I Hate Over Easy Eggs

I'm forcing out one last post, because if I update one more time before 2024, I'll have met my New Year's Resolution for the main blog. I recently made a Christmas 2023 post, so if you haven't read that one, you can find it below.

Anyway, the arbitrary topic I'm choosing to tick my blog number box is my feelings toward over easy eggs.

I don't actually hate this style of preparation for sensory reasons. I hate the psychology that has come to be associated with it. Imagine this: you're at a diner for breakfast with friends. You order the classic breakfast: home fries, your choice of protein, and your choice of eggs. The server arrives, takes your order, and asks the fateful question, "How would you like your eggs?". It invites the thought of a wide spectrum of options, encouraging creativity and opportunity for customization.

But secretly, there is only one "correct" option, and it's over easy. The server knows it. Everyone at your table knows it. They're all waiting to see if you will comply to the social norm, or if they will subject you to judgment.

Let's go over the snarky comments you'll get if you order any other way.

Sunny side up, or soft boiled: it hasn't been cooked long enough, you'll get sick

Scrambled: That's childish

Hard, over hard, hard boiled, medium, over medium, or medium boiled: It's been cooked too long, it has no flavour

Of course, if you order a specific egg-based dish like an omelet you're free from judgment. This only applies to meals that offer "your choice of eggs".

These sentiments are silly of course. There are no health risks associated with a runny yolk, the restaurant wouldn't offer it as an option if there was. There's no inherent reason that scrambled eggs are "childish", and eggs cooked for longer are perfectly fine.

So why is it that people box themselves in with over easy eggs?

I think one reason is that there are a lot of people that aren't very good at cooking, but they're pretty good with eggs.  This is because the barrier for entry is so low. At its simplest, you can turn on a pan, crack an egg into it, wait until it looks like a cooked egg, and you're good. Give it a little swirl and you've got scrambled eggs. Now you know how to cook two things.

Then it's easy to experiment by putting salt and pepper, or thowing in some cheese or diced ham. Each individual step is pretty lenient, and if you screw something up the end results are usually edible. 

Often times, the best showing of skill for someone experimenting with the basics is over easy. Waiting just long enough, then flipping it so that it's cooked on all sides, and has a runny and intact yolk. Eventually, someone who isn't confident in the kitchen will begin to think "I might not know how to cook, but at least I can do eggs"

End result is that you have a person whose sense of culinary worth is wrapped up in their ability to make over easy eggs, and they're dying to let you know why your order is objectively wrong. Problem is, enjoyment does not always equate to difficulty in preparation, and so it might be hard for a person who thinks this way to reconcile themselves with the fact that on their journey to mastery, the best thing they ever did might also be the second thing they ever did, the little swirl.

I think this is where the "scrambled eggs are childish" sentiment comes from. They likely learned how to make them when they themselves were pretty close to childhood.

Another hot take I've got is that scrambled eggs are not inferior to omelettes. That's another case of people thinking it's a better experience simply because it's harder to do.

Another falacy some people have when assessing eggs, is that they subject them to steak rules. The other dish that is best known for giving an array of cook time options, with a not-so-secret "correct" answer is steak. Chef's choice is medium rare. You can maintain your dignity if you want it cooked less, but not if you want it cooked more.

I'm a little more sympathetic to the steak snobs. When it comes down to it, I like to live and let live. That being said, steak has some unique qualities that disappear when cooked past medium. So when people say "If you like your steak well done, maybe you just don't like steak", I can understand the perspective. Although I think steak is overrated in general.

Anyway. Eggs are not steak! Eggs don't have a "disappearing quality" when they pass a medium cook. They have a pretty even gradiant of textural differences, so if you like a hard cooked egg, I don't think there's any valid argument against it.

As far as runny yolks are concerned. People worry about catching salmonella. It's easiest to get it from undercooked chicken. Eggs come from chickens, and people make this association.

You get salmonella from undercooked chicken meat. Not the eggs. Don't worry about this.

All this to say, I do think over easy eggs are a valid style of preparation. Since I'm advocating for choice, it would be hypocritical of me to discourage it as an option. Still, when the server is going around the table, and everyone's ordering over easy, I can't help but feel resentment brewing in my chest as the tension mounts and I feel the shackles of social obligation tighten.

And I feel quite rebellious when she gets to me, and I look her in the eyes and defiantly growl "Scramble it".