you really do it!"

Took a person on either side to pop the door out. Then the latch was removed, hinges were re-installed, and I got a new knob.

I have to admit, I took pride in how difficult it was to get through my door. Even if a robber could get into my room, they wouldn't get any further!

Check it out, I'm on the Extend-a-Family Summer Program recruitment brochure.

My eyes are closed! Everyone keeps talking about how they've seen me on this brochure. Apparently I'm on the I Choose Dignity Rally brochure to, carrying my "Nobleness" flag. I've been hearing this for years but have yet to see it.