Dream

So, I now have a scientifically-proven bad sense of humour, because these 200 intentionally bad comics had me literally rolling on the floor laughing: http://nedroid.com/bcpage1.html

It's technically my birthday. I know I should be asleep, but screw that, it's my birthday and I'm going to do whatever I want!

Last night I had a dream that I was in this pub that was run by my karate friends, and the Angry Video Game Nerd was there, with those two characters from his Board JAmes series, Motherfucker Mike (I'm pretty sure no children read this blog) and Bad Luck Bootsy. It was the AVGN's birthday, so they were celebrating. For some reason, they knew who I was. I didn't want to hang out with them, because I thought they were being obnoxious, but I wanted my karate friends to see me with them, so they'd think I was a big shot. I didn't want to drink, but Motherfucker Mike kept buying me drinks. Then, a client from Community Connections, the place for developmentally challenged people that I worked at, came up to us. He and these gamers exchanged words. It was kind of playful, but then it seemed like the conversation was getting kind of mean toward CC guy. So I stuck up for him. After that, I asked if he remembered me from when I worked at CC. He did, and he asked me if I was in school now. Then the AVGN's girlfriend approached and told me the importance of school. I responded, "But I don't wanna go to school!"

Then I woke up. It took me awhile to realize that I hadn't actually seen my friend from CC, which made me sad. It took me a bit longer to realize that that particular client didn't exist, and was just a made-up character for the dream.

I wonder if turning 21 will be as much of a bombshell as turning 20 was. So far, it hasn't. Hope it stays that way.

One of my karate friends messaged me, being all like, "Yo, G, when are you coming back to karate???" and I felt all appreciated. I was all "I thought I might be leaving for another six months and didn't want to settle down. I don't think that's going to happen now, but tomorrow's my birthday, so we'll see what happens."

That's probably the most important thing for me. Being around people who follow the code of modesty, integrity, self-control, perseverance, and indomitable spirit,and to be improving in some tangible way would be a good influence on me. Right now I'm caught up in the acidity of my recently reconnected emotions, and dealing with the aspect of sacrificing my next major life move for the sake of my family, the discovery of my friends' resentment,and possibly the sacrifice of the identity I built in Katimavik for employability reasons. I'm also dealing with suddenly requiring to make my own schedules again. I'm just feeling beat-up by life right now, and it would be good to find the fight in me again. If I could find it through karate, I'm sure it would channel to other aspects of my life.

But today I'm required to take it easy, which I find stressful. "Taking it easy" has been more a fear-reaction than a slothful one, since coming to Katimavik. I'm sick of taking things at my own pace. I want to rise up to someone else's. But I'm too much a traditionalist to get my fight on on my birthday, even if I want to.