Halloween Costumes

I got a costume. I'm going as The Emperor of Evil (Only XXL in Wal Mart). I was pretty satisfied with it, but then I looked at the little tag with the photo of what it's supposed to look like, and it had a hood and a medallion. I felt better when it said "Accessories seen in photo may not be included with the costume" but then I read "Includes: Hooded robe, chest drape, caplet, upper face mask, medallion, gloves, belt."

I got ripped off!

I almost went as a lumberjack. That's easy, 'cause I just have to wear a flannel shirt and my suspenders, pop the rim on my toque and buy a toy ax, 100% lumberjack. One year I didn't dress up and just wore a flannel and popped my toque and people were like "Yo, that costume is legit!" Too easy.

But I have a friend who's going as a "sexy lumberjack" and uhhhh.... I can't be an unspecialized lumberjack next to that.

When I joked that the only Halloween toy ax I would find would be a demonic-stylized one, I considered going as an "evil lumberjack".

I stitched up my backpack. I got a backpack last Christmas, and it began to fall apart depressingly fast. The new tear seemed so ugly. but once it became wide enough that I could pull out my Family Ties That Bind textbook without unzipping it, I began to see it as a convenience. In the end, it was still too ugly, and I stitched it up. First I used dollar store thread, and it tore pretty fast. I had a really demotivating evening where I kept trying to stitch it and it wouldn't hold. Eventually I resorted to using fishing line. If it's good enough to hold a fish, it's good enough to hold some textbooks!

All the guys in my house use hygiene products that say "for men" on them. All the cheapest products have really feminine titles for some reason, like "Silkience Salon Formula" as if you have to pay extra to retain your masculinity and clean yourself at the same time. But I got a thing for shea butter, which comes from Mali, and around here it's considered a feminine product. So in the bathroom I've got my shea butter body wash and hand soap next to all my roommates sexually-insecure male-qualifying ripoff cleaning products.

They'll regret it when I have better skin later in life.